What should I do? - Page 2 - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

pawoSD · #16 03-22-2009, 10:20 AM

It wouldn't/won't be happening in my house, that's for sure.

C280 Sport · #17 03-22-2009, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jplinville

Pics of the girl?

I am sorry. I cant do that. I do not leave pictures of my sons friends on my computer.

sunedog · #18 03-22-2009, 11:48 AM

Looks like I may be the first to say let it go.

Reminds me of when I was 21 and home from college. I was in a serious relationship with a girl. My parents' bedroom was on the ground floor. My BR and guest BR upstairs.

We say goodnight to parents, retire to our respective BR's. I wait an agonizing 60 minutes for my parents to fall asleep, get up and sneak into her bed. We sleep peacefully until the alarm goes off at 5 AM. I sneak back to the cold bed in my BR.

A couple of hours later, I hear her in the shower. I get up and go into the guest BR to wait for her to say good morning. I lounge innocently on the bed. My mom walks up the stairs, comes around the corner, sees me on the bed and bursts out laughing, "Caught ya!"

She had no problem with me sleeping with my girfriend in their house. If only she knew the trouble we wnet through to try to pull off our secret.

My mom and dad, now 87 and 86 respectively, have always been the best parents I knew. Very cool on the small things. Very tough when it counted.

That was 27 years ago. The girl I slept with is my wife of 25 years.

mgburg · #19 03-22-2009, 11:57 AM

If you're going to let 'em sleep together...then you make him do the sheets...

That's not the laundry for your wife to handle!!!

JollyRoger · #20 03-22-2009, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForcedInduction

You can't be living in the 50's. Your son is 20 and still living at home.

He is male, she is female. If they haven't already had sex then he wants to, its human nature. He let her sleep in his bed hoping things would "happen".

While much of what you say is true, I would have found the same behavior disrespectful of my iron rule of my personal empire, and as king of all he surveys within the confines of my 1/2 acre domain, I would have been very disturbed that he dared to imperil the peace of the realm by not consulting the sovereign, which happens to be me. He is after all, still a subject. I must be held in awe, else other mischief will arise. I would have dispatched the two to the nearest Motel 6, pending the offer of a later audience with The King, at which they would be expected to properly genuflect, during which I would remind my son that the castle is not brothel. One of the things that motivates the little blood suckers to leave the nest is the impossibility of fornicating at will at their current abode, something they must buy with their own treasure, and if you provide such a thing to him for free, you will regret the results.

Fulcrum525 · #21 03-22-2009, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgburg

Your wife's and your house...you two talk first, THEN talk to the kids, together...

Make sure you and the wife agree as to what the "sleeping arrangements" are before you lower the boom on behalf of your wife and you.

Also, find out EXACTLY what she saw, said and did...otherwise, you look like the "odd man out" of the scenario...

The son should have know already what's acceptable under your roof...now might be a little too late to delineate "proper" non-married guest sleeping arrangement etiquette...since you've already mentioned that this type of behavior has already been going on with no objections on your part, you may have already determined how this is going to end up already.

Then, what is it about this scenario that suddenly has your paternal instincts all on high-alert?

Maybe that's what you and the wifey need to discuss before you chat w/the kids...

Either way, you better be settled with this in your mind before you approach your son...

Good luck...

I'm with mgburg as well, find out exactly what she saw. There is a good chance that it was really nothing but sleeping, and not sex.

Now I know that I'm out of touch with modern society... but one of the nicest things in life is to fall asleep in someones embrace. When I had a girlfriend she would sleep over all the time and we would always spend the night in the same bed....but we never had sex. (Self control

)

The point was being able to be close to each other. (Love, not lust) I'd kill to be able to have that again

Talk to the wife first and get the full details. Then talk to him and make sure he knows whats right and wrong in your house.

Botnst · #22 03-22-2009, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JollyRoger

While much of what you say is true, I would have found the same behavior disrespectful of my iron rule of my personal empire, and as king of all he surveys within the confines of my 1/2 acre domain, I would have been very disturbed that he dared to imperil the peace of the realm by not consulting the sovereign, which happens to be me. He is after all, still a subject. I must be held in awe, else other mischief will arise. I would have dispatched the two to the nearest Motel 6, pending the offer of a later audience with The King, at which they would be expected to properly genuflect, during which I would remind my son that the castle is not brothel. One of the things that motivates the little blood suckers to leave the nest is the impossibility of fornicating at will at their current abode, something they must buy with their own treasure, and if you provide such a thing to him for free, you will regret the results.

