Whats your Favorite Quick Joke And or Pun - Page 3 - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

Pavka007 · #31 12-06-2009, 09:16 PM

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.

Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.

The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.

As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"

"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

Pavka007 · #32 12-06-2009, 09:17 PM

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.

"Is the word spell p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor.

"P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied.

"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

t walgamuth · #33 12-06-2009, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnjzjz

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!'
He slams the door and returns to bed.

'Who was that?' asked his wife.

'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.

'Did you help him?' she asks.

'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!'

'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember
about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'

'Yes,' comes back the answer.

'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband (now soaking wet)

'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.

'Where are you?' asks the husband.

'Over here on the swing!' replied the drunk.

LOL!

t walgamuth · #34 12-06-2009, 10:16 PM

Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself?

retmil46 · #35 12-06-2009, 10:25 PM

A young blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC and asks to speak with the loan officer. Once at his desk, she informs him that she's going on a week-long trip and would like to take out a loan for $5000 for expenses during the trip.

The loan officer informs her that she will need some type of collateral for the loan.

The blonde offers up "If you have a secure place to store it, you can have my car as collateral until the loan is paid back - it's a Rolls Royce."

Scarce believing her, the loan officer follows her outside, where there is indeed a brand new Rolls Royce in mint condition, with registration and clear title in her name.

Somewhat intrigued, the loan officer agrees to give the young woman the loan. The young woman drives the car into the bank's secured parking area and delivers the keys and paperwork to the loan officer, who then completes the loan and gives her her $5000.

After she leaves the bank, the employees are snickering amongst themselves about the dumb blonde that just gave up a car worth multiples of six figures for $5000, and that the rich sugar daddy that obviously gave her the car is really going to be PO'd when he finds out about it.

A week later, the young blonde woman walks back into the bank and finds the loan officer. She asks how much it would be, with interest, to pay back the loan and get her car back. The loan officer tells her that the interest comes to $5, the total being $5005 to pay off the loan. The young woman immediately writes out a check from her normal bank, which clears within minutes. The loan officer finishes the loan paperwork, then digs out the keys and paperwork for her car.

Before he hands them back to her, he says "Young lady, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you a question - I did some checking while you were gone, and it turns out you're a heiress worth millions of dollars. You didn't need the $5000 for your trip. Why then did you take out the loan and give up that magnificent car as collateral?"

The young blonde woman gave him a smug smile and said "Buddy, you tell me where else in New York City you could park a Rolls Royce for $5 a week and know it would still be there when you got back!"

t walgamuth · #36 12-06-2009, 10:47 PM

That is my type of blond joke!

Aquaticedge · #37 12-06-2009, 10:56 PM

Did you hear about the ophthalmologist? He fell into the lens grinder, I hear he's made a spectacle of himself

Fulcrum525 · #38 12-06-2009, 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by retmil46

The young blonde woman gave him a smug smile and said "Buddy, you tell me where else in New York City you could park a Rolls Royce for $5 a week and know it would still be there when you got back!"

haha that's really great

Tell you what pay me and I'll park the car for the week

okyoureabeast · #39 12-07-2009, 10:32 PM

My room mate just said this to me

Jimmy "She drives this benz that's a sporty 4 door coupe." Adam: "Really? You know I drive a 2 door sedan!"

10fords · #40 12-07-2009, 11:14 PM

3 pregnant woman, a brunette, a redhead, and a blond are talking in the waiting room of the doctors office.

The brunette says " my baby is going to be a boy, I'm sure of it because my husband was on top when we did it and it will be a boy".

The redhead says"well my baby is going to be a girl, I'm sure of it because I was on top when we did it so it will be a girl".

The blond starts crying hysterically and the brunette and the redhead ask her what's wrong, and she says I'm think I'm gonna have puppies!

raymr · #41 12-08-2009, 07:56 AM

Spooning leads to forking.

stimpy451 · #42 12-08-2009, 09:42 AM

A mushroom walks into a bar and sits down.

The bartender comes over and says "I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't serve your kind in here."

The mushroom replied, "Why not? I'm a fungi."

read "fun guy"

sorry

stimpy451 · #43 12-08-2009, 09:43 AM

A bear and rabbit and pooping in the woods. The bear leans over and says, "hey, Rabbit, do you have problems with **** sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit replied, "Uh, no."

The bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

dannym · #44 12-08-2009, 02:49 PM

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
He looks down at the end of the bar and says "What's with the monkey?"
The bartender tells him to watch this. He goes over and hits the monkey on the head with a bat and the monkey gives him a BJ!.
The guy says 'HOLY CRAP, can I try it?"
The bartender says sure just don't hit me so hard!

Carleton Hughes · #45 12-08-2009, 04:38 PM

Polack walks into a whorehouse. All the gals are busy so the madam sends him to a dark room with a blow up doll on the bed,she figures he's a dumb polack and won't know the difference.

Guy comes down 2 minutes later with a confused look on his face..."How was it, handsome?" sez the madam with a wink.

"Jeez, I dunno what happened, I was screwing her brains out, then I bit her nipple, she farted and flew out the window."