Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to
perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work.
So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.

The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he
throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful medicine but you can only use it
once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as
long as you wish!" The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I
don't want to continue?"

The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234,
and it will go down. But be warned: It will not work again for another year."

That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves,
and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets
into bed and is lying next to her, he says, "123", and suddenly he becomes
more aroused than anytime in his life, just as the medicine man had promised.

His wife, who had been facing away from him, turns over and asks,
"What did you say 123 for?"

And now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition.

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It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so. Robert A. Heinlein


09 Jetta TDI
1985 300D

HA! Good one!

__________________
1991 560 SEC AMG, 199k <---- 300 hp 10:1 ECE euro HV ...

1995 E 420, 170k "The Red Plum" (sold)

2015 BMW 535i xdrive awd Stage 1 DINAN, 6k, <----364 hp

1967 Mercury Cougar, 49k

2013 Jaguar XF, 20k <----340 hp Supercharged, All Wheel Drive (sold)

Schlomo couldn't get it up anymore. Finally he asks Moishe what to do,since Moishe is a ladie's man.

"Go see Dr.Slotsky"Moishe sez,"when a racehorse got to go to stud they take him first to Slotsky,he got hormoneses for that".

A month later Moishe inquires about Schlomo's problem,"did you see Slotsky?"he asks.

"Yeah,I seen him"Schlomo replies.
"So listen,did he help you with the wife?"Moishe asks.

"Wife nothing"sez Schlomo,"but yesterday I ran a mile in 1 minute 55 seconds"

__________________

Tough luck!

__________________

So, this old sailor wakes up one morning and decides to put on his old uniform and go down to the docks and have a few drinks for old times sake.

So, he squeezes into the uniforn, heads down to the docks and goes to a couple of bars and tips back a few. At one stop, he's asked by a b-girl if he wants to go upstairs and party.

"Sure thing" he says, and off they go.

After going at it full tilt for about fifteen minutes, he asks the woman " How am I doing honey?"

She replies: " Your'e doing about three knots"!

"Three knots?" he cries. ""What do you mean "three knots""?

"Well", she says, " Your'e not hard, your'e not in and your'e not getting your money back"

Great. Sent that one over to the English dept.

__________________
1977 300d 70k--sold 08
1985 300TD 185k+
1984 307d 126k--sold 8/03
1985 409d 65k--sold 06
1984 300SD 315k--daughter's car
1979 300SD 122k--sold 2/11
1999 Fuso FG Expedition Camper
1993 GMC Sierra 6.5 TD 4x4
1982 Bluebird Wanderlodge CAT 3208--Sold 2/13

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's
two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!"

"I'll prove it," Murphy says.

So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"