Perfect.

raslaje · #23 03-22-2009, 05:40 PM

Not a single comment about AIDS/HIV.
There must have been a cure I didn't hear about.

Da Nag · #24 03-22-2009, 09:20 PM

My Dad and I didn't get along when I was a kid, and after a particularly nasty fight, I packed my bags and moved out at 18.

Fortunately, I had a great place to go...my high school sweetheart, had very forward thinking and liberal minded parents. They took me in to the house, and while no such demand was made of me, I took a room downstairs away from them and their daughter.

Within a couple weeks, normal teenager urges took effect, and I began sneaking upstairs and sleeping with my gal. One morning, her mom opened the door - didn't see anything "going on", other than the two of us in bed together.

Her response: "Would you two like some breakfast?"

I've never forgotten that moment. She showed incredible restraint and maturity, even though we as kids, weren't returning the favor. More than 30 years later, I'm married to that gal, and have a great relationship with my in-laws.

While it's certainly your prerogative as to what happens under your roof, my advice - ignore it, and/or embrace it. Your kid is 20 years old, and beyond effective parenting. You've done your job, instilled your values, and hopefully he's made you proud. Accept him and his "friend" with open arms, and be glad he feels so welcome in his parents' house.

Skippy · #25 03-22-2009, 09:24 PM

The situation reminds me of something one of my Navy buddies "J" told me. When he was still in high school, J brought a girl home one afternoon. After a while, his dad said, "So, are you two gonna go upstairs and f--- or what?" J was quite embarrassed. Interesting parenting.

kerry · #26 03-22-2009, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JollyRoger

While much of what you say is true, I would have found the same behavior disrespectful of my iron rule of my personal empire, and as king of all he surveys within the confines of my 1/2 acre domain, I would have been very disturbed that he dared to imperil the peace of the realm by not consulting the sovereign, which happens to be me. He is after all, still a subject. I must be held in awe, else other mischief will arise. I would have dispatched the two to the nearest Motel 6, pending the offer of a later audience with The King, at which they would be expected to properly genuflect, during which I would remind my son that the castle is not brothel. One of the things that motivates the little blood suckers to leave the nest is the impossibility of fornicating at will at their current abode, something they must buy with their own treasure, and if you provide such a thing to him for free, you will regret the results.

Yep, my house, my rules is medieval. Problem is, we live in a world in which we expect 18 yr olds to be the political equals of their parents and grandparents which means they need to begin inventing their own rules around 12 or 13. In addition,we impose high school, college and graduate school on them after they've reached sexual maturity and long before they have the financial resources to settle down and marry. Given these facts, it seems that teenage children are going to need their own sexual rules to follow and I think we should encourage them to develop them in dialogue with their parents.

C280 Sport · #27 03-22-2009, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skippy

The situation reminds me of something one of my Navy buddies "J" told me. When he was still in high school, J brought a girl home one afternoon. After a while, his dad said, "So, are you two gonna go upstairs and f--- or what?" J was quite embarrassed. Interesting parenting.

That is very embarrasing. That girl must of turned red.

I could not image a parent saying that to his son.

E150GT · #28 03-23-2009, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by G-Benz

...agreed.

And it's common decency to the family. If you ain't married, you shouldn't be sharing a bed together in your parents' house.

x2. I am 25 and used to live with my girlfriend. My parents hated it. I wouldnt dream of doing this in my parents house.

jlomon · #29 03-23-2009, 08:48 AM

It isn't about whether or not two 20 year olds are or should be having sex. It boils down to a respect issue. Your son should have made sure it was ok with you and your wife first. I'm sure that by age 20 they're probably both having sex, with each other or with other people. But they don't need to be doing it under your roof. A parent doesn't want to hear their kids having sex any more than a kid wants to hear their parent having sex.

This is the whole reason that cheap motels were invented.