Personal question, looking for advise... - Page 2 - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

Can't Know · #16 01-22-2012, 10:01 PM

You handled it fine.

Big picture, though, it's a coping mechanism. Bring it up with the counselor, but if it brings them comfort I'm not convinced it's all that bad for them to have a box of food. Heck, offer to help them keep the boxes stocked with some healthy stuff.

Living in earthquake country we have boxes everywhere and lots of water, too, even in the car...since you never know.

Good luck, JP, and continued kudos on giving them a stable home environment.

spdrun · #17 01-22-2012, 10:38 PM

Can you report that evil woman to the police if you have evidence of food-stamp fraud? Not sure if it goes for females as well, but other convicts normally hate people who mistreat children.

Jim B. · #18 01-22-2012, 10:47 PM

I never had kids, but it sounds to me like you handled things just fine, and the advice given here is excellent, under the circumstances. ( from Mercedes Benz owners/enthusiasts).

Good luck and best wishes to you and your family. I hope it all turns out well for all of you.

barry123400 · #19 01-22-2012, 11:27 PM

Most members like myself have never really experienced hunger first hand. Your kids apparently have. Being hungry can be very traumatic. I would have to say what you are seeing is normal under those circumstances.

Just give them a little time to adjust to the situation that food is always on hand for meals. If they are normal they will do the self adjustment.

I doubt any counselling is indicated unless the issue shows no signs of abating. Just check their rooms quietly without them knowing from time to time for the next few months. For some unknown reason it is always seems to be the bedrooms that have the food stash.

I have seen this issue many many times. Hopefully there will be no really serious issues come to light. Some things can scar for life. It is also commendable that you have taken the load on.

I still deal with far too many kids that the problems cannot really be eliminated. Most those problems are genetically driven unfortunatly.

Fred Framus · #20 01-22-2012, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sixto

Agreed. I mean have a casual conversation with a social worker, not report the situation to a social worker.

Sixto
87 300D

Social workers don't do casual conversations when children are involved.

spdrun · #21 01-22-2012, 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fred Framus

Social workers don't do casual conversations when children are involved.

If the woman gets locked up, good riddance to bad garbage. May she rot.

jplinville · #22 01-22-2012, 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spdrun

If the woman gets locked up, good riddance to bad garbage. May she rot.

The welfare fraud has already been dealt with, and she's now on probation for it.

The Clk Man · #23 01-22-2012, 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jplinville

The welfare fraud has already been dealt with, and she's now on probation for it.

She shouldn't be allowed to have more children.

spdrun · #24 01-23-2012, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jplinville

The welfare fraud has already been dealt with, and she's now on probation for it.

Considering how she treated her kids, tarring and feathering would have been much more appropriate.

Jim B. · #25 01-23-2012, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Clk Man

She shouldn't be allowed to have more children.

I agree.

Can't Know · #26 01-23-2012, 02:34 AM

This evening I spoke with someone I know pretty well who spent 30+ years in the mental health profession. She was heartbroken to hear about your kids having to deal with this, but she also agreed that there is nothing wrong with letting them keep a box of food in their room so long as it's sanitary (no rodents getting into it, perishables, etc.).

She also said your kids should be congratulated on being that aware and resourceful to have made that provision for themselves in the first place.

Since they already have a counselor, it makes sense to gently address it in that context. Not in the sense that they did anything wrong -- not at all, what they did was wise beyond their years -- but to help them get past feeling the continued need for it. But in the meanwhile, no problem letting them hang onto it.

Good luck, JP.

TnBob · #27 01-23-2012, 02:43 AM

Let them keep their "Snoopy security blanket" of food in their rooms. Just insure its critter proof.

Only time will heal the wounds of hunger.

Keep the damned social workers out of the mix too.

jplinville · #28 01-23-2012, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim B.

I agree.

No more kids for her...she had her tubes tied in 1999 after my son was born, and a complete hysto in 2005.

In a way, I feel sorry for her, as I know the manner in which she was raised. Her parents constantly berated her and treated her like garbage, while building her siblings up. They were athletic, and she wasn't. The abuse from her parents never ended. She's the personality type that continues to go back for more, hoping things will change. Our marriage fell apart fairly early, but I did what I had to do to try to keep it together, and the oldest two kids saw it.

