Anyone in PA with child support advice? - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

vwbuge · #1 05-31-2010, 07:22 PM

Things aren't going very well between the wife and I. She has moved out and taken my son with her. I can elaborate a little later on, but basically, my wife makes about 50% more than I do. The house we shared is currently up for sale and I am still living here. I am thinking about keeping the house now for some stability for my son. I was wondering if I would have to pay her?

KarTek · #2 05-31-2010, 07:59 PM

I can't offer an answer but I can say I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well for you...

t walgamuth · #3 05-31-2010, 08:08 PM

I'm sorry too. Been there. Just try to focus on the needs of the child and it looks like you have good start on that.

As for support I imagine you will have to pay a fair share of support to her unless you get custody, then she will have to pay you.

vwbuge · #4 06-01-2010, 05:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KarTek

I can't offer an answer but I can say I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well for you...

Nobody is more sorry than I. I've held it together for this long because of my son. I have done some stupid things (not cheating) that has brought her to leave. Situations remedied but have to be proven to her. Now she is coming up with some ridiculous ideas and has absolutely no tolerance for anyone else. She is the most stubborn person I have ever met.

I am in a situation now that I am realizing that I can NEVER make her happy. I am now thinking about keeping my house and just calling it quits. The only thing I am worried about is how my son is going to react. I still love to spend everyday with him. I am in a really bad spot right now. I feel for anyone else who has ever had to go through this.

t walgamuth · #5 06-01-2010, 05:38 AM

It sounds as if it is worth trying counseling.

The advice columnists always say go with her or without her if you really want to make it work.

That is the most important thing, BOTH parties need to have a want and a commitiment to the marriage and making it work.

vwbuge · #6 06-01-2010, 06:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by t walgamuth

It sounds as if it is worth trying counseling.

The advice columnists always say go with her or without her if you really want to make it work.

That is the most important thing, BOTH parties need to have a want and a commitiment to the marriage and making it work.

We have been to counseling 2x already. She has walked out both times. The last counselor we went to I ended up going to the last 3 apts by myself. The counselor started to focus on her and she took offense and fled the situation.

layback40 · #7 06-01-2010, 06:49 AM

Hang in there! She will come around in time. Best you get some proper legal advice though, I bet she has!

LUVMBDiesels · #8 06-01-2010, 07:10 AM

I am sorry for you.
Been there (well in NY anyway)
There is a set formula for determining CS. I would find out what it is in Pa and follow it. At least that will show a judge that you are serious about your responsibilities.

As for the house, if you can afford to buy her out you should do so.

MTUpower · #9 06-01-2010, 07:40 AM

I feel for you- you are not alone.

SwampYankee · #10 06-01-2010, 09:03 AM

Sorry to hear your going through this. Obviously every state is different, but CT is brutal on the men in divorces. Custody is the key factor.

One of my employees managed to get primary custody (+ child support of $189/week because she made about twice as much as he did) only because her new husband is a registered sex offender and can't be around minors (their son) unsupervised. That's how F'd up it is in CT. It has nothing to do with how unfit his crazy ex-wife actually is, it's only because her new husband is a P.O.S. that my employee got primary custody (and the child support that came with it). The laws sure seem to very much favor the women in custody battles. Whoever gets custody will get the support money.

And if it comes down to it I hope you're able to make out alright and can keep the house for stability sake!

okyoureabeast · #11 06-01-2010, 11:25 AM

Call a lawyer NOW!

That is the best advice I can give you. I'm sorry that this has happened to you and I hope that it works out, however wishing only goes so far.

Graplr · #12 06-01-2010, 11:39 AM

I have been there as well. The ex wife and I tried counseling but she didn't want to hear a thing they had to say. She was already done and had made up her mind. Is sounds as if your wife is in the same boat.

Talk to a lawyer. They do info sessions for a small fee. Find a good family law lawyer that has a background in representing dads.

I don't know how it works in PA but in MN the spouse that makes more money (doesn't matter gender) may have to pay spousal support to the other. Since she makes more than you, you may have money coming to you monthly if you split. Of course time together matters as does other factors. But if she ends up with custody, you will most likely have to pay child support so it may be a wash.

My advice. Talk to a lawyer. Then try to work out the dissolution with OUT a lawyer. It will save you money and headache.

Of course you WANT to keep the house. Ask yourself it you can financially AFFORD the house on your own. I'm betting not since your wife makes more than you.

Sorry you are going through this. I remember the pain. It seems she is doing some brainwashing since she has you believing you can never make her happy. My ex said the same thing. Later I realized it wasn't me that couldn't make her happy. It was her that couldn't make herself happy. She was miserable but it had very little to do with me, mostly her own immaturity and her own ideas of how things were supposed to be.

Now I am married to a woman that my ex couldn't hold a candle to. It will get better. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will. I'm happier now that I ever was in my first marriage.

TMAllison · #13 06-01-2010, 11:46 AM

In CA whomever makes more will usually pay CS; adjustments are made based on % of physical custody each party has.

Google Dissomaster & PA.

Graplr · #14 06-01-2010, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TMAllison

In CA whomever makes more will usually pay CS; adjustments are made based on % of physical custody each party has.

Google Dissomaster & PA.

Spousal support and Child support are two different things. Not sure of CA laws but most places it doesn't matter who makes more for child support payments. The parent that has custody gets child support regardless of if they make more money or less money. Obvioulsy the amount of Child support will depend on the salary the non-custodial parent makes.

vwbuge- The point here is don't take the advice over the internet forums from people that may or may not know (I'm one of them that may or may not know

) the laws. Talk to a lawyer. Call one right now.

BobK · #15 06-01-2010, 12:19 PM

In Ky they have a formula based on income of each parent and it is all available on the state website. Check to see if your state does the same.