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#31
03-04-2009, 09:34 PM
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The Irish Prostitute
An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cussed her, "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum through?" The girl, crying, replied, "Dad, I became a prostitute." "Ye what??!! Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion, plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye, daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership in the country club and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board me new yacht in the Riviera, and...." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, says, "A prostitute, dad." "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old dad a hug!"
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95 SL500 Smoke Silver, Parchment 64K 07 E350 4matic Station Wagon White 34K 02 E320 4Matic Silver/grey 80K 05 F150 Silver 44K 
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#32
03-04-2009, 09:36 PM
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Another,
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD. WELL..... YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE. MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM I F HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL . 'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE. 'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED. HE ANSWERED , 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?' 'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED. HE LO OKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ASS, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT SON-OF-A-B XXXXX ASKED, 'WHAT DID YOU TEACH ???'
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95 SL500 Smoke Silver, Parchment 64K 07 E350 4matic Station Wagon White 34K 02 E320 4Matic Silver/grey 80K 05 F150 Silver 44K
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#33
03-04-2009, 09:58 PM
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__________________
1986 300SDL, 362K 1984 300D, 138K
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#35
03-04-2009, 11:07 PM
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In keeping with the theme of a positive thread...
Quote:
 start?Seriously though, congratulations!
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85' 300D No inspection, No registration fees, Cheap insurance  "If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're going to see some serious %$&^."
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#37
03-05-2009, 08:25 AM
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My wife has started working as a substitute teacher this year, averaging 3 days a week. I'm still driving the same boat and cars, and have the same kids. My youngest has scored two hat tricks in his soccer games. My middle son has not lost anymore teeth prematurely, and my 13 year old's friends are not super creepy. I'm still married, and haven't had a frying pan thrown at me the whole year!
I am lucky and grateful.edit: this is a positive thread you creeps..... 
Last edited by MTUpower; 03-05-2009 at 10:05 PM.
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#38
03-05-2009, 08:33 AM
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Warmer weather=classic cars!!!!! WOOT
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#40
03-05-2009, 09:12 AM
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Quote:
 I was thinking the same thing.- Peter.
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2021 Chevrolet Spark Formerly... 2000 GMC Sonoma 1981 240D 4spd stick. 347000 miles. Deceased Feb 14 2021  2002 Kia Rio. Worst crap on four wheels 1981 240D 4spd stick. 389000 miles. 1984 123 200 1979 116 280S 1972 Cadillac Sedan DeVille 1971 108 280S
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#41
03-05-2009, 09:36 AM
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Quote:
 X3
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1992 300D 2.5T 1980 Euro 300D (sadly, sold) 1998 Jetta TDI, 132K "Rudy" 1974 Triumph TR6 1999 Saab 9-5 wagon (wife's)
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#42
03-05-2009, 10:29 AM
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Quote:
I had to go back and re-read it a few times just to make sure I wasn't looseing my mind 
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1982 300GD Carmine Red (DB3535) Cabriolet Parting Out 1990 300SEL Smoke Silver (Parting out) 1991 350SDL Blackberry Metallic (481)  "The thing is Bob, its not that I'm lazy...its that I just don't care."
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#43
03-05-2009, 10:38 AM
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Quote:
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1977 300d 70k--sold 08 1985 300TD 185k+ 1984 307d 126k--sold 8/03 1985 409d 65k--sold 06 1984 300SD 315k--daughter's car 1979 300SD 122k--sold 2/11 1999 Fuso FG Expedition Camper 1993 GMC Sierra 6.5 TD 4x4 1982 Bluebird Wanderlodge CAT 3208--Sold 2/13
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#44
03-05-2009, 11:31 AM
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Today is payday. Thats positive!
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1984 300SD Orient Red/ Palomino 1989 560SEC 2016 Mazda 6 6 speed manual 1995 Ford F-150 reg cab 4.9 5speed manual
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#45
03-05-2009, 12:59 PM
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Son #1 is in the championship round for town league hoops and regional playoffs for CYO. DD scored 14 in her game and I've got visions of a UConn scholarship in my head (at 9yo
). I've got $1200 worth of snowplowing bills that just went out the door to my retiree customers who pay within days of getting them. The sun is shining. Garden seed is flying out the door at (for us) record rates even with a price increase. We're getting new orders for packet displays from our national trade magazing advertising and two new company reps. on a several-a-day rate. The kids are healthy. My youngest got accepted through the lottery to a pre-K program as a "typical" peer where they are paired with kids with disabilities (son #2 w/Ds was in that class and they do much more learning than a standard pre-K). All 4 kids will be in the same school, at least for a year. It's not too shabby in the swamp.
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 1980 300TD-China Blue/Blue MBTex-2nd Owner, 107K (Alt Blau) OBK #15 '06 Chevy Tahoe Z71 (for the wife & 4 kids, current mule) '03 Honda Odyssey (son #1's ride, reluctantly) '99 GMC Suburban (255K+ miles, semi-retired mule) 21' SeaRay Seville (summer escape pod)
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