Coming on this thread late, but my sympathies are no less than what has been said. Hang in there.
It was the other way around for my wife and I a few years ago. I was the one leaving. What a mess I made of it. Won't go into any of it, but the best thing I ever did was to go back one more time and talk to her. We worked it out after that. Got to a counselor. Only took 2 visits for me to figure out what an idiot I was being. It tore me apart when I really saw how much I was hurting her.
Aw, we can be really stupid sometimes.
Hope she contacts you. Hope she'll at least sit and talk with you about.

__________________
past MB rides:
'68 220D
'68 220D(another one)
'67 230
'84 SD
Current rides:
'06 Lexus RX330
'93 Ford F-250
'96 Corvette
'99 Polaris 700 RMK sled
2011 Polaris Assault
'86 Yamaha TT350(good 'ol thumper)

Gotta diesel go to the giant and get yourself a bottle of B-1 today. It is a stress vitamin and greatly helps. You need to begin taking better care of yourself if you want to get through this.

I'm not a drinker -- not in the least, by self medicating, I mean, vitamins, and certain foods -- and yes, I like tofu.

I'm eating -- just not quite like I use to.

The blood is from my lungs from the cough -- it's an irrated cough, I keep drinking tons of fluids -- and that keeps the coughing down.

Deep down, I know I'll get through this, but wish I could at least hear from her. If nothing else to hope that she's not feeling like me right now.

Even if she found somebody else, I know that'll hurt a lot, but if she's really really happy -- in the end, I'm happy too.

Try and keep on top of things. See your family, friends, anything to keep your mind off it. Go to sleep watching TV - I use (downloaded) Seinfeld as it makes me laugh and feel less serious about stuff.

And you can always take time away from everything. Travel. Travel here to lovely (rainy) Bristol, England and I'll buy you a drink or something. You can go see JJR and the rest of us too.

Remember you're not alone and you will, like pretty much anything in life, look back on things eventually and see the good to come out of them.

be peaceful

Russ

__________________
190E's:
2.5-16v 1990 90,000m Astral Silver
2.0E 8v 1986 107,000m Black 2nd owner
http://www.maylane.demon.co.uk/190esmall.jpghttp://www.maylane.demon.co.uk/190esmall2.jpg

As good as I can I guess. This is the third day of not trying to reach out for her.

From everything I'm seeing I don't think she's coming back. I really wish that wasn't the case... but I do think it is.

Tomorrow night will mark the second full week of her being gone.

I just wanted to share this link:

http://ce.byu.edu/cw/fuf/archives/2002/BrentABarlow2002.pdf

*PLEASE* if anyone is EVER considering divorce or "leaving" their spouse read this and read it well. If only my wife would read this, and really really really give it some thought. It really would be the salvation of our marriage.

Thanks for the support.

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, I was in a similar situation not too long ago, actually more then once. I can tell you right now that it does a great deal to talk, I unfortunately did not have anyone to talk to at the time, and belive it or not, it was my car that might have saved me from a lot of sufferring just by keeping my mind off of her. It still hurts, but at least now there are moments when I feel liberated from the pain that I remember feeling, and along with those came a feeling of hope, that there is something worth living for. So whatever you do hang in there, and as hard as it is, keep trying not to contact her, but the results of that can not be predicted.

Don't worry, as soon as things stop spinning, you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel once again.

xp

__________________
1985 190E 2.3L - a constant project.

I totally agree with the message above.

First of all I am writing because you remind me of myself when I was much younger. I had a failed relationship that I had in college, where I was totally despondent over the girl no longer being available to me and I was consumed with the things that I thought that I had done wrong to cause that to happen. In hindsight the misery I inflicted on myself from the selfblaming was what I really regret. Short of you being a total Ahole to her and her family (which I rather doubt) people pretty much do what they want to do. The question I would ask is would you have left the relationship if she was behaving as you did. My guess is that you wouldn't have. Best friends try to make it work. No doubt you made mistakes in the relationship. Everybody does. Let me say that again everybody makes mistakes in relationships. The healthy relationships survive and grow from those mistakes.
Your loss is very real and as many have commented now is the time to be really good to yourself rather than blame yourself for things that you potentially had no control over. I truely wish you the best.

