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  #1  
Old 05-04-2008, 02:16 AM
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What to do when a girl calls you out of the blue?

Well, not really out of the blue in the sense that I've known her for a long time and she suddenly calls me unexpectedly. I've only known the girl for as long as she started work here, and that's casual at best. We've never really talked at length or went out for coffee or such. I just gave her my number today and got a call the same day! Here's the nitty-gritty, down and dirty. We work at the same place but different departments. Sometimes I go to her dept and help out. Today she tells me that at the end of this month her temp contract ends so that means she will leave. She said that she would like to keep in touch and asked for my contact info. She then writes her number and e-mail address on a slip of paper and gives it to me. For some weird reason I was just expecting an exchange of e-mail addy and was thinking of just giving that out until I realized she may have meant phone number as well. Anyhow, I give my info in return. Later that night I get a call and didn't recognize the number, so I didn't bother to pick it up--didn't really want to anyway as I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone over the phone. Besides, I don't normally answer calls I don't recognize. (Only a few people have my number.) A few seconds after the phone stops ringing I get a message alert. I dial voice msg and it's her! Quite truthfully, I didn't really pay close attention to every thing said but it was something to the effect of I recently broke up with my boyfriend...I don't have too many friends...I was hoping that we could get together sometimes and hang out...please don't mention this to anyone at work. I'm somewhat floored by this msg and don't know what to make of it, and I'm not quite sure why--or maybe I do know. I don't want to sound like a fool and take her call, or msg, as a sign that she is interested in me. But if that is the case, then I really didn't see it coming!

Here's the thing. I've not called her back and don't want to yet. I really don't know what to say, to be honest. I know I will have to, but when and what do I say? I know it sounds simple enough, just call her back and say what's up, but I don't know what she's expecting, and I'm not quite sure what's expected of me. I've never really taken an interest in her, so it's not like I'm hesitating due to any lovey-dovey anxiety. It's all silly, I suppose. I mean I should know how to handle this sort of situation. I'm really too old to act like this--like a schoolboy or such (ahem *cough cough* my superior at work, for those who may know the dealio on this)--when it comes to human relationships. And I do hate to ask such trifling questions to you guys here, but many of you offer very sage advice or comments on personal or love matters. Eh, I'm just making much ado about nothing. Sorry if this post isn't as exciting as Tyler's post!

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  #2  
Old 05-04-2008, 02:25 AM
Hatterasguy's Avatar
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I'm currantly pretty drunk, and I havn't read your post just the title. But I would run right over her house and bang her so hard her boobs jiggle.

Thats exactly what you should do, shut your brian right off and just do what your balls tell you to do!
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  #3  
Old 05-04-2008, 02:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frosty View Post
Well, not really out of the blue in the sense that I've known her for a long time and she suddenly calls me unexpectedly. I've only known the girl for as long as she started work here, and that's casual at best. We've never really talked at length or went out for coffee or such. I just gave her my number today and got a call the same day! Here's the nitty-gritty, down and dirty. We work at the same place but different departments. Sometimes I go to her dept and help out. Today she tells me that at the end of this month her temp contract ends so that means she will leave. She said that she would like to keep in touch and asked for my contact info. She then writes her number and e-mail address on a slip of paper and gives it to me. For some weird reason I was just expecting an exchange of e-mail addy and was thinking of just giving that out until I realized she may have meant phone number as well. Anyhow, I give my info in return. Later that night I get a call and didn't recognize the number, so I didn't bother to pick it up--didn't really want to anyway as I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone over the phone. Besides, I don't normally answer calls I don't recognize. (Only a few people have my number.) A few seconds after the phone stops ringing I get a message alert. I dial voice msg and it's her! Quite truthfully, I didn't really pay close attention to every thing said but it was something to the effect of I recently broke up with my boyfriend...I don't have too many friends...I was hoping that we could get together sometimes and hang out...please don't mention this to anyone at work. I'm somewhat floored by this msg and don't know what to make of it, and I'm not quite sure why--or maybe I do know. I don't want to sound like a fool and take her call, or msg, as a sign that she is interested in me. But if that is the case, then I really didn't see it coming!

Here's the thing. I've not called her back and don't want to yet. I really don't know what to say, to be honest. I know I will have to, but when and what do I say? I know it sounds simple enough, just call her back and say what's up, but I don't know what she's expecting, and I'm not quite sure what's expected of me. I've never really taken an interest in her, so it's not like I'm hesitating due to any lovey-dovey anxiety. It's all silly, I suppose. I mean I should know how to handle this sort of situation. I'm really too old to act like this--like a schoolboy or such (ahem *cough cough* my superior at work, for those who may know the dealio on this)--when it comes to human relationships. And I do hate to ask such trifling questions to you guys here, but many of you offer very sage advice or comments on personal or love matters. Eh, I'm just making much ado about nothing. Sorry if this post isn't as exciting as Tyler's post!
It's not as exciting, but you could make it exciting. How's anyone going to tell you what to say, if you don't know it yourself.
It's not so much about knowing what to say, better you know what to do.

If you like to talk to her, call her back and hang out with her. If you don't like her, than don't. It's usually that simple.
If she starts crying your ears full about her recent breakup, get the hell away from it! Unless you want to play shrink.

Just check it out, apparently she already took the first step, so she will take the next one too, but only if you respond.
By the time you get that far, I'm sure you'll know what to say ...huh
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  #4  
Old 05-04-2008, 04:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hatterasguy View Post
I'm currantly pretty drunk, and I havn't read your post just the title. But I would run right over her house and bang her so hard her boobs jiggle.

Thats exactly what you should do, shut your brian right off and just do what your balls tell you to do!
LOL. Great post.


