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  #1  
Old 04-02-2003, 12:36 AM
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Oil Change - Woman versus Man

OK, I don't normally go for this type of thing on the BBS and I promise this is the only time but this just seemed to fit so well from this last week working on the cars.
My wife sent this to me...

INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $ 1.00
Total: $21.00




INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN:

1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on yourself in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the backyard along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December 1992 in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $ 75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $ 25.00
Total: $4150.00
But... you know the job was done right!!!
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  #2  
Old 04-02-2003, 08:11 AM
LarryBible
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Sounds great, but you did not post the after effects.

The womans change ends up, if she's lucky, with the plug threads in the oil pan stripped causing the plug to fall out after the next oil change. This ruins the engine in her E Class. She knows nowhere else to go, so the dealer charges $8,000 for a fresh engine.

Usually on a Friday night, I put the drain pans under the car, pull the plug and oil filter in less than five minutes.

The next morning, I replace the plug, put in new filter, add oil and pour the drained oil into the one gallon oil jugs for hauling to the recyclers once I get a few gallons accumulated and am headed to town to run errands. The Saturday morning costs me less than a half hour plus one cup of coffee.

I remain sober, out of jail and have had a chance to give everything under the front of the car a quick inspection in the process.

BTW, my wife, for her oil change, pulls her car in the driveway on a Friday night and goes about her business. I apply the same procedure to her car and she is usually ready to go by about 9:00AM on a Saturday morning. Of course, she will NEVER be ready to go ANYWHERE on a Saturday morning as early as 9:00AM, so she never even knows that the oil was changed, nor does she care.

Have a great day,
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  #3  
Old 04-02-2003, 08:34 AM
edge's Avatar
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Location: CT
Posts: 1,394
Curious

LarryBilble, do you like your '01 C class and are you glad you bought it or do you wish you had bought another used MB and had the extra cash or no monthly payments. I'm curious because I am shifting away from new cars and buying used MB diesels and what I enjoy most besides the sheer roomy size of the cabin, is the absence of monthly payments. I would appreciate your candid opinion, thanks.
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  #4  
Old 04-02-2003, 09:37 AM
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Seems like the beer was the main problem.

Mabe there should be a CWI (Changing while Intoxicated) law.

P E H
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  #5  
Old 04-02-2003, 02:09 PM
LarryBible
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edge,

I really, REALLY like my C class. The ONLY thing bad about it is the fact that the company I work for has one foot in the grave. I don't know what I'll do if I'm forced to sell it.

Except for the crappy Goodyear tires that came on it originally it has not given any significant trouble. The cupholder broke and there was a recall on the turn signal wiring harness, but it was all handled well by the dealer.

Comparing it to an early diesel, however, is something I can't do. This is like comparing oranges to apples. They are just TOTALLY different vehicles.

P.E.,

Does your wife have a sister?

When my daughter started driving her 123 car, I made her change oil and then she did front brake pads, all under my supervision. She took a lot of pride with it.

Since she was very small, she always showed great coordination with sports, piano, etc. It was no different handling tools, she seemed to just pick up a punch and hammer and go right at it as if she had done it all her life. She started throwing wrenches and ratchets around easily as well.

My son never could do that kind of stuff well, she is definitely the one that inherited all that from me.

Have a great day,
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  #6  
Old 04-02-2003, 02:20 PM
Old Deis
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No beer, but I had enough adventure changing oil last Friday night to last me for a while.
I was following Larry's advice and drove the car into the garage last Friday night. Put it up on stands and set up everything to drain the oil. I use a large funnel and let it run into a 1 1/2 gallon plastic bottle. Pulled the plug and let her drain. Watched it for a little and it all seemed to go so well.
Got a call so left it to drain for the night. All looking good there. Came back next morning and there was about 7 quarts of oil on the floor. The funnel had some goop in it, (little brother drained something in there) and I did not see it. It filled up and then tipped over.
So I got to spend the day cleaning my garage floor, and everything around it. Still have more to clean.
Lesson learned is not to trust anything, no matter how simple it appears.
Still good advice Larry. Maybe beer would have helped, no... Maybe a glass of Chardonney. It always goes well with Delvac.
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  #7  
Old 04-02-2003, 03:32 PM
LarryBible
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You can buy a flat galvanized drain pan that holds about 10 quarts for just a few bucks at the auto supply. It has a lip that allows you to pour into a funnel.

