Some things and people are worth more than a job. It's typically American to put some f**king job and money that can be had somewhere else ahead of people and human relationships. Work to live, but do NOT let the job BE your life, restrict your personal life, nor become your personal identity.

This may or may not apply in this case, but consider if the "crush" is mutual -- being unable to act on it doesn't make for a pleasant situation for either party. And an unpleasant situation increases the chances of parting on bad terms down the line. Some things are best discussed straight out -- ignoring them is the coward's way out, hurts people, and increases the chances of a bad outcome.

But you, a person who's basically said that women older than 30 are worthless, wouldn't be expected to understand. Learn empathy. And lastly, why be a pessimist and assume that the next job will be worse than the last one? There's an approximately equal chance of it being better. A change in job is just a change in job. Neither destructive nor constructive -- it's just a choice to market your skills to one party rather than another.

The 1950s, where the average American was expected to work for the same company from college to retirement are long gone, and good riddance.

Gandhi and crew felt they had put up with the salt tax laws long enough. If they were to meekly complied for decades upon decades, why would it change?

I'm not impressed with the idiots who break windows at Starbucks or the GAP but I believe civil disobedience has its place.

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Why don't you go somewhere else that is willing to accept you and tell us if they are they same way? Asia, and I was brought up there also has smart people that will consider what they are doing before they do it. They even interfere in their kids lives as to "You are a pediatrician. You can't be marrying that simple architect, etc, etc". Yes, I know it comes as a surprise so sit down and reread. Hate to burst you bubble but even in other places, they do take certain things into account. But do feel free to tell me about your glance at the rest of the world again. Yeah, job and money can be so easily replaced like underwear. Sure.

Wow. How selfless of you. Saving yourself and the other person from a fate worse than death.

I said that? Really? That's twice you seem to have misquoted me but feel free to try for a 3rd time.

I have plenty of empathy. For those in my circle, I do.

Why? Simply because it is less disappointing. Leaving a good stable job for something concrete is a great idea. Leaving a good stable job you like for something as stupid as a crush is stupid. No two jobs are exactly the same. Even if they are factory assembly jobs. The crew is different, the superiors are different, the environment is different.

Depends. If you are on the hiring end, it isn't as good. If you are on the working end, it could be good, assuming you don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. However, as said, to risk a jump that might take you into the fire, it has to be for something worthwhile and not some stupid crush. Just as me divorcing my wife because there is a girl I had a crush on is stupid. OTOH, if my wife is a whoring, boozing bithc, sure.

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If you don't see the difference between leaving your family for another woman, and changing jobs because of an awkward personal situation, you're stupider than I assumed you were. Let me break it down for you:

Your scenario: you're making money, but are unhappy being around someone whom you're interested in, but you can't act on it (actually, you can if you both are discreet, but let's assume you can't).
My scenario: you're still making money at another job, and have an increased chance in getting what you want in your personal life.

PS - it seems really bizarre to equate a job with marriage, but perhaps you're married to your work. In which case, you shouldn't be with any woman Why should job and career always come first, before personal considerations?
PPS - none of this prohibits Mr. Frosty from asking the lady to have lunch or drinks with him. It happens all the time, and won't even be worthy of comment since a guy isn't typically interested in a lady who's 15 years older.

It won't change instantly, if that is what you mean. It will take longer and acts like that will speed it up. HOWEVER, the price you pay is that it becomes hard to draw a line as to how far is too far.

It is going to be hard to draw the fine line between civil disobedience and breaking windows. At some point someone is going to cross the line and a new line and the newer line.

Couldn't the window breakers also say that if Rosa had complied, who knows how long before they get equality and therefore, if they simply not set fires or damage property, when will they get their turn? What about the people who then justify killing abortion doctors because they can't get satisfaction in court and this can propel a new age where abortion is illegal?

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Thankfully, you don't have the money to own me nor do I have any interest in you fellating me so your opinion of me is irrelevant. When you are in the position of either, I'll start to care. I can't help it if you cannot see the parallel, principle, etc, etc.

My scenario is that it is stupid to change jobs and risk what you have over some meaningless crush. I can see changing my job for my wife who needs to be in City X. I can't see jumping from a stable situation to an unstable one for the possibility of a "might be". Been there in my youth and not stupid enough to do that even then. Great for a romance movie but might not be so good in real life.

And you are who again? The world famous marriage counselor with a long stable marriage that everyone admires?

I have dated and almost married a girl 10 yrs older than me over my family objections, married another who is older than me whom I have been dating since 86. I wouldn't take that kind of risk for some girl younger than me or older than me. Stakes are too high for a simple crush. Sounds good to kids or romance movie buffs though.