Frosty, you currently in a relationship? If not, what the hell, go for it. What have you got to lose?
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  #5  
Old 05-04-2008, 06:12 AM
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Since she has sent a clear signal that she is attracted to you, your response should turn on whether YOU are attracted to HER.

You have stated nothing about whether you like her, would like to know her better, or date her, or whether she is attractive or hot looking. Those things should tell you how to respond.

It comes down to that because this was NOT some request to keep open some channel for some post-employment job networking. Not at all.

AFTER she has left the organization, you should feel free to ask her out.

However, I from my POV I DO see a slight red flag here. Mention of the recent boyfriend breakup could mean she is on the rebound and not thinking too clearly, or worse, she could be needy, clinging and desparate.

You could go and hit it, if she is really good looking and hot, but it sounds like you could get be getting mixed up with some drama queen with more baggage than the airport, afterwards, if you do.

It is your call, as the signal has been CLEARLY sent to you, and the next move must be yours.


*******************


^^^^^^On second thought, never mind all of that.

Having passed up a similar chance like this (perhaps very wisely!) with your older boss, that you told us about, fate has now offered you kindly another, second, chance: And they don't come to people that often, either. So this time,

.
Just go and bang it like a screen door in a hurricane.
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Last edited by Jim B.; 05-04-2008 at 06:21 AM.
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  #6  
Old 05-04-2008, 07:50 AM
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I would have typed three words of that post, stopped and called her back.
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  #7  
Old 05-04-2008, 08:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaRondo View Post
It's not as exciting, but you could make it exciting. How's anyone going to tell you what to say, if you don't know it yourself.
It's not so much about knowing what to say, better you know what to do.

If you like to talk to her, call her back and hang out with her. If you don't like her, than don't. It's usually that simple.If she starts crying your ears full about her recent breakup, get the hell away from it! Unless you want to play shrink.

Just check it out, apparently she already took the first step, so she will take the next one too, but only if you respond.
By the time you get that far, I'm sure you'll know what to say ...huh
Yep, that sounds about right to me. Call or see her at work tomorrow. See if she's free for a drink after work during the week. Talk & learn. After work drinks during the week are easy, cause they are easy evenings to end if you have to and there's no pressure for a weekend score.
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  #8  
Old 05-04-2008, 08:42 AM
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Before we go further, we need to know several things:

1. What does she look like? Post a pic of her.
2. Are you a gay male? If so stop here. If not move on to #3.
3. Wine her, dine her and sixty nine her.
4. Bang her so hard and often she is going to have to call in sick because she can't walk
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  #9  
Old 05-04-2008, 08:51 AM
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Are you saying she called you this, and yet your name is NOT "Out Of The Blue?" Hmmm . . .
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  #10  
Old 05-04-2008, 08:56 AM
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pray she isn't pregnant.
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  #11  
Old 05-04-2008, 09:11 AM
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You're taking this way to seriously, if you hesitate and she's history...nothing damages a women's ego more than a no return if they make a move. She may have been a bit tipsy like hattie and was lookin for love after you didn't answer she called the next number in her little black book, since she just broke up with her BF you missed out on some revenge sex which is the best stuff bar-none.
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  #12  
Old 05-04-2008, 09:17 AM
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Call her, do something together, see if anything is there. Simple as that.
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  #13  
Old 05-04-2008, 09:38 AM
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Dither-on!
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  #14  
Old 05-04-2008, 09:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress View Post
pray she isn't pregnant.
Or a lesbian looking to be.



The boyfriend thing may just be a line. Call her, but make her do the work. You'll get a better idea of whether she's hot for you, or just needs friends.
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  #15  
Old 05-04-2008, 10:40 AM
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Having played “therapist” to countless Needy women who “Recently Broke Up With their Boyfriends,” here is my two cents:

Quote:
Originally Posted by frosty View Post
Quite truthfully, I didn't really pay close attention to every thing said but it was something to the effect of I recently broke up with my boyfriend...
RED FLAG. She is missing her boyfriend and you can fill the void … until they get back together.

Quote:
Originally Posted by frosty View Post
I'm somewhat floored by this msg and don't know what to make of it, and I'm not quite sure why--or maybe I do know.
Most men are floored when women flip the script and become aggressive pursuers. Don’t be floored or flattered; be cautious. This came out of nowhere, and she has an agenda, with you as her unwitting “tool.”

Quote:
Originally Posted by frosty View Post
Here's the thing. I've not called her back and don't want to yet.
Excellent. Keep playing it cool, and call when/if you are comfortable doing so. She essentially has forced your hand, and you need to maintain control (over your reaction).

Quote:
Originally Posted by frosty View Post
I've never really taken an interest in her…
And please don’t conjure up interest where none previously existed, or else this is what will happen:

You will become emotionally evolved, begin perceiving and treating her like a serious girlfriend, and then one day she will announce that she and her boyfriend are getting back together, leaving your injured and feeling used. Note: If they recently broke up, they are likely still together, since “recently” is womanese for “yesterday.”

She was attracted to you because you were going about your life, oblivious to her. If you suddenly turn into an eager little puppy, delighted with the attention she has tossed at you, her attraction will decline rapidly. Once you become attainable, she will no longer want you.

Maintain your stature and allow the euphoria and surprise to boil off, before following up (or not) with her. A short acknowledgement of her call – “hi, got your message, let’s talk soon” -- is an OK courtesy, but try to do it when you know the call will roll to voice mail so you don’t get dragged into a conversation/potential therapy session (focused on her silly boyfriend).

It is too soon after her breakup for her to be a serious romantic contender. It is possible, but not probable, that she wants you as a friend. But it is far more likely that she wants you to listen to an endless rehash of her relationship. After giving her insights into various issues, from a a male perspective, she will use what she has learned to repair things with her “ex,” leaving you wondering what the f**k just happened.

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