CLASSIC match.com bio! Her single status is not in doubt) - Page 11 - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

1991300SEL · #**151** 10-15-2012, 01:57 PM

Numerous contradictions in her rant.

Spdrun's 1st post in this thread sums up this scatter-brained tuna boat.

aklim · #**152** 10-15-2012, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benzasaurus

So first, please stop using this "you" "me" language. It's making me uncomfortable, especially since you are talking about how you, my imagined husband in this scenario, would be beating the living crap out of me, your imagined wife. I really don't want to be imagining my future as your battered wife (or anyone's, for that matter).

Shelters provide assistance to people who want to leave abusive situations but are afraid of further violence or need financial assistance while starting to stand on their own. So while financial dependence could be one of many reasons why a victim remains in an abusive situation, it could also not be a reason/a problem for lots of victims at all. It is not pivotal, which is what you seem to be arguing.

If you deny the mechanics of psychology, then there are only a few reasons left that you would accept as reasons victims stay within abusive relationships: cultural, family, religious or overpowering fear of violence. However these should be enough to show why blaming the victim for staying is wrong—the road out of domestic abuse is extremely difficult, and often impossible for victims. Victims do not feel they have a choice.

And you are participating in victim blaming since you blame the victim for staying. Blaming the victim = victim blaming. Here are some media forms of victim blaming and here is a page on how it works on a personal level.

I'm also surprised that in all your examples you imagine that abuse happens in relationships where one partner is not financially independent. It happens to people in every type of situation and financial relationship. It is society-wide.

Finally, I have no idea why you're saying this stuff about companies and nice words. It seems to have no connection at all to what I said in my last post. Sorry bro.

Fair enough. I'll try to remember that.

I guess I would ask you how you think I can afford to leave my wife who is battering me daily if I have no money and no prospects for a job. Sure, I could check in to a shelter like you suggested. But what then? Can I stay there for the rest of my natural life? It might work if I was getting a quick crash course on being a CNA which is less than 6 month course so I could get a job. OTOH, if I was unwilling to do something like that, I doubt I could stay at that shelter for the rest of my life, can I?

Until I decide I am going to make a move to better myself, I doubt anyone can help me. I have to want to do it and be able to do it. Till then, it is academic.

All right. Tell me this. I refuse to leave my wife or my job or whatever it is to find a better life and rather put up with the abuse for whatever reason. Who is to blame? Sure, the perpetrator of the abuse is to blame for the abuse but who do you hold responsible for me wanting to stay? I say I am responsible for my shortcomings. Not you, not the hooker on 5th and Main and not the cruel world. If I say "Well, I rather put up with the backhand or punch as opposed to going out and making a new life for myself because I think it is easier this way.", who is responsible for that? Besides me, that is.

IMO, there are going to be 2 main components of any action. The means and the will. Without the means, all the will in the world cannot achieve it short of a stroke of luck. With the means, we now have to contend if the person has the will or not. Without the means, I am not sure how someone can achieve anything short of a stroke of luck and I am not a big believer in luck. I believe we have to make our own luck by doing something about it. If one has the means and the will, one can succeed sooner or later. Without means, I personally see no way of success short of dumb luck. Can you?

I view it all as the same. I feel we are objectified everywhere we go. IOW, the PRINCIPLE is the same. At work, I am little more than a cash cow for the boss to milk if I am an employee. As an employer, the worker is little more than a vehicle for my financial success. Objectification isn't just sexual to me. It permeates every part of our society.

aklim · #**153** 10-15-2012, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim B.

In this country abuse against men is not really even admitted to exist generally

and certainly there are no such things as battered men's shelters.

I guess maybe that was the death knell after 10 years of marriage, the last time I ever slept with my eyes closed, in that place. I got out of my house and everything in it, in SF soon after that and never came back.

Sorry, I can't help the "Macho Code" getting in the way. Unfortunately a lot of that has been ingrained into men. I like my old Pit Bull's attitude. He doesn't start a fight but if you start one, he'd finish it or die trying.

Really? There are no such things? A casual google search seems to find a few.

