Interest in an insult thread?

[250 Coupe]

There is a collection of insults going on another thread and someone wondered if there was interest in a thread here to collect them all.

I have a four page missive titled "Bishop Richard leads the choir" that I could unleash here to start it off. I've had the thing for years and it's burning a hole in my hard drive.


Michael

[davidmash]

Let her rip.

[250 Coupe]

Use these as you see fit.

As bright as a 5 watt bulb.
Doesn't have the common sense that God gave to seafood.
Sharp as a marble
The light is on but nobody is home.
Somewhere a village is missing an idiot.
Definitely has a hole in his dinghy.
Has splinters on his brain.
Lost as a goose in a fog.
A few fries short of a happy meal.
A few bricks shy of a full load.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.
Fell out of the stupid tree and hit all of the branches on the way down.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
A few clowns short of a circus.
If he had another brain it would be lonely.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all his corn flakes in one bowl.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam no beer.
The cheese slid off of his cracker.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
His antenna doesn't get all of the channels.
Missing a few buttons on the remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
In the pinball game of life, his flippers are a little too far apart.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
A room temperature IQ.
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
A prime candidate for natural deselection.
Bright as Alaska in December.
During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
Fell out of the family tree.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Has two brains -- one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
He's so dense, light bends around him.
If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
Takes him 1.5 hours to watch "60 Minutes."
Not the sharpest tack in the box, but he can hold up a piece of paper.

[250 Coupe]

I've chosen to post this as an attachment. After rereading it, I'm not sure it’s for everyone. It does not use profanity but does mention pouring (urine) out of a boot and a couple of lines about vomit.

It’s a reply to some one that was trying to start a flaming war.

The recipient was never heard from again.

I admit to finding humor in most of it but that could just be me.

Michael

[Zeitgeist]

...I admit it, my slinky's kinked.

These are from US Army Officer Evaluation forms:

1. I would only follow this officer into combat out of curiosity.

2. This Lieutenant started at the bottom of his class and is rapidly digging himself deeper down.

[davidmash]

I don't have any to add but some of these made my day.

I do have a question about one of them. Now I realize this is an insult thread and not rocket science but

"He does not have his dogs oll on one leash"

does not make sense to me. I would think that you want the dogs all on seperate leashes since dags walk at different rates, are different sizes ... etc.

Maybe I am reading more into this than needed lol

[rickg]

Here's my fav quote from a fella I worked for many years ago. And yes, he would actually say this to certain people.

"If I could buy you for what I thought you were worth, and sell you for what you thought you were worth, I could make a hell of a profit."

[Wes Bender]

Just because he understands it doesn't mean that it won't work....

[Honus]

I had a boss who said a guy stunk so bad he'd puke a buzzard off a gut truck. (I don't know for sure, but I think a gut truck is a truck that takes dead animals to the rendering plant.)

He also had a variation of an insult listed in one of the previous posts: So stupid he couldn't pour [urine] out of boot if the instructions were written on the heel. (I find it odd that an expression referring to [urine] in footwear would become so well known. Is that a common problem?)

[Botnst]

He thinks he's a wit, and he's half-right.

She's so ugly she'd stop a clock.

I refuse to enter into a battle of wits with you - its against my moral code to attack an unarmed person.

[Plantman]

I can't wait for you to be dead.........heard it in a 'gangsta' movie once, thought it was pretty funny.

[GermanStar]

I am aware of the single most vile and offensive insult in the English language. I claim no credit or originality -- I overheard it once. I have used it perhaps twice in my life. That said, it's simply too offensive to post.