When do you talk to your kids - predetors

[Antony]

I don't watch much TV but I've just seen a most disturbing show on people (men) who prey upon young children (boys and girls).

I have a great family, one 9 year old girl, and one 6 year old boy, and their mother, my terrific wife of 12 years.

Of course we are computer literate, and my children go on-line to play games based on each of their teachers' reccomendations.

After seeing the way some people act, I'm now wondering when is the time to talk to my children about these types of activities?

Darn, no "real" problems with my family unit, it just scared me to see all of these men "out there" looking for young children.

When do you suggest the dialog begin? At what age is this sort of topic not just 'scary' for our children? When does this dialog 'need' to begin?

Any serious adivice will be much appreciated.

[MikeTangas]

It is never too early to start talking about dangers or strangers.

[BENZ-LGB]

Originally Posted by MikeTangas

It is never too early to start talking about dangers or strangers.

What he said.

But in addition to talking to your kids, you also MUST monitor their activities online. Is not a question of "spying" on your kids. It is a question of making sure that that they are not tripped up by predators who are only too happy to lure young boys and girls into improper relationships.

[Nate]

http://www.registeredoffenderslist.org/
Visit that site, and be warned... they're all too close (theres one 3 blocks away from me, and an elementry school... yuck)


Teach them that the dangers of strangers, and how to get out of a car trunk (ie taillights/trunk relese.

Teach them what they should do if they're taken into a car, in the passengers seat (grab keys, make them hit somebody, honk horn... whatever they show in the videos)

Dont let them get into the short short/skirt style thing... That includes your son
Keep them dressed modestly.

This is all stuff I learned throughout my public schooling, ask their school if they show videos or whatnot on that.

Good luck
~Nate

[Botnst]

Originally Posted by MikeTangas

It is never too early to start talking about dangers or strangers.

Yep. Make it appropriate for your kid. You'll know when you start the conversation. Leave lots of empty air for the kid to fill.

[Antony]

This is good advice. Nate the idea of fighting while in the car I like, I'd never have thought to try and grab the keys and/or honk.
I think the age appropriate is right-on, I guess, let the dialog begin.

[Kuan]

We watched a few videos in school about stranger danger. It's amazing how easy it is even though kids supposedly "know" better.

Then again, isn't it true that most abductions are about people your kids already know?

My plan is to keep the lines of communication open between me and my kid. I'm gonna want to know all his friends and everyone who knows him. Yeah right, by the time he's 12 I hope he knows better.

This kind of talk freaks out my wife.

[yal]

What is really worrisome is the profiles of some of the most successful molesters. They look like really normal nice middle age guys. The challenge is making your kid understand that bad people can look like this and to always ask you first before going to see something or taking something from a stranger even if you are not available at the moment. And to fight like hell when being taken.

After I saw that security video of that guy abducting that teenager behind a car wash or reading the story of that sicko that attacked and stuffed his neighbours' child into a box in his closet I understand that even the above suggestions sometimes doesn't help.

We've got some seriously dangerously repressed sick people out there and all you can do is be vigilant with your kids and make them vigilant.

[raymr]

Also, place all your PCs in the common areas of the house so you can keep an eye on online activity, i.e. no bedroom internet for the youngsters.

[Nate]

Originally Posted by Antony

This is good advice. Nate the idea of fighting while in the car I like, I'd never have thought to try and grab the keys and/or honk.
I think the age appropriate is right-on, I guess, let the dialog begin.

Tell them to honk, as they're grabbing the wheel, making the car hit something if they're in town...

Or throw it into a non forward gear (P R N) IF they're on the highway

~Nate

A psychopath will/can convince can convince the best educated kids to do what he/she wants and there is nothing you can do about it. IMO kids should never be put into the alone position until they have the ability to explode a testicle with a quick blow.

[azimuth]

We began talking about it as soon as they could comprehend it. We made it age appropriate and watched them like hawks. I still do not let my youngest boys out of my sight in public.

In the small college town where my retired parents live, there are almost 400 sex offenders living within five miles of my parents house. That's 400 too many.

Some of these people look like preppy college kids, and some look like Uncle Jesse from the Dukes of Hazzard. A few look really creepy though.

If there was more public outrage , then c**ts like Debra Lafave wouldn't get a slap on the wrist.

[BENZ-LGB]

Originally Posted by raymr

Also, place all your PCs in the common areas of the house so you can keep an eye on online activity, i.e. no bedroom internet for the youngsters.

This is good advice, but it does not always work.

I prosecuted an Internet child molester who was arranging a meeting with a 14 yo girl. The perp was 40 and he himself had a 13 yo daughter.

In any event, the victim's parents had placed the PC in a common area of the home (out in a hallway). this, owever, did not keep the girl from engaging in cybersex wiht the perp.

The case came to light when the girl's mother found evidence of the "convos" (converstions/chats) between the perp and her daughter. The girl had saved all the convos to disk and then printed them. While she was away at Bible summer camp her mom wnet through her things and found the binder with all the convos, neatly printed out.

The mom went straight to the police department and a sting operation was set up to catch the perp. When the cops busted him he had condoms in his car and the girl's home address in his shirt pocket (he was planning to meet her).

He was arrested and prosecuted. years later he violated his terms of probation when he was arrested sitting in his car at a park, frequented by children. Guess what he was carrying in his car...a fresh carton of condoms.

When I interviewed the girl to get her ready for tiral (he pled before trial) I asked her how was it possible for her to engage in heavy cybersex while the computer was ou ton the hallway, where her parents and siblings could see her. She told me that she never did any of the things (roleplaying) that she supposedly was engaging in. She said that she was only pretending to be cybering with the perp. I asked her why?

She told me she was bored AND lonely and if she did not go along wiht the cybering he would not chat with her.

That was the saddest thing I've heard a 14 yo child say. It broke my heart.

The point is that yes, keeping the computer in a public place of the home is important, but as parents don't be afraid to "spy" on your kids. So many parents want to respect their kids' privacy -- that's exactly what predators are counting on!

Also, please talk to your kids, watch for mood changes, don't assume anything, even if all you get are one-syllable answers from your kids, don't stop talking to them. Spend time with your kids.

And above all, don't be a phony with your kids. Kids can spot parental BS a mile away. Don't tell kids that drinking is bad and then proceed to get s**t faced on the weekends. Don't preach to kids about the dangers of smoking and then proceed to chain smoke at home. Don't tell kids about obeying the law and then proceed to drive at 80 mph as your drive them to school.

The predators that are actually caught and prosecuted are only a miniscule portion of all the predators out there. They want our kids, don't let them win.

[BENZ-LGB]

Originally Posted by MedMech

A psychopath will/can convince can convince the best educated kids to do what he/she wants and there is nothing you can do about it. IMO kids should never be put into the alone position until they have the ability to explode a testicle with a quick blow.

Yes and no MedMech.

Most of the child molesters that I have prosecuted are pretty good and can be smooth and persuasive. They are good at identifying a child's weakness and then prey on it.

You know the best way to prepare kids to deal with these pervs?

Teach your kids to question authority -- first, last and always.

Kids who are dutyful, compliant and obedient usually make for easier prey.

Kids who question everything can be a handful to raise, but they are less likely to be victims of a predator.

That, and teach them to fire off a few hollow point rounds.