Infidelity Knowledge etiquette - Page 2 - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

aklim · #16 05-19-2008, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KarTek

You could take a couple approaches to this situation. One, if you're turly friends with both of them, why not approach the guy and tell him what you saw, get an explanation and tell him how you feel about it.

Two, if you decide you want to rat him out, I would send an anonymous letter to the woman warning her to "watch the husbands behavior". This should be a couple weeks after the incident as well. There should be NOTHING to point the finger at you as the whistle blower and you shouldn't say anything to cause anyone to ask you questions you may not be able to answer truthfully.

Of course, both of these will potentially cause friction between you and your husband so you have to take this into consideration as well.

The woman is going to find out eventually and sooner may be better than later...

Without knowing private details of their relationship, how can anyone say this is a wise move? If they are a polyamorous couple, how do you know you won't be considered a snitch? Who is Jen to demand an explanation? I'd tell you to fawk off and MYOB if you asked me that.

Think that guy did not see Jen? Maybe he was ignoring her on purpose. Again, without knowing what their situation is, why chance it? What if it does get out some day?

That is another sticking point. Why risk your own relationship for a "maybe" cheating situation?

Let some other nosy person get burnt. I can't see any possible good coming out of being that nosy can you?

Medmech · #17 05-19-2008, 01:01 PM

Just drop the bomb, say hey I saw X at the movie on Friday.

Let it play out from there, he may have been with a niece or something innocent.

Or say nothing I prefer keeping my mouth shut and a lot of distance, I tattled once and still regret it....the fallout was they worked it out and I'm the biggest a-hole in the world, somehow the ***** managed to make it look like it was my fault she was screwing around.

Kuan · #18 05-19-2008, 01:13 PM

Maybe she knows already, or at least suspects. It's hard to not notice your spouse acting funny.

John Doe · #19 05-19-2008, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JenTay

i've decided to not be a rat but i will also limit my contact with both of them. .

good choice.

Stoneseller · #20 05-19-2008, 01:32 PM

I had a close friend , male, who was cheating on his wife for a while. His wife most likely knew, and she began having her own little bit of extramarital fun. This went on for about a year. A bunch of us close friends ended up knowing about one, the other, or both affairs. To my knowledge, nobody ever snitched.

Today, they are still a happily (apparently) married couple with two fine children.

Botnst · #21 05-19-2008, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JenTay

If you are friendly with a husband and wife (equally) and you happen to discover that the husband is cheating, would you tell the wife somehow?

Additional facts:

-you discovered the affair accidentally (...saw them at the movies)
-the husband does not know you know
-your own husband (a conservative accountant for PWC) knew about the affair beforehand but never told you about the affair because he says it is none of your business to begin with.
-your husband is pissed off at you because the last time you saw the wife, you gave her a long strong hug for no apparent reason

Karma should take care of things in the long run but in the short run, i have no clue what to do.

Tell the husband you suspect what's going on. Then drop it.

Also drop them as friends. ***** will fly and it will spatter on you and your husband.

B

Chad300tdt · #22 05-19-2008, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Botnst

Tell the husband you suspect what's going on. Then drop it.

Also drop them as friends. ***** will fly and it will spatter on you and your husband.

B

That sounds like the start of an intense drama/action/thriller. Then the panic struck cheater plots to remove the threat.

Stoneseller · #23 05-19-2008, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Botnst

***** will fly and it will spatter on you and your husband.

B

Damn Botnst, we can always count on you to cut to the chase

Botnst · #24 05-19-2008, 01:40 PM

Heck, if he's violent then all bets are off and Jen & her husband need to drop them as friends asap.

B

aklim · #25 05-19-2008, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Botnst

Heck, if he's violent then all bets are off and Jen & her husband need to drop them as friends asap.

B

If he is not violent towards Jen and her husband, why take all sorts of action? I'd be for "Business as usual".

Chad300tdt · #26 05-19-2008, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

If he is not violent towards Jen and her husband, why take all sorts of action? I'd be for "Business as usual".

I'd start to back off from them as friends.

My experience was with some of my best friends. He cheated on his wife and I found out, but didn't tell and acted like I didn't know. When the wife found out, he tried to get me involved and told her I knew. She was mad I didn't say anything ... she got over it but I couldn't hang out with her after that and I don't see him either.

I could have avoided some inconvenient drama if I'd just backed off when I found out.

aklim · #27 05-19-2008, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad300tdt

He cheated on his wife and I found out, but didn't tell and acted like I didn't know. When the wife found out, he tried to get me involved and told her I knew.

How did he know that you knew?

Chad300tdt · #28 05-19-2008, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

How did he know that you knew?

A mutual acquaintance found out and told me. The cheater casually asked me if I had talked with the acquaintance, but ended up telling me he knew I knew. I told him it was his problem to work out but he needed to work it out.

aklim · #29 05-19-2008, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad300tdt

A mutual acquaintance found out and told me. The cheater casually asked me if I had talked with the acquaintance, but ended up telling me he knew I knew. I told him it was his problem to work out but he needed to work it out.

Should have said " No idea what you are talking about"

Chad300tdt · #30 05-19-2008, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

Should have said " No idea what you are talking about"

I just sat there not knowing what to say and he said he knew the stooly squealed it to me. I don't like the feeling of guilt I get from lying so I didn't try.