Its not the fuses..
I took a "bad" fuse and switched it with one from a functional area, no go. The same bad fuse worked perfectly in the other terminal.
On top of that, the fuse box diagram does not add up to some of the bad fuses; the tach fuse is working, but the panel is not.
So far, I've lost
Power Windows: Those ports are inop.
Tach: working fuse
Intruments: working fuse
Signals: working fuse
WTF?