joke thread - Page 17 - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

mgburg · #**241** 05-06-2011, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by layback40

After a visit to the whore house, a man notices green lumps on his willy, so he decides he had better go and see the local doctor.
“That’s serious” says the doctor, You know how wrestlers get cauliflower ears?”
“Yes” says the man seriously.
“Well” says the doctor “You’ve got brothel sprouts.”

Thanks alot layback40!!!! Now I'll never work up the guts to try those things!!!

aklim · #**242** 05-06-2011, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgburg

Thanks alot layback40!!!! Now I'll never work up the guts to try those things!!!

Or how about waffles once you google "blue waffles".

mgburg · #**243** 05-06-2011, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

Or how about waffles once you google "blue waffles".

Never had the opportunity arise (pardon the pun) where I would have had the need to "google" the term "blue waffles" let alone ever hear it in the course of conversation...do tell...is it NSFW? (Like I should ask this of many of your responses...)

aklim · #**244** 05-06-2011, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgburg

Never had the opportunity arise (pardon the pun) where I would have had the need to "google" the term "blue waffles" let alone ever hear it in the course of conversation...do tell...is it NSFW? (Like I should ask this of many of your responses...)

Lets put it another way. It is going to be very easy for you to give up waffles in the morning especially if they have a hint of blue in them once you see what they are.

layback40 · #**245** 05-11-2011, 07:26 AM

The police came to my front door the other night holding a picture of my wife.

The Constable said "Is this your wife sir?"

Shocked I answered "Yes"

He said, "I'm afraid I have to tell you that it looks like she’s been
hit by a bus."

I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality and she’s good with the kids."

Aquaticedge · #**246** 05-11-2011, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

Lets put it another way. It is going to be very easy for you to give up waffles in the morning especially if they have a hint of blue in them once you see what they are.

it is NSFW. However, I've seen worse.

aklim · #**247** 05-11-2011, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aquaticedge

it is NSFW. However, I've seen worse.

I'm game. Show me.

mgburg · #**248** 05-11-2011, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

I'm game. Show me.

HEY! THIS HERE'S A JOKE THREAD! LET'S NOT GET ALL MEDICALLY ON HERE!!! THIS IS "DEFINATELY" OFF TOPIC AND NSFW! I LOOKED UP ON THOSE "WAFFLES" AND THAT IS SOME NAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSTY STUFF THERE FOLKS!!!

aklim · #**249** 05-11-2011, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgburg

HEY! THIS HERE'S A JOKE THREAD! LET'S NOT GET ALL MEDICALLY ON HERE!!! THIS IS "DEFINATELY" OFF TOPIC AND NSFW! I LOOKED UP ON THOSE "WAFFLES" AND THAT IS SOME NAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSTY STUFF THERE FOLKS!!!

So no blueberry syrup on your waffles?

mgburg · #**250** 05-11-2011, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

So no blueberry syrup on your waffles?

Aquaticedge · #**251** 05-11-2011, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

I'm game. Show me.

I wont Post it on here. I dont want to be banned lol, Shoot me an Email

My name on here @ Gmail.com

layback40 · #**252** 05-13-2011, 04:21 AM

Raisin Bread

A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.

The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.

The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.

When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves.

As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.

After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"

Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.

Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.

Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man,
"Is it raisin for you too?"

"No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little."

layback40 · #**253** 05-13-2011, 04:41 AM

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
F*ck me, talk about Dyson with death.

Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker.
Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.

At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One’s a superhero and the other is an instruction.

Hi mate i don't want you to panic but I’m texting you from

the casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what i thought it was.

layback40 · #**254** 05-16-2011, 07:01 AM

I've read this several times and just can't see why it was an issue...........

Subject: Male Logic

A wife asks her husband "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."

layback40 · #**255** 05-17-2011, 08:20 AM

Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield............Because he said .....

Now just remember all this is quoting a well known American actor & comedian. All of this is published on unrestricted public accessible sites.

"My wife only has s#x with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over.. Nobody was home!

A prostitute once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlour. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no s#x life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly... They use her in prisons to cure s#x offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not s#xy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during s#x. She called me from Brisbane last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with."