Wit, wisdom and humor are just a few of my favorite things about our beloved forum and it's members. Let's hear some of your favorite and funniest expressions...
1. I'm gonna treat you like a newpaper and turn the page.
2. Your so ugly you have to tie a porkchop around your nexk to get the dog to play with you.
3. If someone told you to hall a++ you'd have to make two trips.
4. I have one good nerbe left and damn if you haven't worked it!
5. Excuse me but who whizzed in your Wheaties this morning?
6. She could suck the chrome off a 57' Chevy.

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"It's normal for these things to empty your wallet and break your heart in the process."
2012 SLK 350
1987 420 SEL

He's so cheap he pinches a nickel until the buffalo $hits / penny until Lincoln screams.

Slipperier than snot on a doorknob.

Busier than the backdoor of a whorehouse on a Friday night.

Busier than a one-armed paperhanger.

A favorite description for something that is very large: "Moosec0ck size"

Busier than a one-legged man in an a$$ kicking contest.


might add more later...

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It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so. Robert A. Heinlein


09 Jetta TDI
1985 300D

"He's real cheap. He has low pockets and short arms."

"Anybody can borrow his lawn mower. It has a coin slot on it."

"She was injured recently over in England. She got hurt sliding down a barrister." (-- Dorothy Parker, about an acquaintance with notoriously loose morals)

"If there is a Hell, I will most certainly end up having tea and crumpets with Beelzebub in my cute little wicker basket."

(About a sleazy hooker) "Here comes our local sales rep for Spirochetes ‘R’ Us."

"She was so fat the travel agent told her it would be easier to bring Europe to her."

"If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"He got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching."
.

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-- Paul W. (The Benzadmiral)
('03 Buick Park Avenue, charcoal/cream)
Formerly:
'97 C230, smoke silver/parchment; '86 420SEL, anthracite/light grey; '84 280CE (W123), dark blue/palomino

Wetter than a cow pissin' on a flat rock

You look like you been whooped with a ugly stick (Bo Diddley)

If brains was dynamite you couldn't blow your nose

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1991 560 SEC AMG, 199k <---- 300 hp 10:1 ECE euro HV ...

1995 E 420, 170k "The Red Plum" (sold)

2015 BMW 535i xdrive awd Stage 1 DINAN, 6k, <----364 hp

1967 Mercury Cougar, 49k

2013 Jaguar XF, 20k <----340 hp Supercharged, All Wheel Drive (sold)

"Busier than a one-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond."

In reference to performing a certain task, on the job, that you'd wish someone else would do, but you're not going to complain to the boss, because you need the job more than you need to be standing on the unemployment line: "Beats wishing for store-bought food, store-bought clothes and a roof over my head"

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M. G. Burg
'10 - Dakota SXT - Daily Ride / ≈ 172.5K
.'76 - 450SLC - 107.024.12 / < .89.20 K
..'77 - 280E - 123.033.12 / > 128.20 K
...'67 - El Camino - 283ci / > 207.00 K
....'75 - Yamaha - 650XS / < 21.00 K
.....'87 - G20 Sportvan / > 206.00 K
......'85 - 4WINNS 160 I.O. / 140hp
.......'74 - Honda CT70 / Real 125
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“I didn’t really say everything I said.”
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ~ Yogi Berra ~

My Grandfather,who essentially raised me after my Dad's death when I was 6 was full of such brief and hilarious bits of wisdom:
"need a helpin' hand?look onto the end 'o your f'ing arm"."put your ass to work,you can j*rk off later"."c'mon and lift the goddamn thing,you'll either ***** or go blind".

When I would stumble and fall:"don't hurt that concrete,you ain't gonna find nobody but in the cemetary to make ye that now".

When I left high school in 10th grade:"F*ck those hooples,you hang about with me,I'll show ye all ye need to know".

He was proud of the fact he supervised the building of many Long Island Gold Coast estates,and while his grammar was,shall we say somewhat savouring of the lower depths he was a man of exquisite sensitivity and discerning intelligence,among his clients and friends were Sir Ashley Sparks,Ambrose Clark A.W.WillockJR.the Garvans,Morrisons,Otto Kahn and countless others.

When he was relaxed and discarded his "common"shell he would give me to read Thucydides,Marcus Aurelius,Terence,Boileau,Racine and many other Classic and Augustan authors,I hope I can do as much for my daughter.

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Its so cold, you can freeze the balls of a brass monkey.

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With best regards

Al

Thanks for the autobiographical info. That certainly explains a lot about you and your outlook on the world.

You can't learn common sense in school, and there's not enough of it around these days. I've enjoyed reading you posts and am amazed at the depth and scope of your reading.

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" We have nothing to fear but the main stream media itself . . . ."- Adapted from Franklin D Roosevelt for the 21st century

OBK #55

1998 Lincoln Continental - Sold
Max 1984 300TD 285,000 miles - Sold
The Dee8gonator 1987 560SEC 196,000 miles - Sold
Orgasmatron - 2006 CLS500 90,000 miles
2002 C320 Wagon 122,000 miles
2016 AMG GTS 12,000 miles

"That boy is about as sharp as a bowling ball." Foghorn Cleghorn

"What an ultra maroon, what a ta rah rah goon d-ay" Bugs Bunny

He looks like he's been dragged through a knothole and beat with a sootbag. (My dad used to say that one alot)

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Jason Priest
1999 E430
1995 E420 - retired
1986 420SEL - retired

I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eatin' cookies.

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It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so. Robert A. Heinlein


09 Jetta TDI
1985 300D

colder than a witches tit in a brass bra.

I'm gonna kick your Ass so hard your gonna think your wearing a fur collar.

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1959 Gravely LI, 1963 Gravely L8, 1973 Gravely C12
1982 380SL
1978 450 SEL 6.9 euro restoration at 63% and climbing
1987 300 D
2005 CDI European Delivery
2006 CDI Handed down to daughter
2007 GL CDI. Wifes

He works well under constant supervision!

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Dont forget. We invented the World.

"Fair is the first four letters in fairytale"

"If you go lookin for a trophy wife, your more likely to end up with the boobie prize"

"Not enough chlorine in their gene pool"

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John

2003 Firemist Red/grey leather SL 500
2015 Palladium Silver/black mbtex GLK 350
1987 Smoke Silver/burgundy mbtex 300E Sportline (SOLD)

Click to see 87 300E

Yo mama is so ugly, she could make a train take a dirt road.

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Palangi

2004 C240 Wagon 203.261 Baby Benz
2008 ML320 CDI Highway Cruiser
2006 Toyota Prius, Saving the Planet @ 48 mpg
2000 F-150, Destroying the Planet @ 20 mpg



TRUMP .......... WHITEHOUSE
HILLARY .........JAILHOUSE
BERNIE .......... NUTHOUSE
0BAMA .......... OUTHOUSE