A Violent Kid - Page 5 - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

aklim · #61 05-10-2009, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Clk Man

is this the ex wiffe with the small head light and hudge rear end?

Only one small head light? What about the other headlight? Broken?

TylerH860 · #62 05-11-2009, 02:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tankdriver

If you were spanked regularly, how could it be a great deterrent?

Oh please, you know exactly what I meant. I don't think I need to clarify despite the non-intentional contradiction in my previous post.

Bet you had a big smile on your face when you hit the submit reply button, feeling sooooo clever.

LUVMBDiesels · #63 05-11-2009, 07:00 AM

First of all something has to be done to get the girl out of there before her brother kills her or worse.

The problem is the mother has abdicated all responsibility for raising this boy. She has created a power vacuum that the kid is ready to fill. What is SHE getting out of this? Does she groove on the sympathy strangers give her when her child throws a fit? Does she crave the attention of crowd? Does she like all the extra appointments with the shrinks and school officials?

I feel bad for both the boy and the dad. The kid is desperate for boundaries and needs to be stopped. I saw this crap growing up in the '70s, parents who checked out and left the kids to act up in worse and worse ways just to get some attention. The kid needs to know that there are lines he cannot cross i order to feel secure. The father, seems to understand this but is thwarted by the mother. The idea of the shrink to put the dad and the son on pills is ridiculous (just what we need - teach the kid to pop meds)

The one who really needs to see the shrink is the mother to see why she is letting this happen.

I think the cold shoulder treatment she gives out to anybody who CAN control the little brat shows how out of touch she really is.

What I would do is invite the dad and daughter over for a couple weeks so that they can at least get a break from the constant stress of their home.

The other thing could be to call CPS to get the girl out of the house before the boy really hurts her.

There are schools that specialize in providing the structure this kid needs. If the mom cannot do it, he needs to be sent to one before he ends up in Juvie - or worse.

#64 05-11-2009, 07:24 AM

Kid needs an @sswhoping and be sent to bed. My wifes aunt has a great saying "you will always love your child society won't" It is very true. If this woman does nothing then society has more than enough ways to "help".

tankdriver · #65 05-11-2009, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TylerH860

Oh please, you know exactly what I meant. I don't think I need to clarify despite the non-intentional contradiction in my previous post.

Bet you had a big smile on your face when you hit the submit reply button, feeling sooooo clever.

Lighten up, Francis

mgburg · #66 05-11-2009, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raymr

mgburg, thanks for posting that. You are correct in that mom and dad are not on the same page about dealing with their wild kid. The last thing I heard is that the shrink wants to put the boy, and the dad, on medication to tame their anger issues(!). I feel so lucky that we didn't have to deal with that kind of stuff. Then again I made every effort to squash the misbehavior in our kids as soon as I saw it when they were just toddlers. ... As far as hitting, I would not smack any one else's kid. Its not my place to. I also don't know where to go from here. Technically its none of my business but I can't stand by and watch an impending train wreck either.

Oh, don't get me wrong on the hitting part...that was meant more for your brother than you...my SUGGESTION was for you and your wife to take the road of silence and back away from them 'til the son gets himself under control...

I'm afraid that way I would approach your brother's family is the same as I would approach a highly-aggitated dog on a whimpy-worn leash...I'd move away as soon and as fast as possible. The kid has the propensity to explode in the most unpredictable way.

I had a step-father that was less than a trigger-pull from meeting his maker when I was 10yo...the only thing that saved him and me from that situation of total grief was a thought that ran through my head at that moment. That particular thought, as convoluted as it was and as silly as it seems now, made more sense to me at that moment than anything else that anyone could have said to me...the result of that moment allowed him to live and I was able to walk away from that moment a changed child. It took that epiphany to change my heart...and it DEFINATELY was a change...what prompted it, I don't know...but it was at that time I realized that only I could control the situation around me up to a point and that I had to let things run their proper course.

My situation wasn't anything like what your brother and his son are dealing with...but knowing that kids can (and do) explode is ALWAYS a possiblilty. I would definately check to be sure there are no weapons in the house...and HIGHLY suggest that your brother and neice get out of there...fast.

Maybe your brother explaining, in writing to his wife, the reason for the separation is because he and her can't come to a certain and solid understanding and agreement with how to control Jr.. And until that problem is resolved to EVERYONE'S satisfaction, he needs to take some sort of control and remove as many possible survivors and save them from the situation...since she's not on the same page as him, he needs to leave her with Jr.. He's already at odds with the brainfalks and related minutia on how the current treatments are going and his wife is only keeping the pain-train rolling down that track. He doesn't need that while trying to stabilize his daughter's understanding of the situation too...I'm sorry to say this but I wouldn't want to be in his shoes at this time for all the money in the world...he has one hell of a road ahead of him and all I can add to this is that his family will be in my prayers...you and your family should be available for him...he'll definately need it...and your neice...same for her, if not more so.

Again, good luck with your family and hang in there...there's going to be a few bumps...hopefully that's all it turns out to be.

JollyRoger · #67 05-11-2009, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raymr

Maybe somebody here has some insight or past experience?

My sister-in-law in LA has 2 kids. The boy is 8, the girl is 6. The boy has a history of bullying other kids. He is also very bossy at home, and if he doesn't get his way, he throws a major fit and starts hitting and punching anyone or anything in sight. His parents believe that they should give him free reign, and never tell him 'no'.

It is now to the point where he got kicked out of scouts and other after school activities, and his mom has to come to the school twice a day to deal with his bad behavior. He also now has a college-age mentor who stays with him through most of the school day to act as his grown-up 'buddy'. I don't think the kid has any real friends. Last week he was in the middle of a fight on the playground. The mentor and a teacher were holding him down, while that section of the school was evacuated. When they let him go, he wound up and punched the mentor in the face, resulting in a 3 day suspension.

