WHAT YOUR CAR SAYS ABOUT YOU


Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires.

Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states.

Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.

Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp.

Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating up people.

Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.

Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis.

Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.

Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones.

Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.

Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.

Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.

Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.

Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.

Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.

Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.

Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler.

MGB - I am dating a mechanic.

Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.

Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.

Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock.

Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal.

Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet.

Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns.

Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet.

Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now.

Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife.

I'll add these to the list:

Mini Cooper - Driving is a serious mattter (not)!
Toyota Prius - Let's drill the North Shore (We can start as soon as hell freezes over)

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85 300D 75K Anthracite Grey 0-60 in 13 seconds **For Sale**
84 300D 333K Black (The Velveteen Rabbit) 0-60 in 14 seconds
00 Toyota Sienna 208K (Sold)
15 Subaru Outback 43K
11 Subaru Outback 67K
98 Ford Taurus 100K (Gertie - Was Grandma's - drove it to church and shopping - really) Daughter's car now.
30 Model A Ford 2 Door Sedan (Sold) 0-60 in . . . Never reached 60

Add:

Scion xB - I still play with saltine boxes.

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RRGrassi


70's Southern Pacific #5608 Fairmont A-4 MOW car

13 VW JSW 2.0 TDI 193K, Tuned with DPF and EGR Delete.

99 W210 E300 Turbo Diesel, chipped, DPF/Converter Delete. Still needs EGR Delete, 232K

90 Dodge D250 5.9 Cummins/5 speed. 400K

Gone and still missed...1982 w123 300D, 1991 w124 300D

Hans and Frans worked together in the factory, and both were laid off,
so off they went to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Hans
said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk
looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave
him $100 a week unemployment pay.

Frans was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter" he replied. Since diesel
fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave Frans $300 a week. When Hans
found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend
and coworker was collecting more than double his pay. The clerk explained:
panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor.
"What skill?" yelled Hans. "I sew the elastic on, Frans pulls them on, and
says, "Ya, diesel fitter."

A real estate mogul in Beverly Hills, CA buys a BIG, new, full-house
Mercedes Benz, pulls out of dealership, comes to stoplight, and
encounters a
guy driving a similar, loaded MB.

He says..."do you have the V12 ?"

"Yep"

"Do you have the phone/fax machine?"

"Sure do"

"Do you have the TV set?"

"Of course . . . and I have the bed!" And with that the man drives off.

The first MB owner says, "THE BED? I gotta get the bed." So he goes
to his Beverly Hills MB dealer and says, "I don't care what it costs,
I want THE BED!"

Two weeks later he has his new MB with a bed and he encounters the
same guy with the similar Mercedes at a stoplight. The car is parked
at a restaurant and it appears no one is in it, so he goes over and
knocks on the rear window. The window comes down slowly and car guy
one says. "hey, hey, I got THE BED!"

The other guy, irritated, says, "You got me out of the shower for
that?"

OIL CHANGING INSTRUCTIONS

Women:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Men:
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992) in the left boob.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car

Hello Everyone
Stopped at the local hot dog and burger joint for dinner.
Pull in, park, leave it running and lock the doors.
Set at the bar to order takeout.
Ten minutes later; MR red neck teen (Ford truck, V8 open headers gasser, jacked up) walks in, choking and gasping about the diesel stench and racket.
I ignored him.
I paid and he paid right behind me.
He got his V8 gasser fired up and watched me unlock my 300SD, he started punching his gasser up to 4 or 5K trying to irritate me, I got the food loaded, climbed in, dropped it in gear, the fool wound out his truck to the max and popped the clutch.
Very loud kersproing as both drive shafts broke off the transfer case.
I calmly eased into the throttle and laughed my way home.

daBenz really did have someone run out with a trash can while trolling through a quiet, small mid-western town (daBenz doesn't have a hood pad). Wasn't sure what was going on so I stepped into the throttle and beat him to the end of his driveway.

__________________
daBenz - 1970 220D

Hello,
Jaguar DO offer a diesel S-type or X-type, only not in the USA.

__________________
Nachi11744

This thread was fun to read. What a way to start the day.

Thanks All...........

Stephen

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98 K2500 Suburban 6.5 Luxo Barge

"We cannot change the wind - But we can adjust our sails"

i've got a something or other eating grin on my face

beginning to like the slight odor of diesel.
We compared vehicle fuel bills. LOL
Guess which cost less.
Her 2002 Grand Prix uses 2 tanks of gas to my 1 tank of diesel.
She has me looking for another possible buy for her.
Here is a chukle:
She asked if Jaguar offered a diesel. LOL!!!

If jag offered a diesel, it would probibly make grown men cry..

But there very attractive vehicles.

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One more Radar Lover gone...
1982 VW Caddy diesel 406K 1.9L AAZ
1994 E320 195K

Just found out that there was limited production of the XJ40 with an OEM diesel engine. :SHOCK:
I am told there is a fellow in Canada who has one.
I am trying to arrange a visit and test drive.

LOL
http://www.roadtripamerica.com/signs/fried.htm