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That's why I said to investigate the situation further and attempt to get to know her better before changing jobs.

Or let me rephrase it: would you be more OK with someone quitting their job if they were in *love* with the person for whom they were working? Let's say that you happened to meet the woman you're currently married to, at work, and she was originally your boss. Are you telling me you wouldn't have tried because of some silly little professional consideration?

Some things are more important than a job -- are you telling me she wasn't?

If she WAS my boss, life is good. If she is my boss, it makes things more sticky. Investigate the thing is fine. Question is how? How long are you two going to go out before you discover whether you are in love or just puppy love or plain old lust? I flunked my clairvoyance class so I have to do it the old way. Date for a while. Therein lies the issue. If we could go on two business lunches and find out if there is even something worth pursuing and risking our careers over, fine. We put the cards on the table and there is no going back. Till then, you can't even know if she feels the same way or not for sure. Even if she goes along with it, you can't know if it will work out or not.

So, for all that risk for that possibility that she is willing to date to explore whether there is a relationship and not even if there is a chance of love or the possibility of a long lasting love, it is a little too rich for my blood. Not worth that kind of risk.

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You're assuming that all conversations within a given office are 100% professional -- a lot of small talk or even deeper conversations tend to happen once you've worked with someone for a while, and you can get to know a co-worker quite well from this. We're talking about someone with whom you spend 40+ hrs a week. Body language is also a damn good clue.

There are also things in between a business lunch and a full-on date. Happy hour after work in a bar that's not right by the office works quite well. As well as other means of meeting up with people -- I've also taken a female client (who was interested in me) autocrossing over the weekend. No pressure, just "I'm running a car down in Englishtown this weekend ... ... feel free to show up." She did. And drove as well.

If you share similar interests, it's very easy to arrange things like that. Figure out what bands she likes. Acquire an "extra" concert ticket one day at work. If your interests are totally different, well, it probably won't work out anyway.

So ... I take it you still wouldn't have tried for your wife? Think creatively. It may do you a bit of good.

If you mean that if she were my subordinate, would I have tried to date her, no. As I already told you, I flunked clairvoyance so I wouldn't have known then what I know now. Not knowing that, I wouldn't take a chance. Most relationships end rather that flourish. If it ends, it can create a bad situation or at least, some discomfort in the work place. All that for a wild stab at "maybe"? Thanx but no thanx. Unlike you, I can find another date easier than a job and a workplace I am happy at. I don't work at McDonnalds or Wal*Mart making minimum wage so my professional reputation is important to me. Without knowing what I know now, I would be hesitant to take wild stabs and I do mean stabs since there are many women I would be attracted to and there is NO way to know "this is the one".

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No, if she were your boss. And there are a lot of ways to casually spend time with someone, getting to know them better without "dating" them, as outlined above.

As for myself, I'm trained as an engineer, but work freelance doing technology consulting and troubleshooting (not very clear, but my work really does run the gamut, some quite mundane, some very interesting like upgrading control systems in a custom metalworking plant in PA).

I'm her boss or she is my boss, it still wouldn't be worth switching jobs over a crush. It will have to be way more than that or I'd be switching jobs every few months. It would be stupid to simply act on each impulse. Only way to find out of she is the one is to seriously date her. You can be casual for so long only before it comes out. Even then, you can't know until you do take the plunge and be willing to put your job and professional reputation on the line. Is it worth it? In a romance novel or if you are that hard up for something. I'm not in a romance novel and I value my reputation too much to risk it on frivolity.

As I recall, you also felt it was "unacceptable" to tell that Powers girl to wait on her lover. How that work out in the end with their true love? Was it worth the ordeal? If it had worked out, maybe. But what were the odds? You wanna go tell her "You go, Girl"?

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Disagreed. If you spend 40 hrs per week with somebody, see how they react to different situations, have quite a bit of opportunity for conversation, and are able to meet up casually as well; you can get a very good idea of what manner of person they are.

My wife and I spend very little time with our bosses. We don't need to have our hands held. As such, it is very difficult to get any knowledge whether to date this person or not. If you are spending 40 hrs a week with your boss, you have issues. You can get a general idea of who that person is TO A POINT. Whether that is going to be a partner or not is going to take much more than that. Something I would not really recommend since it does open up a can of worms that you might not be able to reseal. I know, I know. Move on to another job. You can, I suppose but is it worth it? What happens with the next crush? Move again?

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Worth it to me, maybe not to you. I find the idea of relationships that stretch social norms damn hot, and am willing to live with the consequences.