One hell of a week...time to heal. - Page 2 - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

jplinville · #16 06-15-2013, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suginami

Jpinlinville - Please continue to shield and protect your children from their mother. Their pain is a thousand times greater than the adults, and they don't have the emotional skills to manage and process it.

I'm doing everything I can. I've put my kids' needs in front of my wants since day one...and it shows in our relationship. I've never tried to be friends with them, only a father and a dad...and a dad protects his kids from harm.

As my dad once said..."Any male can be a father, it takes a real man to be a Dad". I took that to heart, and can see the fruits of the labor in the kids everyday.

P.C. · #17 06-15-2013, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jplinville

From the email I received yesterday afternoon, she dropped the custody fight, but refuses to agree to any amount of child support, claiming that since she doesn't have the kids except for a few weeks a year, that she shouldn't have to pay. Her argument makes no sense, since I paid a metric crap ton over the 8.5-9 years she had them. She also refuses to agree to the summertime schedule which I've offered, giving her the last week of June and all of July...for my son only. My 17 year old daughter wants nothing to do with her mother due to the events that precipitated action from Children's Services and the Police Department. She also is employed here, and doesn't want to harm that. Under normal circumstances, she would get every other week through the summer. I'm offering 5 weeks with the 5th of July, which is my holiday, in exchange for this next week and all of August. August is the start of football practice at the high school, and he's going to play again this year. The practices are mandatory, and missing them could cause him to be behind like last year, and he rides the oak for the first 4 games.

Basically, we're back to where we were about 1.5 months ago...my having custody, her having limited visitation, and her refusing to utilize the visitation.

I'm not dropping the support part of the case. She has two jobs now that pay quite well, and she's bringing in about $60k a year as a nurse. I'm on a limited income, with slim chances of ever getting back to half of what it used to be.

My son still wants to spend those weeks there so he can see old friends. He's open to spending that time with my mother instead, so he can go on with his plans.

I'll not comment on P.C.'s comment out of respect for the forum...what I have to say isn't very kind.

I thought that my comment was reasonable and well-measured. You have chosen to use this forum as a platform to air your side of an intensely personal situation, which is your call. What triggered my second comment on this thread was Paul's comment about shielding and protecting your children from their birth mother. A reasonable statement-if you base it exclusively on your representations of the circumstances at hand. Perhaps this woman is a terrible person. We only have your perspective upon which to base such an opinion, which is not sufficient enough from my perspective, as you may be a good man but hardly an objective third party. No person in your situation could be objective. This matter is in the court system, which is where it belongs. Let experienced and objective parties assist in resolving this matter.

Obviously, I have taken snarkiness to new heights on this forum, but every once in a great while, I address an issue in an earnest manner. I can understand that you may be suspicious of my motives, but they are not negative in this situation.

suginami · #18 06-15-2013, 03:13 PM

I appreciate your comments, PC, but my advice still stands. It is the kids that get hurt the most when parents get divorced, and their feelings should be of utmost importance in the minds of the parents.

P.C. · #19 06-15-2013, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suginami

I appreciate your comments, PC, but my advice still stands. It is the kids that get hurt the most when parents get divorced, and their feelings should be of utmost importance in the minds of the parents.

Agreed. I have seen situations in my own life where denial of parental access to the children was used as a weapon to hurt one parent, and the children suffered collateral damage. That is where I am coming from.

Regardless of the facts in this situation, it appears to be a messy one, and hopefully the children will not suffer further damage.

Skid Row Joe · #20 06-15-2013, 04:47 PM

Well, as mentioned above and as is the norm here, we're only getting one side of any of the sticky family/ex & former family cases written about here. There's no way to begin to fairly or justly assess with definitive perspective, without the opposite party's views - and that is just the starting point. I have a feeling as I always have in these cases that there's a lot more to them than what is being presented by just one side, if you will.

The children will suffer regardless whether their parents stay together OR are apart. No one can speak for the children besides the children themselves, or, in the case of juveniles, the court system. Sometimes there is no right and wrong - just the court's rulings.

Whether children are with or not with their parents-at-odds, the resultant effects will be carried by their children as long as they live. Nothing can change that. All children have different coping and acting out mechanisms to what they've experienced as they age through adulthood, as will be played out during their subsequent lifetimes. How the scars of a tumultuous childhood manifest themselves over time is always an unknown, as no one can experience what the child did.

panZZer · #21 06-15-2013, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by P.C.

I thought that my comment was reasonable and well-measured. You have chosen to use this forum as a platform to air your side of an intensely personal situation, which is your call. What triggered my second comment on this thread was Paul's comment about shielding and protecting your children from their birth mother. A reasonable statement-if you base it exclusively on your representations of the circumstances at hand. Perhaps this woman is a terrible person. We only have your perspective upon which to base such an opinion, which is not sufficient enough from my perspective, as you may be a good man but hardly an objective third party. No person in your situation could be objective. This matter is in the court system, which is where it belongs. Let experienced and objective parties assist in resolving this matter.

