joke thread

[aklim]

Originally Posted by Mistress

what's blond, brunette, blond, brunette?




a blond doing back flips.

Wouldn't that be more of a naked european blond since they don't shave?

[Mistress]

Originally Posted by aklim

Wouldn't that be more of a naked european blond since they don't shave?

beats me....

[mgburg]

McDonald's® is finally ready to introduce a Happy Meal™ that Michelle Obama will approve of...

It's not any different from the ones that exsist now, except you order it and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

[kip Foss]

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, ” Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on; it doesn’t matter to me. I just love it ! “

Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, ” No kidding…………………….. I’m in Congress too. What state are you from ?

[kip Foss]

Now there is a question you do not get too often…

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.
She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady ‘Do you have a vagina?’ She slams the door in disgust….

The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it is the same man, and he asks the same question of the woman. He asks ‘Do you have a vagina’. She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice ‘Honey I’m taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again’.

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice ‘Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it’.

She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there. He asks the same question. Do you have vagina’… ‘Yes’ she says.

The man replies, ‘Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and to start using yours!’

[The Clk Man]

Originally Posted by kip Foss

Now there is a question you do not get too often…

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.
She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady ‘Do you have a vagina?’ She slams the door in disgust….

The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it is the same man, and he asks the same question of the woman. He asks ‘Do you have a vagina’. She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice ‘Honey I’m taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again’.

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice ‘Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it’.

She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there. He asks the same question. Do you have vagina’… ‘Yes’ she says.

The man replies, ‘Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and to start using yours!’

OUCH!!!

[Aquaticedge]

man walked up to me, says I'm a teepee no a wigwam no a teepee no a wigwam no a teepee, I said, hey relax man, your too tents

[Honus]

The local country club didn't permit jews, so the rabbi lied about his name and religion. Out on the course, he missed a putt by a 1/2 inch. Out of frustration, he said, "Oy vey, whatever that means."

[layback40]

Subject: Banking crisis



If the global crisis continues at the present rate, by the end of this

Year only two banks will be left operational....the Blood Bank and the
Sperm Bank!!

And before you know it, these two will merge, and the whole place will

Be full of bl##dy w@nkers.

[kip Foss]

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service( U.K.), a guy decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in San Francisco where the beautiful nurses are more gentle and accommodating.

He lay naked on his side on the bed, and the nurse began the examination.

"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.

"I haven't got an erection" said the man.

"No, but I have" replied the nurse

[10fords]

What's 12" long and white? NOTHING!!

[aklim]

What is long, hairy and with a hole on one end?






TOOTHBRUSH

[layback40]

Originally Posted by aklim

What is long, hairy and with a hole on one end?






TOOTHBRUSH

You made a mess of that !!

Doesnt it go;

Whats 8" long,
Bristly at one end &
Has a hole in the other end ??

[mgburg]

In honor of the 44th President of the United States, Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: “Barocky Road”

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate and is surrounded by nuts and flakes.

The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient.

The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $92.84 per scoop....so out of a hundred dollar bill you are at least promised some CHANGE!

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it, the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you at no charge.

You, on the other hand, are left with an empty wallet, staring at an empty cone and wondering what just happened.

[mgburg]

Senior Health Care...

So you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you.

What's an old fogey do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed four attempts to shoot at a Congressmen.

Of course, this means you will be arrested and sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need!

Need new teeth? No problem.

Need glasses? That's great.

Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They're all covered.

And, as an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.

And who will be paying for all of this?

It's the same government that just told you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.

Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.

Is this a great country or what?