Those are bad things???

It was a pleasant day, and on a good road the 240D bowled merrily along. Suddenly it gave a wheezy cough and stopped dead. Investigation showed that the engine had dropped out a dozen miles back. The 240D had run twelve miles on its reputation.

An automobile tire salesman got off the train at a small crossroads town, and asked one of the natives whether there were any automobiles in town.
"Yep, there's nine of them," was the reply.
"Is there a garage here?" he inquired further.
"Nope, they're all Mercedes," was the answer.

One gentleman wants his Unimog buried with him when he dies. He says he has never been in a hole yet where it did not get him out.

Stolen Mercedes
George drove his brand new Mercedes car to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Barbara, his regular sales woman.

Barbara was a pretty blonde, and as George walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.

Five minutes later, Barbara came running up to him yelling, "George! George! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"

"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"

"No," Barbara said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"

Painting
A neighborhood kid was looking for ways to earn money. He knocked on the door of one house, and when the man answered the boy asked, "Hey mister, got any odd jobs I can do?"

The man indeed had a job for the boy to do. He handed the boy a can of red paint and a brush. "Paint my porch." The boy was eager to do a good job and the man went back inside.

A couple hours later, the boy knocked on the door again. "Okay, mister, I'm done painting. But I gotta tell ya, that's not a Porsche, it's a Mercedes."

New Mercedes
A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened.

Furious, he demanded to see the plant manager, and told him "When I buy a $80,000 car I expect the *?@ radio to work."


The plant manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear. Pretty neat stuff.

He got back into the car and said, "country music," and old Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll", he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator.

He was relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham, and listening to smooth sounds. Then a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road.

"Stupid rednecks!" he screamed.

The radio immediately blurted out, "TOUCHdooooooooown AllaBAAAAAAAmaaa!!!!"

Mercedes for $150
A woman was looking for a used car to buy and saw an ad in the classifieds. It read: Brand new 2003 Mercedes Benz SL 55 AMG, silver metallic, loaded with options. Will sell for $150.00.

She was astonished and decided to call the seller and check it out. The woman selling the car was glad to show it to her and, to her surprise, the car was in absolutely perfect condition.

She asked the woman, "What's the catch? Why are you selling this car so cheaply?"

"Well," she said, "it's my husband's car actually, and he recently ran off with his young secretary. I got a telegram from him last week that read: 'In Miami. Need money. Sell car.'"

Raining
Two dumb blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.
The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously,
"Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

Mercedes Star on Taxi
A taxi driver driving a Mercedes-Benz picked up a rather simple looking fellow at the airport one day.

When the gentleman got in and they started on their way he enquired what the three pinned emblem on the front is for. The driver replied "why it's for lining it up at people so you can run them down".

"Ah I see", said the man.

With this the taxi driver starts heading straight for an elderly woman but at the last second swerves away and hears a loud bang, he looks curiously over at the passenger who is hanging out of the car with the door wide open: "I thought you were going to miss there for a minute!"

Mercedes Star
The CEO of the luxury car maker Mercedes Benz was proud of all his staff. One fine day, he decided to make a trip down to a company's plant to interact with the workers. All the top managers upon knowing his rare appearance to the plant were very excited about it and made sure they prepared their workers for the Chairman arrival.

At the plant, the Chairman posed a very simple question to his managers, "who can tell me what the Mercedes circular insignia at the front of the car represents?"

All the managers were dumbfounded. Just then, a young sleepy chap amongst the workers was quick to answer,

"Oh that's simple, u fools. It stands for: 8 o'clock start work, 12 o'clock lunch & 5 o'clock go back!"

= = = "MERCEDES BENZ DRIVING TEST" = = =

1. Before changing lanes you should: (A) signal. (B) check. (C) both a & b. (D) just swing into the lane without doing either a or b.

2. The top light on a traffic signal is: (A) red. (B) yellow. (C) green. (D) Who cares, it doesn't apply to me anyway.

3. The speed limit in a residential area is: (A) 35 MPH. (B) 25 MPH. (C) 45 MPH. (D) I paid $65,000 for this car, I'll drive as fast as I want.

4. In California, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should: (A) slow to a walking pace. (B) go around the block. (C) stop. (D) speed up and honk your horn.

5. In the other 49 states, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should: (A) maintain your speed. (B) slow a little. (C) slow a lot. (D) speed up and don't bother honking your horn.

6. Your may make a left turn from the right lane: (A) never. (B) when there is a left turn arrow. (C) on Sunday at 2 A.M. (D) When ever you daRn well feel like it.

7. When a school bus has flashing red lights, you: (A) must stop. (B) may pass on the left after checking. (C) may pass after slowing to 5 MPH. (D) use your car phone to order Chinese food while passing on the left.

8. When you hear an emergency vehicle siren, you should: (A) pull to the right and stop. (B) pull into the nearest car wash. (C) roll down your windows. (D) turn up the radio and ignore it.

9. You may make a U-turn in front of a fire station: (A) never. (B) when the doors are closed. (C) if there are no police around. (D) when you have missed your turn.

10. When approaching a traffic light where cars are stopped, you should: (A) relax. (B) watch the signal. (C) stop a safe distance back from the car in front. (D) call your wife/secretary on your car phone so everyone can see that you have a car phone.

11. When turning onto a side street, you should signal: (A) two blocks before turning. (B) two car lengths before turning. (C) two miles before turning. (D) what for, if the guy behind me hits me, I'll sue him.

12. A U-turn in a business district is legal: (A) only at an intersection. (B) always. (C) never. (D) if I pass a sale at the jewelers.

13. Parking in a red-zone is permitted: (A) never. (B) on Sunday. (C) if there is a fire hydrant. (D) when I'll only be there for five minutes.

14. What is your annual gross income: (A) $10,000-20,000. (B) $20,000-40,000. (C) $40,000-80,000. (D) $80,000 and up.

Scoring

If you answered 'd' on every question, you have a perfect score. You are certified to drive a Mercedes Benz Automobile. You may, at your discretion, proceed to your nearest Mercedes Benz authorized distributor and select the Mercedes Benz Automobile of your choice.

If you answered a, b, or c on two or fewer questions, you may request a retest in two weeks time. Please study the Mercedes Benz motor vehicle guide in preparation for your retest.

If you answered a, b, or c on more than two questions, we're sorry, you just don't have the proper attitude to be a Mercedes Benz Automobile driver. Perhaps you should consider a BMW.

Thank you for your interest in Mercedes Benz Automobiles.

Eager to reach 300 posts?

Great jokes, keep it up.

A mercedes a house and a million in stock

One guy leaves for a bathroom break. Three guys are left.
The first guy says, "I was worried that my son was gonna be a
loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership.
Turns out that he got a break, they made him a salesman,
and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership.
In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his best friend
a new Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy says, "I was worried about my son too because
he started out raking leaves for a Realtor. Turns out HE got a break,
they made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the
real estate firm. In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his
best friend a new house for his birthday."
The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. My son started out sweeping
floors in a brokerage firm. Now, he's so rich that he just gave HIS
best friend a million in stock for his birthday."
The fourth guy comes back from the can.
The first 3 explain that they are telling stories about their kids,
so he says, "Well, I'm embarrassed to admit that my son hasn't
done much career-wise. He started out as a hairdresser and is STILL a
hairdresser after 15 years. But I guess his personal life is going OK.
He's gay and has SEVERAL boyfriends. And to give you an idea just how
much his boyfriends like him, check this out: three of his boyfriends
just gave him a new Mercedes, a new house, and a million in stock for his birthday!

http://www.mbz.org/info/fun/