Obviously, I have taken snarkiness to new heights on this forum, but every once in a great while, I address an issue in an earnest manner. I can understand that you may be suspicious of my motives, but they are not negative in this situation.

Yes --seriously, lots and LOTS of people have an ex that is perhaps--or NOT really a bum etc,, it happens everyday with the 50% of marrages that fail --why continue using this forum for a unilateral bash fest over and over--we will never hear the other side, get over it. Seems there were also eating disorders and unwedd teen pregnancy thay we didn't need to hear of. ( any councelor that deals with food hoarding --would tell people the first reason a kid does this is because of a parent getting tough and trying to force the kid to eat correctly_ Not because the parent is blowing money on booze and cigarettes).
This forum isnt a personal facebook OR twitter page to go around starting threads over and over about onesself in third person, or going on and on about daily grivances. Someone should stop embarresing onesself here.

suginami · #22 06-15-2013, 11:58 PM

My take on this is he's not sharing his story so that we can determine who is right or wrong.

He's not expecting the forum to respond as a judge or a jury.

Jplinville is sharing his personal story in Open Discussion because we are his friends on this forum, and this is part of what open discussion is for.

I think an appropriate response from us is not skepticism, but rather to provide what friends should offer: empathy.

Skid Row Joe · #23 06-16-2013, 12:25 AM

Well, Suginami, my take as I wrote above, is that if I'm not getting at least two sides of the story, then I'm getting no story. I find it hard to be objective when (always) only hearing one side of the story or chronology. In other words, it's kind of pointless to comment with any definitive value - when you have no idea what the complete story is - nor the ryhme or reason as to why things are the way they are, or how things got to be how they are - all according to how the author claims things are.

For example; there is another often story telling poster here that only states his spin on his often disasterous familia life history here on OD regards to previous family and life past. There's absolutely no evidence to ever warrant taking his side on almost everything that particular poster writes - when put in the context of never knowing what the opposition would have to say about the matter here.

Although it sometimes makes for good reading, I often wonder why someone (anyone) would disclose some of what they write here - regards private, familia goings on, and what they are possibly expecting as reactions/advice, on only 50% or less from the story's players and chronology? Doesn't make a lot of sense to me - all things considered.

layback40 · #24 06-16-2013, 05:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suginami

My take on this is he's not sharing his story so that we can determine who is right or wrong.

He's not expecting the forum to respond as a judge or a jury.

Jplinville is sharing his personal story in Open Discussion because we are his friends on this forum, and this is part of what open discussion is for.

I think an appropriate response from us is not skepticism, but rather to provide what friends should offer: empathy.

Wise words.
Even though I am a long way from you all, my understanding/knowledge of jp is that he is a decent person & he is trying hard to present the views of his children to us. He describes situations, all be it from his perspective, & any responsible mature person should be able to infer the other sides take on it. At the end of the day, his children have chosen to live with him, that in itself is a good indicator of where the other side is. Its not that often that children are with their father & we should see that as an indictor of the situation.
I have no problems with jp using the forum as a sounding board for his parenting. He has several threads about various situations & how he has managed them. many of the younger members starting out adult life & responsibilities could learn a lot from jp's posts.
If you dont like them, dont read them.

Botnst · #25 06-16-2013, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suginami

My take on this is he's not sharing his story so that we can determine who is right or wrong.

He's not expecting the forum to respond as a judge or a jury.

Jplinville is sharing his personal story in Open Discussion because we are his friends on this forum, and this is part of what open discussion is for.

I think an appropriate response from us is not skepticism, but rather to provide what friends should offer: empathy.

Exactly.

barry12345 · #26 06-16-2013, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jplinville

From the email I received yesterday afternoon, she dropped the custody fight, but refuses to agree to any amount of child support, claiming that since she doesn't have the kids except for a few weeks a year, that she shouldn't have to pay. Her argument makes no sense, since I paid a metric crap ton over the 8.5-9 years she had them. She also refuses to agree to the summertime schedule which I've offered, giving her the last week of June and all of July...for my son only. My 17 year old daughter wants nothing to do with her mother due to the events that precipitated action from Children's Services and the Police Department. She also is employed here, and doesn't want to harm that. Under normal circumstances, she would get every other week through the summer. I'm offering 5 weeks with the 5th of July, which is my holiday, in exchange for this next week and all of August. August is the start of football practice at the high school, and he's going to play again this year. The practices are mandatory, and missing them could cause him to be behind like last year, and he rides the oak for the first 4 games.