It was the final bell but that bell has been ringing louder and louder previously. You just didn't hear it. She didn't wake up one day and said "I'm bored. Lets screw with Jim and see what happens.". Today, she started with something small and insignificant. Tomorrow, she ups it a little more and a little more the next day. In any relationship, be it dating, marriage or business, you ALWAYS have to be taking stock of where we are at this moment and analyze the trajectory. Things change over time. Starry eyed lovers today DOES NOT MEAN the same in 30 years. ABC. Always Be Checking. My wife of 20+ years can tell you, at the busy Chicago airport which girls would catch my lecherous eye and which won't. You were identified as the rug that said "Walk all over me". People, being people will gladly do that. I don't care if it is a personal relationship or a work relationship. If you show yourself as a rug, you will be treated as such.

aklim · #**154** 10-15-2012, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benzasaurus

And I totally agree that the lack of men's shelters in this country is totally shameful.

I think the issue is that we can set one up but whether it will be used to potential is a different story. Men, being men, will be too ashamed to get help from being battered by a tiny little girl. I had a girl who thought I wouldn't hit her back a long time ago and she was wrong. It cost her a tooth to learn that lesson and me a sprained ankle to teach it.

aklim · #**155** 10-15-2012, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spdrun

Even relationships WITHIN businesses (which are generally hierarchical organisations) are acceptable in my book, so long as both parties enter into them with eyes open, and have enough in the bank not to be hurt if one has to leave the company. Goes for lateral relationships as well as boss-employee ones. Consenting adults and all that. Both parties are well-advised to keep their mouths shut and gossip out of the office, of course.

In a perfect world, absolutely. Do you live in such a world? I don't. In a perfect world, my manger could date one of his/her subordinates and if it doesn't work out, oh well. One or the other leaves and they are matured enough to play nice without involving me in any way, shape or form. We live in a litigious society. It is what it is.

aklim · #**156** 10-15-2012, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim B.

Part II was divorce court. 5 more years, $200k in attorney fees and a harsh lesson in protracted litigation (NOW LEARNT!) PLUS lost 100% of everything (BOTH PRE/POST MARITAL) except clothes & the 1991 Mercedes keys.

"Marriage" again? Nein, danke...

Reminds me of one of the issues with Tiger Woods' prenup that was mentioned. Because he claimed FL and CA as residence, Elin decided to file in CA because it was more liberal and stood a higher chance of getting voided or something to that effect, IIRC. I didn't need it because the wife and I started with ZERO so I felt that half was her's anyways. Still, I did check out what could happen especially with co-mingled money, etc, etc. Had the balance been in her favor where I was wealthy and she wasn't, you can bet your last dollar that I would investigate it thoroughly BEFORE the words "I do" would even be thought of in my head. Move to a different state? See above.

If you are not going to check it out properly and weigh the pro and con of the action, perhaps that is a safer route..

spdrun · #**157** 10-15-2012, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

In a perfect world, absolutely. Do you live in such a world? I don't. In a perfect world, my manger could date one of his/her subordinates and if it doesn't work out, oh well. One or the other leaves and they are matured enough to play nice without involving me in any way, shape or form. We live in a litigious society. It is what it is.

Perfect world or not, I'd not refuse an invitation from one of my clients or their employees if we were both interested. Five years ago, I thought that I could separate professional and personal life. That was my mistake.

If it ends up in a lawsuit (unlikely), so be it. I know enough angry lawyers and have enough in the bank not to worry about things like that, and my conscience is clear. What I've learned in the past few years is to always do what I want assuming it's reasonably safe, and worry about the 0.01% chance of consequences later.

Come to think of it, I used to be terrified of flying. Coming back from CA last week, I found that I actually enjoyed the takeoff out of Santa Ana. Stand on the brakes, rev the motors to 100%, accelerate hard, climb like an angel on crystal meth - fun ride! In short, I no longer give a f**k about most anything.

aklim · #**158** 10-15-2012, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spdrun

Perfect world or not, I'd not refuse an invitation from one of my clients or their employees if we were both interested. Five years ago, I thought that I could separate professional and personal life. That was my mistake.

If it ends up in a lawsuit (unlikely), so be it. I know enough angry lawyers and have enough in the bank not to worry about things like that, and my conscience is clear. What I've learned in the past few years is to always do what I want assuming it's reasonably safe, and worry about the 0.01% chance of consequences later.

Come to think of it, I used to be terrified of flying. Coming back from CA last week, I found that I actually enjoyed the takeoff out of Santa Ana. Stand on the brakes, rev the motors to 100%, accelerate hard, climb like an angel on crystal meth - fun ride! In short, I no longer give a f**k about most anything.

