It's not 'either/or'. Life is full of compromises. If you want to live on the edge or beyond societal norms then expect scrutiny. This is a fact of life.

Is it fair? No.
Is it ideal? No.
Is it real? Yes.

There are circumstances and occaisions when challenging the norms is a good thing. But that sure as hell doesn't mean that it will be safe, comfortable or easy. Take civil rights, for example (of which this is a subset). It is not fair, right or just that black people were oppressed due to pigmentation. Yet changing the local norm cost lives. Was it worth it?

I woul say that the survivors would say it is. The dead have no opinion.