If he was top runner there, he'd be top runner in five other places unless he was in a very narrow industry. He did exactly what I would have done.

Other option is to simply find another similar job, switch jobs, then speak to the lady. I for one would find it intolerable to work with someone in whom I was that interested, day in and day out, without having the (perceived) ability to act on the situation. So that would be reason enough to leave.

Just like that? Find another job? Leave a perfectly good one for a hope of a "maybe"? Sorry, I can find a lot of "maybe" situations outside of the workplace without doing something that dumb. It's stupidity to give up a job you are happy with for a shot at "maybe". Now, if I was really fed up with my job, why not find something better.

And dumb. No stupider than the SS man that stiffed the hooker though.

It will take more than a lunch every couple months to find out if this person is worth risking your job/career over. More than that and office gossip will be flying.

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

Not necessarily. Even if he was, he might not have wanted 2nd choice.

Yes and as I recall, it didn't work out for him. Well, it did till he caught her cheating but why nit pick? He had a good run of 6 months to a year before it went downhill. Had to leave the job and didn't get his first pick. BTW, he didn't think it was worth the time but YMMV

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

Yep, just like that. As long as the salary and benefits are similar, then who cares? I know I can:
(a) get another job
(b) sell my skills on the open market, freelance
(c) sit tight for 12+ months, comfortably, while waiting to do either (a) or (b)

BTW - it's NOT a "perfectly good" situation if you have to be around someone that you're extremely interested in, but can't act on it. I would find that completely intolerable, and would either want to act on it or take myself out of the situation. Bonus points since she's older -- I'm 32 and basically *only* interested in late 30s or 40-something women. Women my age or younger seldom hold any attraction to me.

spdrun: I'm pretty sure she is not married and also sure that she's single. Over time you just know these things. Don't think she has any kids either. I wouldn't crush on a married woman or someone who has a bf--or at least the crush would not last long.

I agree, there's nothing wrong with asking a coworker--whether the person be your peer or a superior-- for a casual lunch, but I'm just shy when it comes to that, even if it's just platonic. In fact, I used to be able to talk to her easily, but once I realized I like her, I've become a total dork around her, even avoiding her so that I won't have to talk to her It's just like high school. Ugh. The weird thing is that she seems shy too, and that's what I like about her, there's this womanly sophistication yet a girlish charm about her. Maybe you're right, spdrun, she may just be as nervous as I am...arggghhhh, stop giving me ideas!

Aklim has some good points, but I like to think that office romance can be addressed maturely and can even work, but it really depends on the individuals involved. There's only one way to find out, and that involves crossing a point of no return. I'm not sure if I'm really to cross that threshold.

Salary and benefits are not the whole picture. Stability and the environment are other considerations.

I don't have the kind of money to toss on that sort of frivolity. I see people every day that I could be interested in. I'd have to be richer than God for me to simply toss things down the drain each time I see someone that might be something or might not be.

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

Not saying it is impossible but based on what I have seen, it is improbable. The job is difficult enough without me adding more crap to it to make it worse.

Paraphrase it yourself. I updated it: I know what you’re thinking: “Did he fire five shots, or only four?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being this is a 500 S&W Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: “Do I feel lucky?” Well do ya, punk?

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

OK, then you've lost the ability to relate to her professionally -- the point of no return was crossed about 50 miles back. Time to start looking for a new job. Once you find one, give notice and speak to her either after you've given it or after you've left. And don't be a shy assclown and wait too long to speak to her either. Right now is awkward. Dealing with it in the correct manner will make things less awkward, not more.

BTW - I'm not advocating office romance. I'm advocating relationships with former co-workers ... there's no rule, even unwritten, that says that you have to stop talking to them if you leave the company for "personal reasons."

Right now, he is a dork talking to her. No need to go job hunting on that ground yet. Why leave a stable job unless there is one that promises much more? Where is the logic in that? What if the new job don't pan out? Go running back to the old? What happens when the next job shoves him another schoolboy crush? Find yet another job? If you are working at McDonnalds, sure. Go to Hardees or Arbys or Subway.

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

And what's the harm in job-hunting as long as you're reasonably discreet?

BTW - I followed the type of moronic, small-minded advice that you're giving now 4 years ago and regret it to to this day. Enough said. Think about it this way ... you fall under a subway train next year. What's the more likely thought that will come to you as your life flashes through your mind? "I wish I'd have worked as Schmoe&Joe&Co for another six months." or "I wish I'd have done more to get to know Jane."

Haha, no, it's not really as high-schoolish as I made it out to be. I don't really go out of my way to avoid her because I feel uncomfortable, but there are moments when I don't feel or look my best and just want to keep it low. I can talk to her easily, but not as "casually" as I once could it seems. I'm still professional about it all though At least I think I am. As I said, it's just a crush, one that sorta motivates you to do better professionally and personally. It's nothing unhealthy, as in having stalking thoughts and what not. I still talk to other girls, women, ladies, whatever and go out with them. In fact, she saw me having dinner with a female friend at a vegan place she recommended to me--total bonus points!

Why again? To have a shot at a "definite maybe"? Now if the job is making ridiculous demands or you are getting way more somewhere else or something tangible, play ball. If I heard of a stupid reason to look for a new job, this is it.

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

And why not? Too busy to be a stalker? Nothin says loving like family lovin or stalking

If I am going to eat at a vegan place, it better be at the "Y" at her place. I'm not a cow. I don't eat grass. I might smoke grass but I don't inhale or eat it.

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

Everything's a "maybe" in life.

We agree on that, partially, at least. I like my grass, but I also like some meat to go along with it.