MBLovr,

Thanks! For some reason, I really needed to hear that. I do love her, but you are right, beating myself over it isn't going to help.

Life is very short, and while I had hoped to go through life with her, I have to realize that even without her, life does go on.

Thanks for all the support -- pretty amazing when you consider, I've never met a single one of you...

Gotta - go work on my - Diesel.

He!y! You just edited!...

"Would I have left the relationship..."

No. I would have explained my feelings, and made a plan to fix things. I know, that's a "guy" answer -- but that's the truth.

GD

It's not the "guy" answer. It's that answer of someone who was committed to the making the relationship work. As far as the all responses trust me we've all been there. And for some of the slower learners of us, several times .

I feel sad for your loss, but my suggestion is to go out to see your family and friends, and meet someone!! They are a lot of good women left out there. You will be amazed how many single women they are at your local church..they do have singles night there too..

__________________
2000 Ford 7.3 Powerstroke 4x4
2006 Mazda Tribute
1983 Black 300 D (donated to charity)
1993 Teal 300 D (160K) Sold
"I love the smell of burnt diesel fuel in the morning, it smells like ....VICTORY"

Semper Fidelis
USMC 1973-1976

GA,

I don't think I can do that -- that's not the way I am. In my mind, I'm still married, and she is still my wife. I know what you're saying. And believe me, many other people have said the same thing to me. But I won't do it.

It's really killing me not to try and reach out for her. I know she has her friends and family... but for 3.5 years of our married life, I did everything with our future in mind -- and the furture of having kids, etc..

To see all those dreams, plans, and hopes turn to nothing is pretty sad. To not know what the future holds (as far as we go) is even more sad. You have to remember, I literally did everything in my life around the assumption that we were going to be married for life. Divorce was simply not something that I would ever consider. EVER. -- I would work through ANYTHING that came down the road. It may sound old fashion or silly, but that day, at that alter, we made a deal -- a deal to spend the rest of our lifes together. And as important as that is to me... she just up and left.

I hear a car pass on the street, I hope it is her. The doorbell rings, I hope it is her, the phone rings -- I hope it is her. With every email, I hope it is from her.

I know the ball is entirely in her court now. I don't know what else (if anything) I can do. She knows, I still love her, but as she said, "I don't love you any more, and I'm not happy" -- and it sounded like she meant it. I know couples can feel a certain way from time to time, but she's not only "saying" it, she's DOING it -- she's gone.

I have to say, waking up alone everynight sucks. I know I was her protector and all that "guy" stuff -- but I have to admit, I loved her very much, and I loved knowing that she was always there for me. Like I said before -- we had a deal. I would have never ever ever ever broken that deal. -- that's the kind of person I am. If you're loyal to me, you won't find a more loyal person back to you.

The one part that made me very upset today was thinking about her graduation. I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to be "invited" -- it will be indoors, so chances are you'll need invites. This really got me feeling pretty low. Can you imagine? I remember when she registered for her first class!! 130 credit ago!! -- she was so nervous... but I knew she could do it... and, not only did she do it, but WITH HONORS!!! -- I went to school, even got my MBA, no honor society every came knocking on my door. Now, I won't even get to see that special day. A bunch of neighbors had started planning a nice party for her. In my book, graduation form college is a bigger deal than just about anything -- probably equal to a wedding (actually, truth be told, graduation is probably THE biggest thing (short of a baby be born or something -- and I didn't get there yet.) -- Words can't be said to explain how I feel about this part of it all. If you knew how dedicated she was, and yes, how supportive I was (she'd admit that... well, she use to admit it... who knows now; I'm probably Satan to her.), you would be proud. Nobody on her end seemed to care about how supportive I was of her. That hurts even more.

Now, the people that never supported or helped her with anything will get to share in her moment of joy -- and I'll won't even be invited. I better stop writing now as I doubt anyone has read this far anyway, and I'm getting pretty upset. I can't tell you how much it is going to hurt to not get to see her walk on graduation day. I simply can't say it.

You're no where near ready to date other women -- that will come in time (probably months, not weeks) as you well know. Please tell me you weren't the one that financed her education...

Ron
http://germanstar.net

Most of her education was financed by her ex-employer. But there were a few semesters where we had to pay for parts.

GD