My dog, Emily who had been my companion for 11 years, passed away this afternoon after two weeks fighting pancreatitis. She was the most important thing in my life for the last 4 years after my divorce. I was with her last night till 1:00 in the morning, called the doctor this morning and all her vitals were good. The doctor even said she will be coming home New Year's Eve. Then at noon, the doctor called that she went into a cardiac attack. They were doing everything they could but she was not responding. She passed away before I got to the hospital.

I am totally lost. I feel guilty that I was not there this morning. I planned on visiting her first thing in the morning like I have been doing everyday since she was hospitalized but I over slept. I did not even have a chance to say good-bye. And the worse thing is that she died in a strange place with strangers. I am not sure I can live with those guilt.

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