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  #1  
Old 06-14-2013, 11:03 AM
jplinville's Avatar
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Location: Dayton, Ohio region
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One hell of a week...time to heal.

As many of you may know, my ex-wife filed for custody of the children recently, after signing custody away to me about 20 months ago. She went as far as getting a second job, finding a 3 br apartment and moving out of her parent's house, and taking on a car payment, so that she had something to cart the kids around in.

Tuesday, the children went to the Magistrate for an in camera hearing...it's where the Magistrate asks the kids about how their life is, how their grades are, and where they want to live.

I found out this morning via email, that they said they didn't want a change, but they did want their mom to exercise her parenting time more often. In 20 months, she's only exercised her time during times where she has more than a weekend, such as Christmas, Spring, and Summer breaks. She has yet to visit them on her weekends. When I'm in Ohio, I give her as much time with them as possible.

The Magistrate also said that the kids said they'd be interested in an exchange point midway from their mom and us...she lives over 250 miles away.

Luckily, the Magistrate is a smart lady, and asked what vehicle we own, and what our MPG is. She also wants to know what their mother drives. I know that her's is a much more economical vehicle to drive, since she has a 2012 Chevy Aveo, which gets around 35+ mpg on the highway, versus my Tahoe with 17 mpg. My attorney said that she's ruled in the past with an equal amount of gas used, meaning that if she decides to order a halfway point for exchange, I should only have to drive around 70 miles to meet her, instead of 125 miles.

The Magistrate was told by their mother that she would drop everything if the kids said they didn't want a change. During the initial hearing for this, the Magistrate told my attorney "Certainly the father is filing for child support, right?" to which he replied in the affirmative. The case looks to be changing from a custody case, to a case where the only filing is for child support...which I'll be awarded without issue.

The kids have been hurt and angered through all of this. They told their mother they didn't want to move back after finding out that she filed for custody. She has not tried to see the kids, unless its for a week or so...even though she was awarded every other weekend with them. She hasn't come up for special events at the schools, or even my son's boxing bouts at the gym. She has shown no interest, unless it benefits her. She brags about the money she makes, and what she buys for herself, yet makes the kids wait a month or more for even a birthday card. They remember not having food in the house, yet their mom going out and buying the latest smartphone. They remember the carpet so loaded with filth that their feet stuck to the carpet, and their mom too lazy to get up and clean the house. They remember how they were treated as a chore, instead of an obligation. They remember how their mom loathed going to school events, refused to allow them to join sports, and wouldn't let them out of the house unless it was to go to their grandparents so she could go out barhopping. Thank God that the kids have a good memory.

When I filed for custody in 2011, I didn't ask for child support...I wasn't after money, and she didn't have it to give. I wanted to get the kids out of a bad situation...and she gave them up. I didn't have a judge rule in my favor, she gave up. I didn't have a fight in court, she gave up.

Here's to hoping that she is ordered to pay child support and to have them insured as long as it is offered by her employer. Here's to hoping that she sees the error in her ways, and actually tries to have a normal relationship with the kids, instead of trying to use them as pawns to hurt me. Here's to the kids for standing up for what they want, and against what they didn't want.

The kids have really blossomed since we got them. Their grades are stellar, with both of them pulling off A's and B's this year (with the exception of the advanced math course my son was in during the first semester), they both are involved highly in school activities and sports. Both have learned how to cook, clean, and are in the process of learning how to properly manage money. My job is to prepare these kids to become not only strong young adults, but to also prepare them to become productive members of society. My job is to also keep them as honest as possible, so that they are respected members of society.

My wife and I beam with pride when we see what the kids have accomplished is such a short time.

Yeah...this was one hell of a week. What was yours like?
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Meet on the level, leave on the square. Great words to live by

Were we directed from Washington when to sow and when to reap, we should soon want bread. - Thomas Jefferson: Autobiography, 1821.
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  #2  
Old 06-14-2013, 11:20 AM
daw_two's Avatar
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my week.....

JP ---- my week pales in comparison to yours and congrats on being a great father to your kids.
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  #3  
Old 06-14-2013, 11:24 AM
A Talent for Obfuscation
 
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That's a tough situation for you and for the kids. Best of luck.
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  #4  
Old 06-14-2013, 11:26 AM
Posting since Jan 2000
 
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My week was great, but not any such milestone as that.

Gosh I love my wife!
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  #5  
Old 06-14-2013, 03:59 PM
SwampYankee's Avatar
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I'm with daw_two. I've got nothing comparable to complain about after reading yours! All is good. Keep on fighting!
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  #6  
Old 06-14-2013, 04:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by P.C. View Post
That's a tough situation for you and for the kids. Best of luck.
This.


As for my week, worked 12-14 hour days every day this week, found out my uncle has stomach cancer, and that his wife is cheating on him....


My uncle had surgery on Wednesday, and they removed like 80-90% of his stomach. His wife decided that his cancer surgery wasn't that important and went to LA with the guy she has been seeing... Left their 14 year old kid as their point of contact...


