"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
--Winston Churchill


"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow


"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)


"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of
it."
-- Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde


"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend. . . If you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

. . .followed by Churchill's response:

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one."
-- Winston Churchill


"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
--Stephen Bishop


"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright


"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb


"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson


"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating


"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr


"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-- Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West


"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde


Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Winston, if
you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!" Winston replied, "Madam if
I were your husband I would drink it!"

Lady Astor also once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Sir
Winston, you're drunk!" To which, Winston replied, "Yes, Madam, I am. And
you're ugly! But in the morning, I will be sober. And you will still be ugly!"