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  #1  
Old 08-15-2002, 12:18 AM
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Thumbs up long distance relationships

Well after much debating my girlfriend and I have decided to try the long distance thing. Our college's are about 2 hours apart, and at the very least i should be able to see her once a month or so. I'm looking for advice/tips on ways to make these easier, as i know challenges will come, and only logical thinking and thoughts from each of our hearts will help us get through those challenges. We have debated over many options, and trying the "distance" just seems to make us both feel best at the moment. Calling plans on cell phones make it such that if we wanted to, we could talk on the phone almost every night, and we will both have email. Basically, i'm looking for advice from a part of my "second family" on things to do, and not to do. I trust her completely so trust is not even an issue i'm the least bit worried about. Thanks!
R

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  #2  
Old 08-15-2002, 01:55 AM
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Ahh yes.....long distance relationships. I think I might be able to give you some advice considering my now wife used to live in Brazil and me in the US for nearly 1.5 years before we finally could be together.

A few things I learned is that communication is crucial for a long distance relationship. You'll definitely want to make sure you set some money aside for big phone bills (mine were usually higher than my car payments!) Something else we learned is the importance of ICQ or MSN personal chat programs. These allowed us to talk without major phone bills. If you're lucky enough that your colleges have ISDN or high speed modems then you can easily add a mic and speakers and talk over the modem for free.

Once you've figured out how to communicate you need to make sure you do communicate. Talking about your day and the events around you is very important. Don't leave out the details, you'll find it brings you closer. Definitely make the effort to talk to each other and try and set up a time that you'll both be able to talk every night. If one of you finds you can't be there to talk then email or make a quick call to prevent the other from getting worried or jealous.

Try and plan dates that you can meet each other on weekends or even week days and stick to them. This should be fairly easy considering you are only 2 hours apart. Introduce each other to your friends, I think this is very important. If your serious about each other, in college acceptance from your peers is helpful. It will prevent you from being steered down the wrong path by your "friends".

Now the tough part. Your going through college and you'll meet tons of new people and I guarantee you'll be distracted. You'll grow alot through college more so socially than anything else in my belief. There will be parties and hangouts, study groups and clubs which you'll want to take part in. If you really care for her and she really cares for you then you'll stick together, but don't forget to make new friends and go out with them too! You don't want to close yourself off to the rest the world to maintain the relationship, it's not healthy and you won't be happy.

Feel free to ask any question or email me if you like. Hope this helped and good luck.
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  #3  
Old 08-15-2002, 02:29 AM
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Thanks for the reply placo, you definately raised some good points. I especially like what you said about introducing each other to each other's friends. That way, neither one of our "groups" will be saying "you should go out with her, or him" and creating pressure to break us apart. I beleive both of our online connections are at a T1, so actually, if i had the money video-phone would even be possible. I know this will be challenging, but the way i feel is that every time i see her or am with her it will be worth all the challenges times 10. I also like what you brought up about the details of things. She is much better than I on explaining the details. I tend to be more sucinct when describing something, i guess i need to work on that. As far as phone bills go i have 3500 nite and weekend minutes with no roaming/long distance, and she has weekends free. Therefore, i can call her main phone on weeknights and she can call mine on weekends. There is no way i can talk for 100 minutes every night of the month, so using all my minutes is next to impossible! She truely is a great girl, and i'd have to be extremely stupid to let two hours break us up. I'm a firm beleiver that attitude makes a huge differance, so if we go into this thinking we will make it i beleive we will. HOwever, if one of us doubts we will make it then all of our efforts are useless. Thanks again for the reply, you brought up some very interesting points!
R
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  #4  
Old 08-15-2002, 02:54 AM
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Ok, this is what you do, buy a 500E, then it will bring the commute down to 1 hour. JK. My parents were long distance since high school, and they are doing fine. My dad still commutes for his job 800 miles in his truck. 2 hours is nothing in a benz. Definately you could see her every other weekend. I have a cell phone for 50 a month with 3000 night an dweekend and 600 day time minutes. Make sure to do you rhomework and not talk to your g/f online all the time. Make time for that once a night or something and stay away from the computer because it sucks up your time. I had a long distance think for about 8 months....it sucks when you have a moment you know. 130 miles is big difference from 500, you could drive 2 hours there and 2 hours back in the morning if you really wanted to. Go for it man, dont let distance stand in the way between love..
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  #5  
Old 08-15-2002, 06:09 AM
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Thumbs up

Ryan, it's too bad that neither of you are living in California. I found a phone service where you pay a flat rate of $25 a month for unlimited in-state calling (I believe that it's $50 if yo're calling out of state, but the originator has to be in CA). It played a crucial role in keeping my current relationship together.

