What should I do? - Page 3 - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

Kuan · #31 03-23-2009, 09:14 AM

Your house, your rules. His room, his personal space. You gotta respect some of that, but believe that you've kept the lines of communication open enough that he's safe.

I think you should be honored that he feels safe under your roof.

dynalow · #32 03-23-2009, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgburg

Your wife's and your house...you two talk first, THEN talk to the kids, together...

Make sure you and the wife agree as to what the "sleeping arrangements" are before you lower the boom on behalf of your wife and you.

Also, find out EXACTLY what she saw, said and did...otherwise, you look like the "odd man out" of the scenario...

The son should have know already what's acceptable under your roof...now might be a little too late to delineate "proper" non-married guest sleeping arrangement etiquette...since you've already mentioned that this type of behavior has already been going on with no objections on your part, you may have already determined how this is going to end up already.

Then, what is it about this scenario that suddenly has your paternal instincts all on high-alert?

Maybe that's what you and the wifey need to discuss before you chat w/the kids...

Either way, you better be settled with this in your mind before you approach your son...

Good luck...

x2

Reverse role play, dad!.
What if it was your daughter? Would you want her sleeping with a guy in his house with his parents not caring? I wouldn't. But I used to jitterbug to Oh Boy!

Only once do I recall one of my daughters who was a senoir in college at the time, bringing a guy to my house to sleep over. They stayed in separate rooms. No questions or comments before or after on either side.
Guess maybe it's how they were raised.

JollyRoger · #33 03-23-2009, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jlomon

It isn't about whether or not two 20 year olds are or should be having sex. It boils down to a respect issue. Your son should have made sure it was ok with you and your wife first. I'm sure that by age 20 they're probably both having sex, with each other or with other people. But they don't need to be doing it under your roof. A parent doesn't want to hear their kids having sex any more than a kid wants to hear their parent having sex.

This is the whole reason that cheap motels were invented.

My sentiments exactly. The sex issue has nothing to do with it, or the AIDS thing, in which I would gladly offer him a condom on his way out the door to the Motel 6. I do not provide stud facilities or breeding stalls, I do reserve one for myself, but obtaining one was the result of my own days as a subject in the realm of Mad King Dad, who had even stricter rules on the issue of Fornication and Unlawful Carnal Knowledge taking place within his realm, indeed, he would have summoned the parson and the woman's father, who would have arrived with his birding iron.

His Majesty's point was thus: if one wishes to begin the breeding process, one must build one's own set of feathers and plummage for the purpose of attracting the opposite sex, which for humans consists of a cheap flat in a seedy part of town with rock posters and the art of the day on the wall, and I am told, still with Rolling Stones Magazine strewn about. The man will find out that a womanly regular visitor will actually throw out last month's pizza from the refrig, and love will bloom.

It is all about coming of age and finding the benefits of assuming responsibilities for one's own self. Do good in school, and I will provide the funds for a dorm room to fornicate in while your roommates watches, that is about the limit of my participation, if you want anything more than that, get a job and provide it yourself, you might need the abode for raising children.

mgburg · #34 03-23-2009, 09:38 AM

One thing I haven't seen discussed here, YET, is the one thing that should be on everyone's mind...particularly due this time of the season...

One mistake and they've got a deduction on their hands.

Yep, that ol' bug-a-boo...pregnancy...

And your abode could be the breeding ground of the next generation of "C280 Sports" or "C280 Sportettes" - eh?

How's that talk going?

It's one thing to be able to sleep together, or share intimate body fluids (never mind no one except reslaje brought up the HIV/AIDS issue...

) but the fact remains that regardless HOW CAREFULL either of them think they can be, mistakes have happened and then the question that SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON EVERYONES' MIND IS: ARE THE TWO OF THEM ABLE TO AFFORD/CONTEND WITH A THIRD...NOW?

With Octomom on the "idiot box" every commercial break, have we become that numb to pregnancy?

We've got a whole thread just a click away going on about this same thing and the responses there are interesting to say the least...

Somebody better get to that set of kids...and fast...it may be too late or you may want to toss in a gross of condoms and 55-gallon drum of spericide...

Unless, of course, you and the wifey like the idea of being called G-parents by your peers...

awsrock · #35 03-23-2009, 09:47 AM

So sure, maybe they are not dating, but they obviously are comfortable enough to sleep in the same bed together..so either they are REALLY good friends, or they aspire to date in the future..

Also, don't worry too much about the pregnancy thing. It sounds like your son is pretty responsible, and most responsible guys I know (I'm 23) would be sure to use proper protection if they were to have sex.

I doubt that they did anything. Again, it would take a lot, on both he and the girls part, to have sex while you and your wife were still home.

I'd have a talk with him, but more of an investigatory (is that even a word?) talk than a punishing lecture. Find out what the story is first, and remind him that what he did didn't sit right with you.

aklim · #36 03-23-2009, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skippy

The situation reminds me of something one of my Navy buddies "J" told me. When he was still in high school, J brought a girl home one afternoon. After a while, his dad said, "So, are you two gonna go upstairs and f--- or what?" J was quite embarrassed. Interesting parenting.

