After typing this post, I will be on my way to the juvenille dtention center to pick up my fifteen year old son for psoessin of marijuana and drup parephenalia.

After his recent episode with taking money from me, I denied it as I did'nt see any obvious symptoms and he was still getting good grades in school.

Some members suggested that may have been the case and I failed to consider it, which I now know should have been heavily considered.

My wife was completely distraught and I am ashamed of myself beyond belief.

My wife has been telling me that we give him too much freedom and I agree with her. From now on, anywhere we go, he goes. No more staying home for the weekend by himself. In fact, there will be a bunch of no mores. Just gotta think of them.

I suppose we all go thru a phase, but it doesn't make it any easier to take.

I'm gonna pull a Sipowicz from NYPD blue and pull out the big phone book for when I question him.

Where'd you gt it from?

Ummmm, some kid..

Whack!

Where'd you get it from?

Gotta go get the pothead outta juvi hall.

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Enough about me, how are you doing?

Ouch. But look at it this way maybe it will be a turning point for him. Maybe this will scare him enough.

I lot of people I knew back in highschool experimented with pot. For some nothing came of it they used it a few times and moved on. But for a few it has become quite an addiction. Those kids dropped off my radar after we graduated all I can say is a I hope they figure it out.

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2016 Corvette Stingray 2LT
1969 280SE
2023 Ram 1500
2007 Tiara 3200

I can say that I am actually glad it happened and he got takien away from scholl in a police car, handcuffed and all. Perhaps tha fear and embarassment was enough.

What makes me feel like an ahole is that after his latest episode of taking money from my wallet, he seemed remorseful and we eased up on him a bit.

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Enough about me, how are you doing?

I don't know all the details of life with your kid, but I don't think I would make a huge deal of it if it were my kid and my kid seemed to be happy and doing well in other aspects of her life. Not to say I would encourage her, but it isn't anything I didn't do as an older teen and I wouldn't want something like marijuana use to drive a wedge between us. Now if my kid was doing poorly at school or seemed to have social issues, that would be a different situation.

While all the other aspects of his life are fine, it's hard not to make a big deal out of it when he may get kicked out of a magnet school and have to be put in one of the shottiest schools in the Dade county system.

Like I said, we all go thru phases, but there will be reprecussions.

I'm waiting on the wife to get here so we can toss his room before we go get him.

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Enough about me, how are you doing?

Plant,
Just be happy you are picking him up from jail and not the morgue. I recommend you take this as a wakeup call. Since I have no kids, I have no room to talk. However, I think that your role as a parent should be a parent and not a best friend. If it means being viewed as an ******* (thus uncool) by your kid, so be it. This is not the time to be inconsistent.

My $0.02 and will probably get change back.

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Jennifer
90 350sdl

Yes, it's a tough thing when you're facing repercussions like that. My only real advice, FWIW, is to realize that your kid is going to do what he wants. I wouldn't forbid anything or lay down ultimatums. I would explain the situation to him like an adult and discuss repercussions and hope he'll do the right thing. Backing him in a corner is usually counterproductive. When I was going through that phase, my parents tried to get all tough about it, and all it accomplished was cutting the lines of communication. The more they told not to do something, the more I did it.

Well it really isn't your fault if that helps at all.

Well when I was 15 not to long ago if their was somthing I wanted to do and my parents said no I would do it anyway. When I was that age at least, "no" just ment don't get caught. Heck 4 years later and nothing has changed. Luckly he is still young and probably hasn't been doing it for long. It is probably better he was caught now insted of in a few years. Back in highschool pot was a group and friend thing, chances are he was smoking with other people.

Good luck I hope everything works out!

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2016 Corvette Stingray 2LT
1969 280SE
2023 Ram 1500
2007 Tiara 3200

So you missed the ques....everyones hindsight is always 20/20. Trick is to look ahead...keep him on a short leash and make sure he doesn't run with the wrong crowd.

Worst case? Do what a friend did with her son who wasn't listening....she enrolled him in a Militarty academy.

I would bet his problem is who his friends are.......He might very well be a good kid at heart who was influenced by a bad element ( kids he considers cool...but are really trouble).

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Proud owner of ....
1971 280SE W108
1979 300SD W116
1983 300D W123
1975 Ironhead Sportster chopper
1987 GMC 3/4 ton 4X4 Diesel
1989 Honda Civic (Heavily modified)
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Section 609 MVAC Certified
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"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche

My sympathies, Plantman.

I have no children of my own, so, I won't make any personal suggestions. However, the advice of BHD, seems to be exactly what I was thinking.

Man, I feel for you. It's not easy to be a parent. I am lucky that both of my kids never really had any problems in that nature. They have good disciplines. I would suggest that you and your wife have a real heart to heart talk with your boy. And ask him what he is going to do to turn his life around. If he has the right answers, he will be much more committed if this comes from himself. I know you are very angry at him and he needs discipline, but I hope he does not become rebellious. Perhaps another close member of the family, such as your brother, sister or your wife's side, can have a good talk with him. Hope things turns out well for you and your wife

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Flash Gordon

2003 E500 BlackOpal/Charcoal

2004 Infiniti G35X

THe friend I speak of is a single mom who works 3 jobs as a housekeeper.