In a client situation, they are not really your supervisor unless you want to stretch things. I'd be leery of dating a client or a client's so and so simply from the standpoint that it could be disastrous if we broke up. Simply put, I might lose the client, the client could use that as leverage to get a better deal, etc, etc. Sure, I may know how to keep it professional but would they?

Whether I can fix it or not has little bearing on whether I want to fix it or not. Just because I can hire a lawyer to fix it and I can afford to do so does NOT mean I would want to fix it. I am NOT willing to fix a mess, even if I can that involves my manager and his/her subordinate. If I insist that my subordinates keep their professional and private life separate, what does it say if I cannot abide by the same code?

Take your own life in your hands for all I care. Just don't do stuff in my chain of command unless you can provide enough assurance to me that you can clean up your own mess. How many people under you do you know that are able to clean up their own mess without involving you in any way shape or form? Does the phrase "Resepondeat Superior" mean anything to you?

spdrun · #**159** 10-15-2012, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

In a client situation, they are not really your supervisor unless you want to stretch things. I'd be leery of dating a client or a client's so and so simply from the standpoint that it could be disastrous if we broke up. Simply put, I might lose the client, the client could use that as leverage to get a better deal, etc, etc. Sure, I may know how to keep it professional but would they?

Who cares? Clients come cheap considering that there are some 12MM people living within 30 miles of me. If they're out for a better deal, they probably won't get one but they're always welcome to ask.

I agree that professional and private lives should be kept separate. But only inasmuch as certain things don't happen during office hours. If I want to have a drink with my client, my co-worker, their pet dog, or Jenna Bush outside of working hours and in a private venue, that's my business alone. I'd of course insist that it not be discussed at work, and that things will be quickly over if it is.

daw_two · #**160** 10-15-2012, 04:58 PM

Hey Jim.

Maybe we can enlist the help of these guys:
U.S. economists win Nobel for applying match-making - Yahoo! Finance

Jim B. · #**161** 10-15-2012, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daw_two

Hey Jim.

Maybe we can enlist the help of these guys:
U.S. economists win Nobel for applying match-making - Yahoo! Finance

Nah.

Science NEVER will trump the oh-so-elusive feeling of muual chemistry between females and males that needs to be there.

Mature women even have a word for it:

We have to feel the "butterflies" is what they say.

^^^^ (N/A to gold diggers though)....

".......do not fear,
pass that booooooootle, over here...."

~~Bob Dylan

aklim · #**162** 10-15-2012, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spdrun

Who cares? Clients come cheap considering that there are some 12MM people living within 30 miles of me. If they're out for a better deal, they probably won't get one but they're always welcome to ask.

I agree that professional and private lives should be kept separate. But only inasmuch as certain things don't happen during office hours. If I want to have a drink with my client, my co-worker, their pet dog, or Jenna Bush outside of working hours and in a private venue, that's my business alone. I'd of course insist that it not be discussed at work, and that things will be quickly over if it is.

If it is my company and my money, I care. If my supervisor can ream me out for any ill happenings, I care. If it can never have any ill effect on me then I don't care.

As I have said before, if I don't find out because it is pushed onto my table and I have to work on it to make it right, fair enough. If I find out the hard way, you're right. Things will be quickly over.

engatwork · #**163** 10-15-2012, 05:44 PM

Quote:

12MM people living within 30 miles of me

Reading through this thread makes me thankful for the lovely Mrs engatwork

. She is everything a man could want in a woman and on top of that she is a nurse that is very successful in her career. Oh yea spdrun she is 3 years older than me. She is one of the handful of women that have been in my life that I could stand to be around for more than about a day or two at a time.

daw_two · #**164** 10-15-2012, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim B.

Nah.

Science NEVER will trump the oh-so-elusive feeling of muual chemistry between females and males that needs to be there.

Mature women even have a word for it:
We have to feel the "butterflies" is what they say.

".......do not fear,
pass that booooooootle, over here...."
~~Bob Dylan

I like seeing "butterflies" in a woman.
Butterflies are free. Right?

Maybe, we ought to pass the bootle. What's your choice?

cmbdiesel · #**165** 10-15-2012, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by engatwork

Reading through this thread makes me thankful for the lovely Mrs engatwork

. She is everything a man could want in a woman and on top of that she is a nurse that is very successful in her career. Oh yea spdrun she is 3 years older than me. She is one of the handful of women that have been in my life that I could stand to be around for more than about a day or two at a time.

You and me both brother!!