__________________
Chris
2007 E550 4Matic - 61,000 Km - Iridium Silver, black leather, Sport package, Premium 2 package
2007 GL450 4Matic - 62,000 Km - Obsidian Black Metallic, black leather, all options
1998 E430 - sold
1989 300E - 333,000 Km - sold
1977 280E - sold
1971 250 - retired

"And a frign hat. They gave me a hat at the annual benefits meeting. I said. how does this benefit me. I dont have anything from the company.. So they gave me a hat." - TheDon

People make worse jokes and don't have to apologize.

__________________
You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows - Robert A. Zimmerman

yeah well it only takes one to get Zeus' dander up....he is the god of the "Thunderbolt Toss" ya know...

__________________
"It's normal for these things to empty your wallet and break your heart in the process."
2012 SLK 350
1987 420 SEL

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.


MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.


WIFE VS HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !


WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ......... "HEBREWS"


The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Noah probably told that one to his kids aboard the Ark.

Here's a more recent version:
"Why did the punk rocker cross the road?"

"He was stapled to the chicken."

__________________
* *
-- Paul W. (The Benzadmiral)
('03 Buick Park Avenue, charcoal/cream)
Formerly:
'97 C230, smoke silver/parchment; '86 420SEL, anthracite/light grey; '84 280CE (W123), dark blue/palomino

You have to watch when Zeus starts flipping out those happy faces in his messages. Oh, he's happy for sure, but that's because he just came back from the parking lot where he unscrewed all the lug nuts off of your Plymouth.

__________________
Chris
2007 E550 4Matic - 61,000 Km - Iridium Silver, black leather, Sport package, Premium 2 package
2007 GL450 4Matic - 62,000 Km - Obsidian Black Metallic, black leather, all options
1998 E430 - sold
1989 300E - 333,000 Km - sold
1977 280E - sold
1971 250 - retired

"And a frign hat. They gave me a hat at the annual benefits meeting. I said. how does this benefit me. I dont have anything from the company.. So they gave me a hat." - TheDon

No, it was Moses while he was wandering around in circles...i still get dizzy at Sedar.

__________________
"It's normal for these things to empty your wallet and break your heart in the process."
2012 SLK 350
1987 420 SEL

Ugh. I better just call the towing service now.

See Ron, I think it has something to do with the hot, humid weather down here. Or because we are closer to the Sun or something. We get a little testy.

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No matter how many times you explain it to me, I'm still right.....Surf-n-Turf

The Husband comes home to find his wife packing.

Husband: Where you going?

Wife: Nevada

Husband: Why? Whats there?

Wife: I can get $400 bucks for what i do free around here.

Husband starts packing and says " i want to see how you can make it on $800 a month."

__________________
1959 Gravely LI, 1963 Gravely L8, 1973 Gravely C12
1982 380SL
1978 450 SEL 6.9 euro restoration at 63% and climbing
1987 300 D
2005 CDI European Delivery
2006 CDI Handed down to daughter
2007 GL CDI. Wifes

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organising the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known, and even did a few things she had never done with any other man.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?" The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says... "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!"

It was entertainment day at the Senior Center.

People came from miles around to see The Amazing Claude, the famed hypnotist, do his stuff.

Claude went to the front of the meeting room and announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the
audience.

" The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat pocket.

"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting.

"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "****", said the hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.

So three guys are standing in front of St.Peter at the pearly gates. St.Pete says "We've met our quota for the day, so we're only letting one of you in." Which ever one of you has the best explanation as to how you got here, comes in, and the other two will be sent to Hell"

The first guy in work clothes says to St. Pete, "I had suspicions my wife was cheating on me so I went home early to try to catch her in the act. When I was walking up the steps to our third floor apartment I could hear laughing coming from my apartment before getting to it. So, I barged in and heard a noise out on the balcony. I looked off of the balcony and saw a guy hanging by his hands wearing nothing but a towel around his waste, so I stomped his hands and fell. He was still alive lying there on the ground, so I pushed the fridge off to crush him. As the Fridge went off, the chord caught my leg, and took me down with it..


Second guy is in a towel around his waste. He explains to St.Peter
"I went out on my balcony to retrieve my cat after taking a shower, and slipped and fell off. I got lucky on the way down, and was able to grab the porch of the apartment below mine. I was hanging by my hands and some guy comes running out all pissed off and stomps my hands, and I fell to the ground, and landed on my back on the grass. Next thing I see is a fridge coming down and then I'm here talking to you.."


Third guy, completely naked...
" So, I was "doing" some guy's wife and we heard him coming up the steps to the apartment. I didn't know where to hide, so I ran and hid in the fridge..."

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[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

Question How did the Scot/Brit/Welsh (insert nationality) farmer find his sheep in the knee-high grass?
Answer Quite nice...

__________________
1985 300D / 175k

WISH LIST
29' HackerCraft - Gentleman's Racer...
http://www.hackerboat.com/html/29__gentleman_s_5.html