Paul, thanks for taking the time to bring us into this intimate part of your life. That was a lovely description, crisp, understated, and deeply sympathetic. I wish you well.

B

That's a good question. I assumed it was some sort of processing thing, but maybe there's a cultural reason. I'll ask my wife today and she if she knows.

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Paul S.

2001 E430, Bourdeaux Red, Oyster interior.
79,200 miles.

1973 280SE 4.5, 170,000 miles. 568 Signal Red, Black MB Tex. "The Red Baron".

Hey Paul, sorry to hear about the loss. May your FIL find his way home well.

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You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows - Robert A. Zimmerman

Our symathy is with you, Paul.

What an incredible account of a ceremony that sounds as though it was equally so. Thanks for sharing that.

__________________

1980 300TD-China Blue/Blue MBTex-2nd Owner, 107K (Alt Blau) OBK #15
'06 Chevy Tahoe Z71 (for the wife & 4 kids, current mule) '03 Honda Odyssey (son #1's ride, reluctantly) '99 GMC Suburban (255K+ miles, semi-retired mule) 21' SeaRay Seville (summer escape pod)

Sorry for your family's loss. It sounds like an interesting ceremony.

I have a question out of curioity and due to my limited understanding of the language: Why would your daughter refer to the Grandfather as "ojiichan" rather than "ojiisan"?

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-Evan


Benz Fleet:
1968 UNIMOG 404.114
1998 E300
2008 E63


Non-Benz Fleet:
1992 Aerostar
1993 MR2
2000 F250

Thanks for the kind words everyone.

It has been a particularly sad time for my wife. She loved her father very much, and will miss him. She has often spoken fondly of him throughout our 19 year marriage. He was a very kind and gentle father, rarely raising his voice at her. He has been generous to the both of us, providing help when we needed it during our move to Japan and then five years later when we relocated back to the U.S.

Regarding the waiting time for the ashes, it is actually a 49 day wait (called shi juu nichi) until her family receives his ashes - not 90 days. I couldn't find a resource in the internet (especially Wikipedia) that gives a great explaination for the 49 day wait, but my wife tells me that in the traditional form of Zen Buddhism that Japan follows, the soul takes 49 days for Joubutsu to occur. Joubutsu means enter Nirvana, become a Buddha, go to heaven.

While nearly all Japanese practice a form of Zen Buddhism, there are many sects, and I gather each has a slightly different ceremony, particularly in the chants the Budhhist priests chant.

My wife's father's family have all practiced the Shingon sect, and that is the ceremony that was performed.

Here is a Wikipedia link to Shingon Buddhism:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shingon

Here is a Wikipedia link on Japanese Funerals:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_funeral

It pretty closely describes how the funeral was carried out.


Well.......the week has gone by in a flash. Right now it's just after 10:00 p.m. Monday night in Japan, and we are heading back to California tomorrow afternoon.

I have to reiterate how deeply touching the whole ceremony was. Having studied Buddhism when I was a Religious Studies major at university, I came to feel a closeness and respect for Buddhist and related Eastern thought. Some of its insights (such as having few or no expectations) have benefited me greatly in life. Of the greatest importance, is that it also lead me to Japan, where I found and married my wife.

As crazy as it sounds, I still relate to the whole Richard Chamberlain character "Anjin san" in the Shogun book and movie by James Clavell. The book Shogun is loosely based on the true story of the first Westerners to land on the Japanese soil in about the year 1600 to do missionary work as well as bring back its riches to Europe.

As the only Westerner everywhere I went, you stand out like a Martian. And being a fluent Japanese speaker, people just about jump out of their chairs and can't stop staring at me. As the funeral proceeded, I was expected to go up and perform whatever ritual was expected, which I had no preparation for. Luckily, I was in the first row, and could quickly watch the moves and the words that were said, and then I would repeat them. The other guest at the funeral thought these were things I already knew, yet I was just parrotting them as the funeral developed.

All in all, I really believe I've had a singularly intersting life experiences so far, far exceeding my age of 40 years.