Good luck,
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  #8  
Old 04-02-2003, 03:40 PM
Old Deis
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Larry, I bought one this week already. One oil slick is enough for me.
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  #9  
Old 04-02-2003, 03:46 PM
123c
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I spend 1-2 hours when I change my oil. I have some ramps I drive my car up on, but the container I catch the oil in is low profile enough that I can slip it under the car without getting it up in the air. Most of the time I go inside and watch tv while the oil is slowly dripping, other times I fix or clean little things here and there.
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  #10  
Old 04-02-2003, 03:55 PM
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I'm going to try the electric suction pump out method outlined on the Balyor U MB Enthusiast site. Now that I have 2 diesels I am going to be doing my own work and any method that is easier is appreciated.
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  #11  
Old 04-03-2003, 11:08 AM
Charlie Mitchel
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oil:

Jiffy Lube {not for me.}
I go to Sam's buy Case of oil {6 gal} for $24.00 est. Buy six filter at a time.
Pull car in hot lay down on pavement with 13mm wrench and oil pan. Pull plug, loose fill cap, pull filter and replace with new and o-ring with oil. Put fill cap on clean rag in drivers seat as reminder {to add oil dummy.} Go about my business for hour then reinstall drain plug. Add two gallons, pour old oil in to empty's and mark jug USED, replace oil filler cap. Crank her up till pressure, check for leaks, check oil level and all other fluids.
One thing I left out I use those cute little blue glove's and don't have a drop of oil on me. I didn't jack the car up just slid under enough even with my fat belly. Have Topsider never use it. This way is faster and as Larry said I can inspect the underside of car for any other problems.
If I ever have the good fortune to buy a newer Benz with the plastic underpinning. I will measure to the oil drain plug and cut underpinning with hole saw and install a rubber plug to get to plug. No way I would pull that every time.
Charlie
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  #12  
Old 04-03-2003, 01:17 PM
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This is a very timely post! Here's what's happened so far at our house regarding a pending oil change:

1. With all the repairs pending on Belinda (our 300TD), and Belinda2 (the would-be donor for Belinda), Mary (our 1973 280) is being ignored. She is well over due for an oil change.

2. I cut a Jiffy Lube coupon out of the paper ($4 off!) and leave it on the kitchen counter where my husband can't miss it. He uses it for his wet tea bag.

3. I wipe the tea stain off, and suggest to him that we use Jiffy Lube to save time, since he's so busy yadda yadda yadda. He has such scorn for the idea I realize I will need a Jiffy Lawyer if I persue the matter further.

4. I buy a case of oil and a filter.

5. A week goes by.

6. Another week goes by.

7. I start to feel really guilty. Both about poor ignored Mary, and my poor overworked husband. I decide I will change the oil. (Guilt is the greatest of motivators for women).

8. This takes us to last night. Feeling really keen and knowledgable now that I'm visiting a shop forum, I prepare to change the oil.

9. I remove my ruby ring and my wedding ring, then spend 10 minutes trying to decide where to hide them so my 3yr old won't find them, but that I will still remember where they are (Memo to self- try to remember where those rings are).

10. I go to my husband's half of the closet and pick out some clothes I have never really liked anyway. :p

11. My husband sees me, realizes I'm serious. His eyebrows furrow, and he starts to scratch his left ear (a sure sign he's worried). He quickly disappears outside.

12. I spend a little more time finding a coat of his that I dont' really like either.

13. When I go outside, he has already been underneath the car and realizes it takes a 14mm allen wrench to remove the oil plug. We do not have a 14mm allen wrench (this is our first time changing the oil, btw).

14. I phone around to Crappy Tire and a few other local places, and no one has a 14 mm allen wrench.

15. My husband starts mumbling something about making his own, then he disappears in to his shop.

16. I take my (his) coat off, and sit down and watch a video with my daughter.

17. My husband reappears with a 'gizmo' he has created using a 14mm bolt.

18. We look outside and realize... it's too dark. It'll have to wait till tomorrow.

Whew! That was CLOSE! :p :p

(do you really have to let it drain overnight? I hadn't planned for that)
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  #13  
Old 04-03-2003, 02:47 PM
Diesel Power
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I don't let my vehicles drain overnight, and I've never had any problems. Some people just want to insure that every last bit of the old is out before putting in the new. Me, I just wait untill flow reduces down to a very slow drip - about 10 to 15 minutes. I don't change my oil hot either. I got sick of burning my hands as I'm one of those that absolutely cannot do an oil change without getting some amount of the dirty crap on my hands.
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  #14  
Old 04-03-2003, 05:44 PM
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LOL

That's a good one.

I especially like the whew part...
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'99 S420 - Mommies
'72 280SE 4.5 - looking to breathe life into it
'84 300SD Grey - Sold
'85 300SD Silver - Sold
'78 Ski Nautique
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  #15  
Old 01-31-2005, 01:15 PM
BusyBenz
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Where has this treasure been hiding?
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