I will not offer specific things but suggest that you consider all alternatives carefully before making final decisions. Your long term relationship with your wife and daughter are important to you and your decisions now may impact the future very much, even perhaps the rest of your life. I would want to come to agreement with the wife particularly as you want your marriage to survive your childrens transition from dependent to independent.

I am a negotiator in my business dealings so have a couple of times come up with methods to deal with our kids problems in a positive way when the mrs. was ready to write the kids off and move on.

It is worth a lot of effort to optomize your situation for you, your wife and your daughter.....and of course your grandchild.

My daughter who got pregnant lived with us in a sort of basement apartment which we had fixed up for our son when he was in college. We coached her along and at our suggestion she did not give the child his fathers last name until they were married and refused to live with him until they were married as well. The ability to be indepenent from the child's father until the mother is in a secure situation is essential to your daughter being able to become independent from you later.

Until the father of our grandson married our daughter we treated the grandson as a part of our family, which he was as a practical matter.

Some of my friends like to spout off about what they would do if such and such happened but I always say to them "you don't know what you would do until it happens to you".

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[SIGPIC] Diesel loving autocrossing grandpa Architect. 08 Dodge 3/4 ton with Cummins & six speed; I have had about 35 benzes. I have a 39 Studebaker Coupe Express pickup in which I have had installed a 617 turbo and a five speed manual.[SIGPIC]

..I also have a 427 Cobra replica with an aluminum chassis.

If you give her the house to live in you are partially paying the father's child support for him.

Pretty wise summation.

I purchased an additional specific house and rented it out just in case one of our four daughters had a serious issue in life occur. At the time I thought it might not be a good ideal to have two women (mother and daughter) in the same space as grown and independant enities.

I have always suspected that individuals of the female gender just might be more territorial that us guys even was the motavation. The house has never had to be used for the intended purpose. More good circumstance than anything perhaps..

My wife has already set up and funded educational packages for any grandchild currently existing or yet to exist. The daughters fortunatly all seem to have reaped the benifits of her gene package.

Still there were a few episodes over the years with the girls as they were growing up and making the transition from dependants but we worked them out. I was never sure we always did the right thing. Still we did in our opinion the best we could at those times.

I hope I didn't give the wrong impression in post #41...I will be doing plenty to assist her in times of need, without her knowing about it.

A few months ago, when she needed another used car, I let her think that she got a really killer deal on one from a close friend of mine, when in fact I paid for a third of it...but it was worth it. Her confidence in herself and her negotiations skills skyrocketed.

I won't allow her to let her hang herself...if the need is bad enough, and I feel she's exhausted all traditional avenues, I step in and give the needed aid. I just want her to learn that there's no free rides in life, and that self reliance is a very noble trait.

Lord knows her own mother hasn't learned it yet...

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1987 560SL
85,000 miles

Here's my little grand-tadpole as of today...Due on the 27th of July.

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1987 560SL
85,000 miles

Big melon just like his/her grand-dad.

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1980 300TD-China Blue/Blue MBTex-2nd Owner, 107K (Alt Blau) OBK #15
'06 Chevy Tahoe Z71 (for the wife & 4 kids, current mule) '03 Honda Odyssey (son #1's ride, reluctantly) '99 GMC Suburban (255K+ miles, semi-retired mule) 21' SeaRay Seville (summer escape pod)

You're the third person to tell me that...I guess when your hat size is 7-7/8 like mine, it's true. I tell my wife it's because I have so much in my head...she responds that it's just oatmeal.

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1987 560SL
85,000 miles

We kid because we care.

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1980 300TD-China Blue/Blue MBTex-2nd Owner, 107K (Alt Blau) OBK #15
'06 Chevy Tahoe Z71 (for the wife & 4 kids, current mule) '03 Honda Odyssey (son #1's ride, reluctantly) '99 GMC Suburban (255K+ miles, semi-retired mule) 21' SeaRay Seville (summer escape pod)

I'd be telling folks that is another part of his body!

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[SIGPIC] Diesel loving autocrossing grandpa Architect. 08 Dodge 3/4 ton with Cummins & six speed; I have had about 35 benzes. I have a 39 Studebaker Coupe Express pickup in which I have had installed a 617 turbo and a five speed manual.[SIGPIC]

..I also have a 427 Cobra replica with an aluminum chassis.

Part of the solemnization is that the community accepts the newlyweds as members of the community.