I'm sure I'll continue to "marinade" in the events of this experience for a while until I can really get my arms around it.

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Paul S.

2001 E430, Bourdeaux Red, Oyster interior.
79,200 miles.

1973 280SE 4.5, 170,000 miles. 568 Signal Red, Black MB Tex. "The Red Baron".

Ojiisan is how you would refer to another persons grandfather.

All grandchildren, even adult grandchildren use the "chan" suffix.

So when I am talking to my wife's mother in front of our kids, she is their grandmother, so we all call her Obaachan. Using the suffix "san" instead of "chan" would make it too impersonal.

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Paul S.

2001 E430, Bourdeaux Red, Oyster interior.
79,200 miles.

1973 280SE 4.5, 170,000 miles. 568 Signal Red, Black MB Tex. "The Red Baron".

Paul, I am sorry for your loss and want to thank you for sharing this personal time with us.

__________________
"It's normal for these things to empty your wallet and break your heart in the process."
2012 SLK 350
1987 420 SEL

Paul - my sympathies to you and your family.

Thanks for sharing.

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Chris
2007 E550 4Matic - 61,000 Km - Iridium Silver, black leather, Sport package, Premium 2 package
2007 GL450 4Matic - 62,000 Km - Obsidian Black Metallic, black leather, all options
1998 E430 - sold
1989 300E - 333,000 Km - sold
1977 280E - sold
1971 250 - retired

"And a frign hat. They gave me a hat at the annual benefits meeting. I said. how does this benefit me. I dont have anything from the company.. So they gave me a hat." - TheDon

Hello, The Swede.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/14/world/asia/14japan.html

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巧言令色, 鲜矣仁!

Fine words and an insinuating appearance are seldom associated with true virtue. ---Confucius

Paul, of course you and your family have my sympathy and condolences. On the subject of funeral practices, I think we in the US tend to gloss-over the reality of death: I think it would be very instructive for people to see the cremated bones, for instance. Birth and death are messy, unpleasant processes, and our society tries to hide/deny that unpleasantness.

I work at a funeral home/cemetery combination. As a general rule, the family is in a mad rush to get away from the graveside, so they can go to the luncheon or get a beer at the VFW. I did, however, have a family we served recently, who wanted to participate...the grown sons of the deceased took off their suit coats, rolled up their sleeves, and helped close the grave. Truth be known, they slowed down the process more than they helped, but it was important for them to be part of the process.

__________________
2002 Ford ZX2
2 x 2013 Honda Civics

Sorry about the loss Sug.

Dave, I know exactly what you mean. In my wife's very rural family the funeral process is much more personal. They (the women) wash and dress the corpse, for example. The men used to dig the hole but now a relative rents a backhoe to dig the trench. But all of the men who feel so moved take a shovel and back-fill. It involves an almost-ritual of a man taking off his jacket and tie and passing it to a nearby man and then shoveling until he breaks a sweat. It's pretty interesting. I think these old customs will die-out in my generation.

We have sterilized and mechanized life such that few people touch the important transitions. It increasingly reminds me of Huxley's "Brave New World" description of death in his dystopia.

B

PS Paul, I apologize for the digression, but I hope it's appropriate.

Man the man rest in peace.

Your story rotated my stomach many times.

I almost barfed myself. (Liquors and sushi!) I love sushi too!

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2006 BMW M5 "Heidi" @ 109,000 miles
2005 MBZ C55 AMG "Lorelai" @ 165,000 miles
1991 MBZ 300E "Benzachino II" @ 165,000 miles
1990 MBZ 500SL "Shoshanna" @ 118,000 miles

(On the hunt for a good used M103 engine as of 6/10/23, PM me if you have one to sell!)

We all made it back home safely the other day. Six days is a short period of time to travel to and from Japan.

Thank you for all of your kind comments.

__________________
Paul S.

2001 E430, Bourdeaux Red, Oyster interior.
79,200 miles.

1973 280SE 4.5, 170,000 miles. 568 Signal Red, Black MB Tex. "The Red Baron".