Elderly Driver Family Drama

[TylerH860]

My sainted 85 year old Grandmother is slowing down a bit physically, and had a bad fall about a month ago but came out OK. She's a bit depressed about her physical deterioration but still exercises every day and is cognitively very good. Just walks a bit more slowly and carefully.

Of the immediate family, myself and my aunt spend the most time with her. My aunt talks to her almost daily and is over several times a week. Quite a bit more than me. I tend to speak with her and visit a few times a week.

Last week, my aunt decides she shouldn't drive anymore. She had been mentioning it for a few years, but decided to pull the trigger last week. My aunt's car has just so happens to be broken and will cost more to fix than the thing is worth. She wants to take her Cadillac. I can't help but think that it's motivated by needing a car, but haven't mentioned it. My Aunt and Uncle are very hard on cars, or at least have bad luck. They always seem to be broken, wrecked, dirty and beat up. I took a Toyota they owned on trade for my truck, and the oil was 3 quarts low and sludged from no maintenance. Nearly ruined the catalytic converter from the motor eating the sludge (was able to clean it out with additive) and who knows how much the engine life was shortened.

My Grandmother thinks she is still good to drive, and I somewhat agree with her. I called her this afternoon suggesting she go to a privately owned driving school and have herself evaluated, so it's an impartial judgement on whether she's capable. She liked the idea. I also mentioned my reservations about letting my aunt drive the car, getting beat up and all that, and Grandmother cut me off, saying my Aunt was with her right now visiting and will talk about it later. How much she heard, I don't know, but I feel like I've stepped in it.

I would have no problem with my Grandmother helping my aunt and would help out whatever way I can (they have not called me about the car problems even though I'm in the business with a full time mechanic and can fix things cheap), but I'd hate for her to unnecessarily give up her independence and diminish her quality of life. She has never had to face up to getting old and I she is certainty not her usual cheery self over all this.

I'm not sure how to approach my aunt about this, especially if she heard my entire conversation.