I have had enough and finally told my 18 year old stepson that on weekends he either has to find a job, or go stay with his Father every weekend.

I actually feel guilty which I assume is normal, but will pass in time.

To summarize: At 18 he does nothing a typical 18 year old does. He has a 1.0 GPA in what is suposed to be his Senior year of HS. I say supposed to becasue chronologically, he is a Senior but thanks to the Public school system, he gets to be aSenior, yet owe classes from his Frosh and Sophm years he has not passed. barring any more failed classes this year, he will owe 5 classes that will have to be made up next year, or in summer school.

He doesn't go out, doesn't want to learn how to drive, no interest in girls and is generally apathetic towards everything except music, which he can listen to all day and night in his room.

The culmination came last week when I offered him 30 bucks for about 3 hours of work, so he can have some money in his pocket. He said yes, then stalled and stalled and stalled until it started to get dark and the job would have to wait. He was listening to music with a friend and skateboarding, so the job couldn't get done.

The next day I gave the job to my son, and the stp-son started giving his mother attitude when we asked him to go to Home Depot to help carry stuff.

"Why are we landscaping, why are we pulling weeds, why are we cleaning, it's just going to get dirty, the weeds will grow back, it doesn't make sense, etc...."

He was arguing with his mother the whole time at home depot and basically acted like a ***** the whole time.

At that point, I got into it with him and told him what would happen if he didn't get a job on the weekend.

Yeaterday, I reminded him and told him if he was going to be here today, he would have to go work with me for 5.00 per hour. HE said "no way, I'm going to my Dad's" with attitude of course.

So I said fine, just make sure you're not here all weekend doing nothing, or I'll find something for you to do.

I really feel that he has no desire to grow up and be responsible, which explains him hanging out with kids younger than him. He really cannot hang out with anyone his age and be able to relate to them.

Maybe him spending more time with his Dad will make him start to think and act more responsible.

All I know is, I feel like an ******* by letting him sit around, eat the food I provide, use the comforts I provide, and have him give us an attitude to top it off.

I have been telling him for a couple of years that he may not be suited for school, that he is wasting time and should drop out and take the GED. Then go to a trade school and go to work.

BTW, his Mom is ok with me telling him to go to his Dad's on the weekends. She realizes something needs to be done.


Any thoughts are appreciated.

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Enough about me, how are you doing?

Sounds like depression to me. My guess is that it may have something to do with the divorce. I'm not sure what to advise, beyond maybe looking into professional help to find out what has this kid so bottled up within himself.

I agree -- from the brief description, this sounds tragic. Professional help may be warranted. All 18 yo kids should be passionately interested in something, even if it's just raising hell...

That sounds an awful lot like me at that age. In retrospect in my case it was a lot about fear of moving foreword, gaining acceptance and so on. Perhaps guidance and encouragement, will help.....

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...Tracy

'00 ML320 "Casper"
'92 400E "Stella"

You all need professional help as a family group. The stepson has not gotten over the D-i-v-o-r-c-e. Seek professional help. What kind of Sh#t is his father feeding him??

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N. Hodges
1994 S350
1987 300 SDL (for sale)

Just wondering if you saw this thread:

What is the difference between punishment and discipline?

I agree with the advice to get professional help. I would start with an assessment to see if there is a problem that makes him capable of no more. I have seen a number of individuals whose behavior was incomprehensible and it turned out that there were underlying problems that limited their capabilities.

When the kid understands the situation he may feel the need to prove that he is capable of more.

Life is too short, this kid needs help now.

Excellent statement, one that at first glance comes across as humorous and yet contains so much truth.

I’m feeling sorry for you. Alls I can say is that he is raised now. Not much chance of having much impact on him any more. He’s an adult, and you’re allowing him to be a houseguest. You have got to get an understanding with your wife – come spring he’s on his own, or you can just consider that he’s an expensive pet. Have a good one – my weekend just started and I’m off to play.

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89 300E
79 240D
72 Westy
63 Bug sunroof
85 Jeep CJ7
86 Chevy 6.2l diesel PU

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane."
Marcus Aurelius