The kid calls the shots at home, and he insults visitors without reprimand from his parents. He has never been spanked or even scolded. Just a cooing "let's do this instead" kind of thing. I'm afraid for her and whats going to happen when he's 15 or 16 and physically stronger than she is. I told her that her son should not be the boss of the house, and she agrees but she seems helpless as to what to do. His dad is developing a short fuse with all this and faces other personal issues. So far they have not tried any meds for ADD or hyperactivity. My gut instinct would be to give the kid a big smack across the face next time he acts up, just to reestablish the pecking order, but I wouldn't even try suggesting that.

The parents screwed the kid up a long time ago. From what I have seen, the solution for the school situation would be to put the kid on enough Adderol to kill a moose, he'll be a zombie but he'll at least learn something in class and leave the other kids alone, the problem is when he is off the stuff he'll go right back to being his messed-up self.

SwampYankee · #68 05-11-2009, 10:35 AM

Sadly it sounds like he's gotten too far out of hand for too long for a quick and easy solution.

I wonder if he falls into one of the Autistic Spectrum categories?

I've learned with my oldest son that there is no black and white with behavior (not Autistic but they kept trying to attach the ADHD label to him despite doing very well in school). He's never been violent but punishments and repercussions for "screwing around at school" (my term, not theirs), blowing off school/homework, talking back, etc. never enter his head until after the deed has been done and that's when he'd come to the realization that he was wrong. At 11.5 he's markedly better than he was at 8 but he never got away with much without getting punished either.

JollyRoger · #69 05-11-2009, 10:38 AM

It sounds more like sociopathy than autism.

TylerH860 · #70 05-11-2009, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tankdriver

Lighten up, Francis

Don't call me Francis!

Mistress · #71 05-11-2009, 03:48 PM

Get professional help....this kid has never been taught rules, boundaries and limitations which are important in child developement. This child has learned that his behavior is O.K. and is going to keep right on doing it until someone stops him. In addition you have the pathology of how this kid is hard wired. I'm getting alittle frustrated with all this ADD/ADHD quick diagnosis that we are lableling children with because it is the designer disease of the month and its cool. Now we have classrooms loaded with children on drugs because they have cut down recess and kids need to get out and play to expend energy.

mgburg · #72 05-11-2009, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mistress

Get professional help....this kid has never been taught rules, boundaries and limitations which are important in child developement. This child has learned that his behavior is O.K. and is going to keep right on doing it until someone stops him. In addition you have the pathology of how this kid is hard wired. I'm getting alittle frustrated with all this ADD/ADHD quick diagnosis that we are lableling children with because it is the designer disease of the month and its cool. Now we have classrooms loaded with children on drugs because they have cut down recess and kids need to get out and play to expend energy.

A sidebar to the kids getting more exercize in order to expend the energy...

My son Scott was found to be suffering from Petit Mal Seizures...it was being masked by the Ritalin he was put on back when he started kindergarten, which was a few years before I met his mom and ended up adopting him. Without going into the details, getting him off the Ritalin and taking care of the problem with something called Depo-keen brought him back to the real world...but the damage (socially) had already been done...the ex and I had to spend the rest of his "childhood" trying to normalize what was damaged...don't ask...there was, we hope, some good out of all of it.

The problem with pumping drugs into kids is that NO ONE is getting at the root of the problem...whether it be organic, chemical or physical. Until that happens, you and the kid are living on fumes and a piss and a prayer...and that just won't cut it.

And if the kid misses a dose of the drugs?

All bets are cancelled...

Just hope he's not in your neighborhood when the S.W.A.T. Team is called out to put him down.

mgburg · #73 05-11-2009, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mistress

I'm sorry you had to go thru this. Proper evaluation and diagnosis is key when dealing with something like this. Part of the problem is not enough time to properly get to the root of the problem, writing a prescription and shoving the person out the door.

I walked into the situation when I married the ex and adopted Scott...something didn't seem quite right and for some reason I didn't know enough about Ritalin and the reasons for it to even ask any questions...I should have asked but I didn't know WHAT to ask or to whom the questions would have been directed to...

It took the kid, running at full-tilt kid-speed, smacking his forehead onto a crossbar on a "Jungle-Gym" on the school grounds to get to the root of the problem...the teacher saw it happen...we (and the school and doctors) think just before he reached the crossbar, he went into a petit mal seizure, hit the bar and landed flat on his back. The teacher apologized to me when she described it, but she said he looked just like a cartoon character...smacking his head on the bar and momentum carried his feet forward enough and up that he flat-out one-point landed on his back like Willie Coyote in a Road-Runner 'toon.

When we got to the hospital (You bet, they called an ambulance and had his neck in a brace and his body on a back-board!) they already had him wired up for an MRI and EEG to see what was left of him...

He ended up with one hell of welt on the forehead, no fractured skull, but it was the EEG that showed some disturbing brain patterns...after a night of sleep deprivation, he went back in for another, deeper scan and that's when they nailed it as Petit Mal Seizures...Depokeen was prescribed, and after a round or two of proper re-dosing, we managed to get the right amount in him for the right time periods. Then, within 6 weeks, we had newer, improved teenager (Oh goody!

). No more Ritalin and the moodiness disappeared. Then the re-learning of social graces had to begin...

The public schools are the real problem when it comes to working with the kids...all they want, or have time for, is to dope the kids to a reasonably equal level, toss assignments at 'em and hope that something, somewhere, sinks in and stains a few cells of gray between their ears...

Other than that...they're on their own. The strong survive and weak are eaten alive...