Man, I can't feel your pain. I've never been there. But know that I hope you feel better sooner rather than later. Everything in good time.

Not to take away from your thread, but a similar thing has just happened to the brother of a girl I've been seeing lately. Both of them are 29. They've been together for nine years. Dated for two, lived together for another five, and have been married for two years. Last week she told him she simply wanted out of the marriage-- that she didn't want it anymore. He later learned that for the last three years she's been having an online "relationship" with some guy out of state. At least he was out of state until recently, when they moved to his city! Now she wants out and that's it.

I don't know what goes on in the minds of some people. What ever happend to a promise? Does it just mean, "I promise to be faithful and stick it out-- at least until I change my mind?"

I hope I don't ever have to go through what you guys are experiencing. My prayers are with both of you.

I really wonder if the fact that they lived together before marrying had anything to do with the eventual breakup. I tend to think it did.

__________________

Current:
2014 VW Tiguan SEL 4Motion 43,000 miles.

2016 Hyundai Santa Fe Sport (wife's).

Past:
2006 Jetta TDI 135,970 miles. Sold Nov. '13.
1995 E-320 Special Edition. 220,200 miles. Sold Sept. '07.
1987 190-E 16 valve. 153,000 miles. Sold Feb. '06.
1980 300-D 225,000 miles. Donated to the National Kidney Foundation.
1980 240-D manual, 297,500 miles. Totaled by inattentive driver.

Your comment about her attending college explains a lot in my mind. Attending college can be a life changing experience. I think this is often true for women who go to college a number of years after they graduate from high school. It can have a radical effect on their self-image and view of life. Usually this is for the better. However, it is a dangerous time for relationships. Relationships that were formed with the earlier person have to evolve as the new person develops. Sometimes this happens naturally but often it produces fractures in the relationship.
If I am anywhere near the mark and you have an opportunity to talk to her, make sure you support the new person she can be as well as the person she was.
Best of luck. Remember we are always hear to listen even if we can do nothing else (besides giving diesel advice which we are much better at).

__________________
1977 300d 70k--sold 08
1985 300TD 185k+
1984 307d 126k--sold 8/03
1985 409d 65k--sold 06
1984 300SD 315k--daughter's car
1979 300SD 122k--sold 2/11
1999 Fuso FG Expedition Camper
1993 GMC Sierra 6.5 TD 4x4
1982 Bluebird Wanderlodge CAT 3208--Sold 2/13

Thanks Kerry,

I was always 100% supportive of school, and had absolutely no problem with the education she was gaining. In fact, I appreciated it on many fronts.

To be blunt, there are many possibilies as a result of her finishing school. All of them are plenty painful -- and as much as I wish they couldn't be true -- they certainly can be.

I only wish she could tell me what was going on, what really happen, and what could have (or could still be) done to heal our relationship. As we approach the start of the third week of her being gone... I really don't know what to say/think/do.

I didn't intend to imply that you were less than supportive. Even the strongest relationships face dangers when one partner is pursuing an education. Education puts lots of new ideas in people's heads and while this is good, it is still playing with fire.

I have sometimes found that repetitive meaningless tasks can sometimes take my mind off things. Wax and polish that new wagon. Clean the house. Dig a ditch.

__________________
1977 300d 70k--sold 08
1985 300TD 185k+
1984 307d 126k--sold 8/03
1985 409d 65k--sold 06
1984 300SD 315k--daughter's car
1979 300SD 122k--sold 2/11
1999 Fuso FG Expedition Camper
1993 GMC Sierra 6.5 TD 4x4
1982 Bluebird Wanderlodge CAT 3208--Sold 2/13

Thanks, I spent most of the weekend working on the car -- it was a lot of fun!

I know I keep asking, but I still don't understand -- why can't I try to email her again? How long do I wait? (It has been a week since I tried to email her last) I feel like she thinks I have given up on her. I have not.

Thanks agian.

Not contacting her is about many things:

it's about being strong
it's about not appearing weak to her
it's about respecting the space she wants or needs
it's about self-respect
it's about claiming power over the direction of your life
it's about healing
it's about sending a message that you'll be fine without her

If you chase someone who's running away from you, she'll just run faster. This is your wife we're talking about, and as your wife, she should be held to certain level of accountability and responsibility. Don't email her, don't answer if she emails you -- it's an insult. If she calls and says she'd like to get together to talk, then hear her out, but anything less than that is, IMHO, disrespectful. Do not just take her back under any condition or she might do this to you again. She has shattered your trust, and you should make her regain that trust before taking her back. Remember -- if she doesn't respect you, she doesn't love you.

