Money to Relatives - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

JenTay · #1 12-30-2004, 09:02 PM

What is your philosophy about lending or giving money to relatives who ask?

Moreover, what if the relative is clearly broke......but continues to shop as if there is money. Clearly, there is a priority issue here. Is it my place to point it out?

I don't like to lie and say that I have no money to lend, no money in the budget, no disposable cash, etc. when there is. However, telling them off and telling them how it is will cause hard feelings in the long run.

Botnst · #2 12-30-2004, 09:10 PM

If you can't tell them the complete truth, and I understand why you cannot, then offer to take them grocery shopping and buy them food. Offer to take them clothes shopping and go to Goodwill and buy them a lot of clothes.

Etc. Don't give them money, they'll blow it.

#3 12-30-2004, 09:33 PM

In general, it's safe to say that a loan made to family will actually be seen as a gift and not repaid. If you can gift the money, and be ok with being pleasantly surprised in the event it is paid back, you're mentally prepared to make a family loan

Otherwise, I'd go with Botnst's suggestion, especially in the event that providing money could harm your family member (for example, someone with an uncontrollable drug habit).

Kuan · #4 12-30-2004, 09:35 PM

I'd loan the money, in an amount you can afford to gift. $50 seems OK

Don't ask for it to be repaid. Ever. And don't let them buy you anything. This way you avoid the possibility of their asking you again for money.

GermanStar · #5 12-30-2004, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JenTay

What is your philosophy about lending or giving money to relatives who ask?

Moreover, what if the relative is clearly broke......but continues to shop as if there is money. Clearly, there is a priority issue here. Is it my place to point it out?

I don't like to lie and say that I have no money to lend, no money in the budget, no disposable cash, etc. when there is. However, telling them off and telling them how it is will cause hard feelings in the long run.

I wouldn't do it -- no way. I might if there was a need and that need was accompanied by responsible behavior. To me, it all comes down to helping those who help themselves.

neanderthal · #6 12-31-2004, 06:35 AM

if the relative continues to shop as though they have plenty of money i wouldnt be giving them any money.

if they have just moved and need to buy all kinds of stuff that s a whole different ball game.

as a rule i never lend money to friends and relatives. if they ask for it, i GIVE what i can afford to. i never expect that i shall get it back.

i believe that relationships are too important to be ruined over something as trivial as money. people i know and love should be able tobenefit rom my hard work (money0 if they need it. im not a fairweather friend/ relative.

but i also believe that if i (or anybody) ever borrow money i should pay it back.

blackmercedes · #7 12-31-2004, 08:10 AM

It depends. It depends on the situation. I have a life-long friend that is the closest thing to a brother I'll ever have (I'm an only) and he's had a difficult time as an adult. He got into drugs in a big way and today suffers from brain damage. At 40, he's just getting some traction with a full time job and being clean and sober for over six months.

Would I give/lend him money? Never. It's simply enabling the problem and encouraging him to get in deeper. He needs to stand on his own. That does not mean I won't help him. As an example, he has a gas guzzling old pick-up and works in a rural area without any transit service. I am giving him our old Mazda 626 to help out in reducing his gasoline bill. The car would be difficult to sell to raise cash for addictive substances.

If you give money to a person that can't control their spending, what good are you really doing them?

kott · #8 12-31-2004, 10:41 AM

IF.... loaning the $ brings the person back later for more, then get ready to be a repeat target. And that may cause longterm discomfort for you. IF... not loaning the money causes you longterm discomfort, then you lose either way. But at least one way is cheaper-

Think about the behaviors you have practiced to accomplish what you have attained- is that behavior impossible for the one seeking money? Or are they seeking a quick solution without changing their ways?

Throw 'em a bone if it gives you a sense of helping out- go with Bonst's idea, but include the truth about being in school, being on a budget, having a longer term goal that they may not be aware of (or not care about).... that may nip future requests 'in the bud'.

If you had known they were having 'trouble', would you have lended a hand without their asking? Or is it not really trouble?

engatwork · #9 12-31-2004, 01:11 PM

Don't do it unless you can do without it. If you do "loan" the money get something in writing - length of loan, payment amt, etc..

Jason Beal · #10 01-03-2005, 02:17 PM

[QUOTE=JenTay]What is your philosophy about lending or giving money to relatives who ask?

Moreover, what if the relative is clearly broke......but continues to shop as if there is money. Clearly, there is a priority issue here. Is it my place to point it out?

QUOTE]

IMO if they are going to ask for money, then you have the right to point out their lack of priorities. Maybe it will help them in the long run, even if it ticks them off at first.

kott · #11 01-03-2005, 02:49 PM

Each of us could probably chip in $10 for a 'birthday present' to offset your benevolence.... you'd probably clear $100-$150 for the exercise.

You'll probably not hear from her again. 1) You actually ponied up some dough. 2) But not much 3) Good guilt attachment

At least make her mow your yard or something, for the effort.....