To give an example...In the first year of marriage, her parents tried to set her up on multiple blind dates, inviting them to family events that I was unable to attend. They also talked her into funneling money that I made and had in savings over to them, taking my hard earned money under the guise that they were 'owed' by her. I counted over $45k in the last two years of marriage alone. When we split, her parents had to file for bankruptsy and lost their house. They had 2 additional loans on the house, as well as 3 new car payments that I was apparently paying for.

They did the same to her sister's husband, taking his money as well. He split about 2 years after I did, and her parents went on welfare, as well as my ex-wife.

That one odd family, one I wish I never got involved with. I ended up with 3 great kids out of the deal that have been able to look back and see what really happened...not what the family tried to tell them.

As it stands currently, none of the kids want to even talk to their mom, even though I encourage it. They usually hold the phone to their ear and ignore what she's saying. It's sad to see it happen.

At least the kids are out of the situation, and the healing has began. They've adjusted very well, I think. I'm still learning some of the things they neglected to let me know...and it's heartbreaking.

When her dad finally dies, I plan on taking a very long piss on his grave after dancing a jig on it.

SwampYankee · #29 01-23-2012, 07:44 AM

Speaking strictly as a dad, JP, I think you did fine. I'd parrot the comments that if it makes them feel better, let them keep their stash and make sure they've got some healthy stuff in there. It had to be traumatizing for them, you're not going to correct 8.5 years of f'ing up overnight. As they grow accustomed to the stability and food on the table at every mealtime, it will become the norm rather than what they were previously used to.

It's heartbreaking that it's their instinct.

Just keep being the positive influence that you are.

Air&Road · #30 01-23-2012, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jplinville

I was in my son's room, helping him clean out clothes and shoes that no longer fit. I started to look under his bed, to make sure we ahd all of the shoes, when he became protective of a box under his bed.

My first thought was that I found a box that had some adult related magazines in it.

I was dead wrong.

What I found was a rather extensive collection of horded food and drinks.

Let me give you a bit of background on the situation...In October, I gaind full custody of my kids from my ex-wife. I was paying $1300 a month in child support for the last 8.5 years. She was on welfare during that time, a number of times, and wasting my CS money on going out with her friends and playing bingo and such. She was on food stamps, and would take her sister out shopping on it, then collect the cash from her at a 75% rate, so the ex would have more cash on hand.

There were so many times that the kids would call me and tell me that they had no food, that I had standing order at the local pizza joint to deliver the same order to my kids anytime I called. I would send the kids money so that they could have needed school items. I would also have the local mom and pop grocery store pick out a cart full of groceries once a month to be delivered to their house, just so the kids had fresh food to eat. Apparently, it wasn't enough

Their mother wouldn't buy food for the house, and they were constantly complaining that the food they had was outdated and turned bad. It was so bad at the end, that my oldest would wake up in the morning, and take her sister and brother over to my mother's house before school started so that they could eat a good breakfast, then come back after school for an early dinner before heading back to their mom's house.

It seems that my son had been hording food in his bedroom as a conditioned action. He and his sister both had been doing this.

I asked my daughter if she had food in her room as well, and she started to cry, then pulled her stash out from her closet...cans of soda, snack cakes, beef jerky, a few canned goods, single serving mac and cheese cups, ramen noodles, etc., was found there as well as in her brother's room.

I called my oldest daughter, who is living with my mom in Ohio so she can complete her Senior year in HS, and asked her if she knew that they were doing it. She said that they all used to do it, and that she's had a hard time teaching herself that it wasn't needed anymore, that there would ALWAYS be food in the house.

The kids were hording food because they lived 8.5 years without knowing if they were going to have food in their house or not at any given moment.

I sat them down this afternoon, and explained to them that they don't need to do that anymore, that there always will be food in the house, and that as long as I'm alive, they'll never go without food. I had them return the foods to the pantry.

My question...Did I handle this correctly? How would you have handled this? What can I do to make sure this ends??

All three are already in counseling to undo the damage that was done while living with their mom.

I'm looking for advise on this...

jplin,

In reading this, I thought that it was headed in a different direction. I'm afraid my nose got a little wet as I read on.

I have absolutely no training or background with such issues other than raising two kids with pretty normal issues to deal with along the way.

From where I sit, it seemed like you did the right thing. You convinced them that they can depend on you. I think the other advice you recieved in this thread might be valid. If there are other issues that typically go along with this, you definitely need to learn about them.

You're a good Dad! Keep up the good work.

Larry