She is still paying for Militart school (you are there 24 hours a day)

Thats is discipline unlike any you will get at home and in public school.

This kid rebelled and refused to listen....Now his grades are up and he has peers who are disciplined and an enviroment that is positive.

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Proud owner of ....
1971 280SE W108
1979 300SD W116
1983 300D W123
1975 Ironhead Sportster chopper
1987 GMC 3/4 ton 4X4 Diesel
1989 Honda Civic (Heavily modified)
---------------------
Section 609 MVAC Certified
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"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche

Sounds like a good kid who made a bad choice. Can you and your wife help him make better decisions for himself? Did you smoke it when you were 15? What would your reaction have been if your folks ransacked your room? Lots of work for you all to. He's lucky to have pretty good parents. Good luck.

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Michael

1988 300 SL (5 Speed)
1994 E320 Wagon
1997 C230

Can you let him sweat it out in Juvie for a little while (if only a couple of hours)? Rather than ransack the room, see if the cops will send a sniffer dog over and give the place a once-over. Less intrusive, and better all-around. Then you can ask him to level with you: do you have anything else in the house? See what he says.

Be glad it's just weed. It was never my thing (couldn't afford it even if it was), but I can think of lots of worse addictions! Good luck!

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1992 300D 2.5T
1980 Euro 300D (sadly, sold)
1998 Jetta TDI, 132K "Rudy"
1974 Triumph TR6
1999 Saab 9-5 wagon (wife's)

as cscmc1 mentioned, there could be many other more addictive, and much more dangerous drugs your son could have been using.

4 years ago, pot was like alcohol. Present at every single party, in every single social group. Howwever, coke was nearly right up there, popular among many kids. And 5 years later, its stronger than ever... I circle in older crowds now, consisting of college students and people embarking on life after college- people starting businesses etc. Coke is rampant EVERYWHERE.... from the expected "high class" party to the trashy bar bathrrom, to the highschool and junior high parties.

If I were facing the issue of pot with a son or daughter, id definitely put my foot down. However, Id feel somewhat relieved that I wasnt dealing with a coked out kid or worse..... I see this as a time to re-establish the boundaries with your son, the rules, and the privledges. But it is also CRUCIAL that you dont push him away-

Military schoool may work for many people, but I have had numerous friends that had horrifyiong experiences.. not because of the discipline, but from abuse. Im not sure how big of a problem it is, but there seems to be a very high rate of abuse in youth detention facilities and military schools that crosses the line between strict and sometimes unpleasant discipline and flat out abuse of power. A good friend of mine was being physically abused in military school- he would write home telling his parents of what was happening. Most of the time, the letters never arrived.... He now is a much different person. Hes highly irritable, depressed, uses drugs, and is VERY tempermental. After his return home i found he was a hard person to be friends with. We still keep in touch however. 4 othher friends of mine between JR. High and H.S. had similar experiences in disciplinary school.

Another friend of mine had a very hard time maintaining a relationship bewteen himself and his parents. He was and is an exceelnt kid, very bright, very intellegent, and always pulled exemplary grades. However, from what he would tell me and what i observed about his parents was 100% true. They tried to control him in every way.. to the point that it was smothering him. They didnt take the time to listen to him, or actually hear what he was saying... he neeeded them to back off. they were very high pressure parents whom cared tremendously about him, but were a bit over-bearing, and rather ambitious about "his" goals rather than what his goals actually were. They were the perfect example of parents who tried to raise their son into somthing they wanted him to be, disregarding everything he wanted and had a passion for. Needless to say, he rebelled. He found drugs, would run away for days, his grades dropped, and his parents became volatiile. I lost touch with him after I became the 3rd wheel between him and his parents. I couldnt handle his parents irrationalities, and I couldnt handle seeing my friend F*#@ up his life.. regardless of any "interventions" that were tried bewteen me and my friends at the time or his helpless parennts. He eventuually went to re-hab and I havent heard anything more.

More recently, my family found out a distant cousin of mine put herself into re-hab. We dont really keep in touch with this part of the family. And I must say that theyre quite disfunctional. At any rate, we thought my cousin was doing fine.. she was awarded for being in the top ten percentile of her class in GPA, she was on the basketball team, swim team, and had a great head on her shoulders. However, her parents were absent from her life... they had their own problems. She seemed like the girl that was passionate about doing her best and getting away from her parents and building her own more successful life. Turns out her boyfriend got her into drugs, and she had found herself trafficking hard drugs into her town and school...... whhich is still shhocking to this day. Since this happend shhes made a 100% turn around, but it goes to show that drug abuse isnt limited to a certain social group, personality, or place, which can often tiimes be forgotten by parents, wether they are present in their kids life or not.

My point being is that I thhink it is HIGHLY IMPORTANT that a parent maintains a BALANCE in their methods of discipline.... not enough can lead to negative affects, and too much in various ways can lead a child down the same path.

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Nate

1995 E420
1992 BMW 525i
1984 300D Turbo sold
1993 Volvo 244 sold
1995 Volvo 944T R.I.P!


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