Did his dad say also "If so, can I join in or at least get a turn?"?

Seriously, your house, your rules. If they don't like it as I didn't, they can do as I did and get a motel.

pawoSD · #37 03-23-2009, 12:05 PM

The whole idea of this kind of stuff somehow being "ok" now vs. in the past due to "modern society" is exactly what is wrong with modern society. Anything goes, morals, ethics, and more controlled behavior seem to be disappearing quickly. And so goes the further deterioration of society.

aklim · #38 03-23-2009, 12:06 PM

While I agree that it is your house, ergo your rules, personally, I think you are making too much of it. He is 20 and therefore not theoretically your responsibility any more. Assuming you told him about sex when he was 10-12 (Wife has dealt with quite a few pregnant 14 yo girls), he should have been informed of what he needs to do. Snip the tubes or nuts, wrap it, etc, etc should be well known to him today. IF not, probably a little late.

Probably should reinforce within him that any pregnancy IS HIS PROBLEM. I have seen way too many parents that are practically kids themselves shove their unwanted bundles of joy to the grandparents.

If you think that by telling him he cannot get laid in your house you will stop it altogether, think again. Just be prepared that he will take it elsewhere. When my parents told me that, I took it to a motel. Your son may do the same.

Other than that, nothing you really can do.

aklim · #39 03-23-2009, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pawoSD

The whole idea of this kind of stuff somehow being "ok" now vs. in the past due to "modern society" is exactly what is wrong with modern society. Anything goes, morals, ethics, and more controlled behavior seem to be disappearing quickly. And so goes the further deterioration of society.

Morals and ethics are somewhat a personal thing. I cannot insist that my son or daughter vote Rep or Dem because that is what I brought them up as any more than they need to follow my morals and ethics. As long as they are under my charge, yes. At 20, no. All he can do is say "Take it elsewhere". A long time ago, if the bible is to be believed, they had women on the rag walking at the back. I'm sure there was a reason for it. Today, it doesn't matter. People have sex with women on the rag. I know I did. This issue of sex before marriage is pretty much in the same class. The problems arise because we do one or both of the u/m

1. Don't teach them about BC
2. Don't make them responsible for that unwanted bundle of joy

C280 Sport · #40 03-23-2009, 02:00 PM

Well I went to my wife to ask her what she saw. She said that she walked in and they whee both sleeping. Not cuddled up or anything. Him and her where just sleeping next to each other with full clothes on. I still have not confronted him but I am almost 100% sure nothing happined. But the next time she comes over I will pull her aside to ask her some questions when he is not around. He talks to her almost every other day on the phone or computer or texting but still says they are not dating. Ok I said. Whatever he says I guess.

jlomon · #41 03-23-2009, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by C280 Sport

But the next time she comes over I will pull her aside to ask her some questions when he is not around. He talks to her almost every other day on the phone or computer or texting but still says they are not dating. Ok I said. Whatever he says I guess.

Some advice? Talk to him, not her. It wont matter if they did anything or didn't do anything. She'll be mortified and wont feel comfortable coming around your house any more. That could put pressure on your son's friendship with her.

Deal with him, not her.

aklim · #42 03-23-2009, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by C280 Sport

Well I went to my wife to ask her what she saw. She said that she walked in and they whee both sleeping. Not cuddled up or anything. Him and her where just sleeping next to each other with full clothes on. I still have not confronted him but I am almost 100% sure nothing happined. But the next time she comes over I will pull her aside to ask her some questions when he is not around. He talks to her almost every other day on the phone or computer or texting but still says they are not dating. Ok I said. Whatever he says I guess.

Dude. The wife and I aren't always cuddled up but if you think we don't have sex, please send me a hooker to deflower me. Maybe they are not dating but friends with benefits. Who knows. Like I said, he is 20 and I wouldn't meddle in his affairs. Feel free to tell him that you don't want this to go on under your roof but that is a whole different story.

C280 Sport · #43 03-23-2009, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgburg

One thing I haven't seen discussed here, YET, is the one thing that should be on everyone's mind...particularly due this time of the season...

One mistake and they've got a deduction on their hands.

Yep, that ol' bug-a-boo...pregnancy...

And your abode could be the breeding ground of the next generation of "C280 Sports" or "C280 Sportettes" - eh?
Unless, of course, you and the wifey like the idea of being called G-parents by your peers...

Already a Grandparent. My oldest son of 35 has a son. As far as the next one and this situation. I do like his friend a lot. She is nice, smart, funny and good looking. I think what I am saying is that I wish my wife did not have to walk in and see it. I would of rather me see the two of them walk out of the room togeather instead. No we do not need to next generation of "C280 Sports" Not now!! He has his education to get first.

C280 Sport · #44 03-23-2009, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jlomon

Some advice? Talk to him, not her. It wont matter if they did anything or didn't do anything. She'll be mortified and wont feel comfortable coming around your house any more. That could put pressure on your son's friendship with her.

Deal with him, not her.

That is a good point. I think I will ask him about it tonight. I will keep everyone updated.