Ron
http://germanstar.net

Again GottaDiesel I hate to sound like I am being hard but this lady is GONE from your life. I have seen it too many times. I would suggest doing whatever you have to do to move on. Personally, I would suggest not contacting her. In reference to the above quote and reading what you have written so far I don't think she cares what you think. Again, sorry to be the heavy here but I have seen this before.

I have a friend that went through the same thing just recently. His wife of many years told him she needed her "space". They split up/divorce, he gets the kids and the house, she moves out and within two weeks she is living with her "new" man that who knows how long she had been seeing him. He still thinks she cares .

__________________
Jim

Man, when I saw the title of this thread I thought your dog had died!! What a relief it's just a woman that's left. Admittedly I have only read a couple of the posts so I may be echoing someone else's sentiment, but you're better of without her if she can just pick up and hit the trail. Let her go. Move on. Go out and make a ton of money, get in shape and get a trophy arm candy. She'll be crawling back and you can just look at her and laugh!

An elderly man was taking a nice walk along a secluded beach one evening. The weather was perfect. A lite breeze was blowing in from the ocean allowing the birds to soar in lazy circles on the up drafts from the sand dunes with out flaping their wings. Other than the gentle slapping of the waves that slid up the beach until they just covered his toes before they slid back down, It was so quiet he thought maybe this time he might be able to hear the huge red sun, that was painting the puffy clouds behind him vivid colors that are found nowere else in the universe,hiss when it touched the ocean.

Then he noticed another set of footprints being formed in the wet sand keeping pace with him but nobody was there. He walked on for a while. Finaly he said, Is that you Lord? And the Lord said, Yes my son. The man said, If this means it is time for me to be judged by St. Peter, I am ready for I have always tried to live my life according to the 10 commandments. The Lord said, No, That's not it. You have been such a good man your whole life, that I have come to grant you one wish for anything you want. The man said, Thank you Lord, but I have just about every thing a man could ask for, a good family, a nice house, enough money to last longer than I will be here on earth. I do have one brother in law that could use a good smite or two,but I don't guess that's what we are here for.


The Lord said, surly there is something that would make your life easier. The man said, Well, we go to Hawaii every winter, and the airlines just get worse and worse all the time, especialy since 9-11. I've got an old Benz diesel that I just love to drive, could you build a bridge so I can enjoy driving it to Hawaii instead of being miserable trying to deal with thise airlines.

NO, that would be impossible. It would have to be thousands of miles long, the pillors would have to be thousands of feet deep to reach the sea floor, it would have to be hundreds of feet in the air so ships could sail under it. Then there would have to be service plazas and rest areas and all that stuff. It would be an enginering nightmare. Is there something easier that you could wish for?


They walked on for a while, then the man said, Well, I realy would like to know how womens minds work.


They walked on for a while longer, Then the Lord said, Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four lanes?

Lou

Smoke N Poke,

Point taken!

Cap'n... I know that's what I "should" do -- and stop the sadness... but that is so much easier said than done.

Thanks again.

I don't see as you have a choice, unless you count moping about living in the past as a choice. If a loved one dies you have no choice except to move on. Dead love is just like that. Grieve for it for a minute, but the quicker you move on , the better off you'll be.

Dayum! I knew there was something I left off my list

GottaDiesel, stay active and pick up a new hobby or two....of course focusing on your career couldn't hurt and may take some of the sting away.

- sfloriII

Unfortunate reality dose. All too many times this is the case. KEEP yourself busy for now. With all the predators on this site, I find it amazing there seem as many who wish to help. Whatever your support group, stay in touch with it and keep your goals in mind and her out of your mind when possible.

...eventually you will be hearing from her lawyer (solicitor?), so get one for yourself and document that she has abandoned the marriage.

Just a suggestion that will probably help protect your interests.

Frankly, it is easier to get a divorce now-a-days than to get out of a three-year car lease.

True regards!

Norm

__________________
'91 420 SEL @ 199K, '92 SVX @ 181K, '93 SC400 @ 86K, '93 Kaw ZX-11 @ 30K, '87 F250 @ 181K , 2001 Valkyrie Interstate @ 6K, Y2K Honda NightHawk 250 with 1.5K, '88 420SEL I.@ 179K & the 2nd latest, an '88 420SEL II.@ 210K runnin' parts car, '85 F150 300/NP435

I know... I know... I wish I didn't but I do...

Thanks...