I actually met my current girlfriend over AOL Instant Messenger. Don't worry; we met in person before getting "together". She lived about 5 hours away from where I live. It took a lot of stamina to maintain the relationship, with numerous factors (including a "friend" of hers who was desperate enough to break us up that he was actually caught red-handed trying to steal some things I had given her, at one point {she no longer talks to him}), but we've been together almost 2 years now. And she actually decided to move up here for college; she's been living with me and my mom for nearly a year now.

In essence, the other two responders have made great points, and I agree with them. Just remember that it can be done. Heck, 2 hours is nothing.

As John Lennon put it, "All you need is love" If you keep the love strong (as others have said, communication is the key with a long-distance relationship), you will get through the college years.

Good luck!
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  #6  
Old 08-15-2002, 07:24 AM
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My commute to work is almost as long as your distance relationship. And I wouldn't say I love my job - its OK.

You don't really have a long-distance relationship here. Its merely "regional".



Ken300D
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  #7  
Old 08-15-2002, 10:51 AM
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I did a 6-month contract in Colorado Springs while leaving my wife and daughter back in Texas.

Coughed up the money to fly back and forth every weekend, and yeah, the phone bills were astronomical!

Still, a marriage is a binding relationship, and can endure the long-distance issue. I tried that with girlfriends, but it just didn't work out for me. Especially since I ended my last long-distance relationship to be with my now wife of ten years!

The previous posts said it all, though...good luck!
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  #8  
Old 08-15-2002, 12:59 PM
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Long distance relationship = all talk and no trousers.
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  #9  
Old 08-15-2002, 04:50 PM
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I've had experience with long distant relationships. Accordingly, I would offer this little piece of honest advice.

I had a long distance relationship when I was in graduate school, another while I was in law school and for awhile, I lived away from my former wife because I worked in another city for 6 months. I was tempted, all the time, to investigate other "possibilities." Who's to know, right? How you react to those possibilities is an indication of things between you and your girlfriend, between you and your image of yourself (integrity), between you and your peers (partying was even part of the scene when I was in college!).

Anyway, be SAFE by practicing the following. If you feel yourself embarking on something secretive (S), which could be abusive (A) or hurtful to someone including yourself, of that person's feelings (F), and exploitive (E) of someone or of a situation, step back and think for a moment of how you got there, what you really want over the long term and whether you're really doing and feeling what you want. Be honest with yourself and react or act accordingly.

That exercise might just help you avoid situations and temptations which could destroy your relationship with your girlfriend, or help you through a situation where you realize that your relationship with your girlfriend isn't really what it could or should be or what you really want.

I wish I'd known it in college......
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  #10  
Old 08-16-2002, 12:36 AM
sflori
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Smile

R,

Until this past April, I was in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half. You've gotten some great advice from the forum.

Here's my added two cents: Don't forget about that antiquated "snail mail". I used to send my former girlfriend a letter or a card about once a week. She would save each one of them and sometimes tape them on the wall of her room. I think it helps them if they're able to see something real and physical nearby that reminds them of you when you're not there. Good luck!
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  #11  
Old 08-16-2002, 01:08 PM
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I was separated from my wife before we married for 7 months, which was very difficult, and then for 3 months after we were married. I was in the U.S. and she was in Japan, so it was really a long-distance relationship.

We racked up $800 phone bills the first two months.

My first bit of advice is to say that long distance relationships generally don't work. Relationships require nurturing, and without time together, it's hard to do.

Having said that, you're only 2 hours apart, which seems awfully close to still call it a "long distance relationship". If I was just 2 hour apart, I'd see her every weekend (ar her hourse or my house) and maybe even once during the week where you'll meet somewhere in-between.

I wish you the best of luck and to do everything to stay in close contact via e-mail, instant messenger-type chatting, etc.

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