This goes out to the Master Techs...

So, I own a 96 E320 that my girlfriend drives. Its just cracked 120K and the car has been flawless since I bought it at 90K. (except for the usual W210 problems: blower regulator, spring perch, swaybar end-links, M104 headgasket) My headgasket leak has been slow and external, so I've shelved the job until I must. About a week ago, my girlfriend runs over a parking pawl and, thanks to a missing belly-pan and my laziness, shreds the lower radiator support and induces a moderate leak. Shes unaware that anything has happened until the coolant level indicator comes on. She notifies me. I advise her to limp the car home, watching the temp gauge religiously, and no matter what; DONT LET THE M104 OVERHEAT!!!
Heres the good part... I get home, the car is parked two houses up. I ask how things went, she responds "It overheated and started making these funny noises." "I was almost home (9 highway miles away) so I just drove it." "It got as far as it is now, the oil light came on, it started shuddering violently and cut off." Upon further inspection I find the crankcase completely empty, the radiator completely empty, oil/water milkshake all through the cooling system and under the car from the oil-pan back to the cats.
One radiator, two coolant flushes (with 1.5 gallons of that outlandishly expensive Mercedes coolant) and one oil change later I have an issue. Very little if any fluid is exchanging now, (although its only been a few days) However, I get sporadic misfires now. (with the fault code, CEL, and "Check engine electronics" display and everything) The first time was cylinder 2. This occurred approx 2 minutes after my first 5 mile blow-out-run. I pulled plug 2, cleaned it, reset the light and all was well for another 15-25 miles. Now, the light is back, but its cylinder 1. I didn't pull the plug, I did some "battery voodoo" (drained all the capacitors) and now the code/misfire is absent. Also, my M104 used to be super smooth and eerily quite. Now i get the faintest of metallic rattling noises from under the valve cover, close to the cam adjuster. To describe the noise: It sounds like 3 to 6 finishing nails dancing around under the valve cover at idle with the hood open or closed. I'm a VWtech. I just moved, and have no access to a shop or a scan-tool yet. I've been getting by in my garage until now. I don't have the spare funds to throw parts at this car, so I'm hoping someone more experienced with these than I can point me in the right direction. Is my headgasket shot, allowing oil/water in the combustion chamber? Maybe my old (very old) plugs got "washed out" in the original catastrophe? Maybe a little fluid spilled in the plug valleys and is slowly seeping in? Maybe old, contaminated COPs? Any help would be greatly appreciated.