Basically, we're back to where we were about 1.5 months ago...my having custody, her having limited visitation, and her refusing to utilize the visitation.

I'm not dropping the support part of the case. She has two jobs now that pay quite well, and she's bringing in about $60k a year as a nurse. I'm on a limited income, with slim chances of ever getting back to half of what it used to be.

My son still wants to spend those weeks there so he can see old friends. He's open to spending that time with my mother instead, so he can go on with his plans.

I'll not comment on P.C.'s comment out of respect for the forum...what I have to say isn't very kind.

There can be no valid reason on her side not to pay child support. She should consider also that the remaining years to pay are numerically lower than most supporting ex partners. It may take a court order and enforcement efforts to see it in these cases though.

Benz Dr. · #27 06-17-2013, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barry12345

There can be no valid reason on her side not to pay child support. She should consider also that the remaining years to pay are numerically lower than most supporting ex partners. It may take a court order and enforcement efforts to see it in these cases though.

Having been through all of these things myself many years ago, I also asked for advice from anyone who would listen to my story ( thing is, I don't see JP asking for any advice ). All I really wanted was for someone to agree with me and more than a little sympathy.
Her friends and family took her side and my friends and family took my side as can be expected. I had all of the usual problems with access and courts. In the end, her friends abandoned her but never came to say to me that I was right. I made my own mistakes and had to learn fom them. No one except me would ever make my life better until I washed my hands of her. I had a lot of pain over the whole thing but I got over it.

That was 25 years ago before the internet, thankfully. There's a time and place for everything and this isn't the place or the time for this sort of stuff. Although anyone can post just about anything they want to here, maybe they shouldn't.

Air&Road · #28 06-17-2013, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jplinville

From the email I received yesterday afternoon, she dropped the custody fight, but refuses to agree to any amount of child support, claiming that since she doesn't have the kids except for a few weeks a year, that she shouldn't have to pay. Her argument makes no sense, since I paid a metric crap ton over the 8.5-9 years she had them. She also refuses to agree to the summertime schedule which I've offered, giving her the last week of June and all of July...for my son only. My 17 year old daughter wants nothing to do with her mother due to the events that precipitated action from Children's Services and the Police Department. She also is employed here, and doesn't want to harm that. Under normal circumstances, she would get every other week through the summer. I'm offering 5 weeks with the 5th of July, which is my holiday, in exchange for this next week and all of August. August is the start of football practice at the high school, and he's going to play again this year. The practices are mandatory, and missing them could cause him to be behind like last year, and he rides the oak for the first 4 games.

Basically, we're back to where we were about 1.5 months ago...my having custody, her having limited visitation, and her refusing to utilize the visitation.

I'm not dropping the support part of the case. She has two jobs now that pay quite well, and she's bringing in about $60k a year as a nurse. I'm on a limited income, with slim chances of ever getting back to half of what it used to be.

My son still wants to spend those weeks there so he can see old friends. He's open to spending that time with my mother instead, so he can go on with his plans.

I'll not comment on P.C.'s comment out of respect for the forum...what I have to say isn't very kind.

You are not only a great parent, but a true gentlemen. That said, I doubt that much of anyone on this forum except for Paul himself would mind if you unloaded on him as he deserves. Making such cracks toward you regarding a situation that MUST be a serious and tough one, takes a unique insensitivity that is present in only a few. I doubt that most of his liberal soulmates on this forum would even care.

Air&Road · #29 06-17-2013, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by P.C.

I thought that my comment was reasonable and well-measured. You have chosen to use this forum as a platform to air your side of an intensely personal situation, which is your call. What triggered my second comment on this thread was Paul's comment about shielding and protecting your children from their birth mother. A reasonable statement-if you base it exclusively on your representations of the circumstances at hand. Perhaps this woman is a terrible person. We only have your perspective upon which to base such an opinion, which is not sufficient enough from my perspective, as you may be a good man but hardly an objective third party. No person in your situation could be objective. This matter is in the court system, which is where it belongs. Let experienced and objective parties assist in resolving this matter.

Obviously, I have taken snarkiness to new heights on this forum, but every once in a great while, I address an issue in an earnest manner. I can understand that you may be suspicious of my motives, but they are not negative in this situation.

Sounds to me like YOU are being the suspicious one. You are in a round about way calling JP a liar.

Air&Road · #30 06-17-2013, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suginami

My take on this is he's not sharing his story so that we can determine who is right or wrong.

He's not expecting the forum to respond as a judge or a jury.

Jplinville is sharing his personal story in Open Discussion because we are his friends on this forum, and this is part of what open discussion is for.

I think an appropriate response from us is not skepticism, but rather to provide what friends should offer: empathy.

I can not remember EVER reading a better post on this forum in the thirteen years that I've been reading and posting here!

Thanks Paul!

Hang tough JP!