Poor kid - hes matured more this week than he has/had all year!


Peachy. Just... Peachy.
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  #7  
Old 06-14-2013, 05:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iwrock View Post
This.


As for my week, worked 12-14 hour days every day this week, found out my uncle has stomach cancer, and that his wife is cheating on him....


My uncle had surgery on Wednesday, and they removed like 80-90% of his stomach. His wife decided that his cancer surgery wasn't that important and went to LA with the guy she has been seeing... Left their 14 year old kid as their point of contact...


Poor kid - hes matured more this week than he has/had all year!


Peachy. Just... Peachy.
Tough for your Uncle. Maybe tougher for your cousin.
Every time I hear stories like this I think of Bruce Springsteen's "From small things.."
From small things ( big things one day come) / Bruce Springsteen + Lyrics - YouTube
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  #8  
Old 06-15-2013, 07:00 AM
t walgamuth's Avatar
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Join Date: Apr 2005
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Having lived through a divorce with a child I can very much empathize with your experience. Putting the children first as you are is the right thing to do. My ex was difficult but looks to be a peach compared to yours!

Hang in there!
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  #9  
Old 06-15-2013, 07:42 AM
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Hang in there jp !
I hope you get a few $$ in child support!
Your custody will not be in doubt.
Magistrates are good at spotting a scam like your ex is trying on.
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  #10  
Old 06-15-2013, 08:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layback40 View Post
Hang in there jp !
I hope you get a few $$ in child support!
Your custody will not be in doubt.
Magistrates are good at spotting a scam like your ex is trying on.
I "hope" you are right. I want to believe that magistrates are good at spotting scams.
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  #11  
Old 06-15-2013, 10:08 AM
t walgamuth's Avatar
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From my conversations with the two judges I know I believe it would be hard to fool them. Of course they are human and make mistakes like the rest of us, but they have seen it all from the stand.
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..I also have a 427 Cobra replica with an aluminum chassis.
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  #12  
Old 06-15-2013, 12:59 PM
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I was a child when my parents went through the most acrimonious divorce imaginable.

Their focus was on destroying each other, and they used my brother and I as pawns in a 2 year legal battle.

And even after the divorce, their antics and bitterness toward each other never ended.

That experience, as well as others that are too personal to share, led me to go through therapy to heal........and thank God for therapy. It works.

The point of all this is to remind everyone (not that I need to) is that the ones who suffer the most in a divorce is the children.

Jpinlinville - Please continue to shield and protect your children from their mother. Their pain is a thousand times greater than the adults, and they don't have the emotional skills to manage and process it.
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  #13  
Old 06-15-2013, 01:11 PM
A Talent for Obfuscation
 
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^^^Well okay, good sentiments, but before we begin to "shield" anyone, remember that we don't have the mother's perspective on any aspect of this situation, so let's put a little faith in the court system, where hopefully someone with a bit of wisdom can hear both sides of this matter, and make the right determination.
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  #14  
Old 06-15-2013, 01:27 PM
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There appear to be only two ways to go through a divorce and it's aftermath. Civily or in a form of warfare.

Emotional loading when warfare is involved seems to have a pretty serious negative effect. I have watched divorces occur in both fashions many times over the years.

It usually is harder on the kids When these situations are really adverse in nature. Just hang in there as time does not heal all but it usually helps things get somewhat better eventually..
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  #15  
Old 06-15-2013, 02:41 PM
jplinville's Avatar
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From the email I received yesterday afternoon, she dropped the custody fight, but refuses to agree to any amount of child support, claiming that since she doesn't have the kids except for a few weeks a year, that she shouldn't have to pay. Her argument makes no sense, since I paid a metric crap ton over the 8.5-9 years she had them. She also refuses to agree to the summertime schedule which I've offered, giving her the last week of June and all of July...for my son only. My 17 year old daughter wants nothing to do with her mother due to the events that precipitated action from Children's Services and the Police Department. She also is employed here, and doesn't want to harm that. Under normal circumstances, she would get every other week through the summer. I'm offering 5 weeks with the 5th of July, which is my holiday, in exchange for this next week and all of August. August is the start of football practice at the high school, and he's going to play again this year. The practices are mandatory, and missing them could cause him to be behind like last year, and he rides the oak for the first 4 games.

Basically, we're back to where we were about 1.5 months ago...my having custody, her having limited visitation, and her refusing to utilize the visitation.

I'm not dropping the support part of the case. She has two jobs now that pay quite well, and she's bringing in about $60k a year as a nurse. I'm on a limited income, with slim chances of ever getting back to half of what it used to be.

My son still wants to spend those weeks there so he can see old friends. He's open to spending that time with my mother instead, so he can go on with his plans.





I'll not comment on P.C.'s comment out of respect for the forum...what I have to say isn't very kind.
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Meet on the level, leave on the square. Great words to live by

Were we directed from Washington when to sow and when to reap, we should soon want bread. - Thomas Jefferson: Autobiography, 1821.
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